April 22, 2005 | Chickens in the Road

Well, we dug into our Three New Things posthaste. Wild girls that we are, we started with a trip to the grocery store to replenish our supplies of chips, dips, and chocolate. Then we headed back to the lodge house for burgers. The girl behind the counter asked me about my pink Romance with an Edge of Danger t-shirt I was wearing, and upon discovering I was a writer became, in the words of my sister, downright giddy (I just LOVE people who are EXCITED to meet a writer!!). The only copy of COLE DEMPSEY’S BACK IN TOWN I had within reach was the copy I’d given our friend we’re here with. So I went out to Shannon’s car and stole back the book I’d given her (how could I not? the woman was so excited! I LOVED HER. I promised I’d send Shannon another copy after I get home) and autographed it for her. When we got back to our room and I took out the burger box, I saw she’d written on the top: “To Suzanne of the only occupation to impress me.” –Martha. Shannon got out her box and said–”She just wrote PIZZA on mine!”

After lunch, we went back to the lodge and entered a hula hoop contest. (New Thing #1) Okay, it isn’t jumping out of an airplane, people, but work with me!!!! (My sister tried to count staying up past 8 pm as one of her New Things, but we aren’t letting her get away with that.) The resort has a list of daily activities, so we decided we HAD to enter this one. This competition was actually intended for children. But we aren’t proud. Armed with our over-sized cups of frozen margaritas, we took up our hula hoops with no self-consciousness due to our advance age and reduced agility in comparison to our competitors. Okay, we don’t know anyone in this town, so that helps. It also helped that no one else was there. That’s right, we were the ONLY COMPETITORS. (Not a lot of people at the resort in April.) In fact, Shannon was photographer and judge, so it was just me and my sister and I STILL LOST.

Then for some reason lost to me, we turned off a dirt road following a sign to a Christian pottery shop. We arrived to find we’d been sucked into the vortex of THE STEPFORD POTTERS. Sis, and Sis, met us with their identical twin smiles, their identical twin hairdo’s and their identical twin pink outfits. Sis, one said, we have VICTIMS!!!! They tried to offer us drinks but THANK GOD WE HAD BROUGHT MARGARITAS BECAUSE WE REALLY NEEDED THE ALCOHOL. Sis, and Sis, had cookies, too. I bet they were drugged. Probably the same stuff Sis, and Sis, were on. There was some kind of really long presentation during which I left my mind to enter another plane where I was winning the hula contest by slapping my sister off the lodge deck. I bet Sis, and Sis, wouldn’t do that. Sis, you win. No, Sis, you win. No, Sis, I want it for you. NO, SIS!! Okay, in my mind I was slapping Sis, and Sis, off the lodge deck. Oh, okay, there were some analogies about pottery and God. Sis, you take it from here. Okay, Sis, now you. No, you, Sis. NO, SIS YOU BITCH. Okay, they did not. Anyway, I don’t know what Sis, and Sis, were on, but I was just glad I had margaritas. We barely made it out alive. Oh–I did win the quiz and I got some kind of little pottery thing from Sis. Or Sis. Not sure which one. I’m going to heaven now, for sure. Or hell, if Sis or Sis read this and talk to God.

In other news, got the news today that PAX 3 (the merman story) will be a February 2006 release and they’re keeping my original title–DEEP BLUE.

And!!!! The big news! HER MAN TO REMEMBER is a FINALIST in the National Readers Choice Awards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stil to come: two more New Things. You can count on them to be just WILD! Mothers gone crazy!!! Anything could happen!!!!

Back to the margarita machine…..