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This is Lonnie. He’s a real farmer. And that’s Londa. She’s a real farmgirl.
These are real cows.
Lonnie: The black ones are Angus. The white ones are Charolais. Some of them are mixed.
Me: Which ones are the ornamental cows? I want an ornamental cow for my meadow.
Lonnie: What?
Mother Cow: There is a disturbance in the force.
Me: Would you like to be my ornamental cow?
Mother Cow: Let’s get out of here.
Mother Cow: HURRY! She’s following!!
Me: Fine. Go. I’ll settle for driving this big macho tractor.
Okay, I can’t really drive a tractor.
Black and White Cow: Stop looking at me. I’m not an ornamental cow, either.
Mother Cow: She’s back. She’s stalking us.
Mother Cow: Get moving!
Me: Fine. Just fine! I like these fluffy Charolais cows better anyway! Look! Two sweet babies!
Me: Do you want to be my ornamental cows? C’mon…. I have sweet hay! I’ll call you Cream Puff and Taffy and I’ll let you dot my meadow. 
Lonnie: Cream Puff? Taffy?
Me: Shhhhhh.
They’re thinking about it!
