I Knew I Shouldn't Let Her Use the Internet

Feb
23

Crooked Little Hen! Crooked Little Hen! Fly away home! Your house is on fire and your babies are alone!

Sigh. I’ll never get her off the porch.

She pays no heed to me. She’s busy. Grooming her feathers for him.

And she knows she doesn’t have any babies. Why, I can’t remember the last time she bothered to lay an egg. She’s too busy eating dog food and cat food and strutting her stuff. The Crooked Little Hen has always been a popular girl. Loose with her favors–and her feathers. She has the barest back of any hen in town when spring comes around. She’s not even ashamed. And as if t’weren’t enough that she’s set up housekeeping on the porch, she’s moved a boyfriend in with her.

They eat together. They pace up and down on the porch together. They roost together at night on the arm of an old chair. And he’s a PIG.

No, not a real pig, but a pig nonetheless.

He’s making messes everywhere and he won’t clean them up. The Crooked Little Hen won’t clean them up, either. She’s not that kind of girl. She’s the kind of girl who’s always fixing her hair, retouching her lipstick, going to the mall, too busy for that housework stuff. But we just can’t have these messes. And besides, we can’t have this tawdry nonsense going on right here on our porch. What will people think? We’re running a clean, family-friendly operation here at Stringtown Rising Farm. Do you hear me, CROOKED LITTLE HEN?

We can’t— What?

What did you say?

Crooked Little Hen! STOP READING MY BLOG!

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32 Responses
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2-23
5:48
am

She must be feeling really well!! to move a boyfriend in and everything!!! I’m so glad YOU have Crooked Little Hen…..I’m sure not everyone would let her hang out on their porch and eat dogfood!

CindyP

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2-23
6:52
am

It’s time to have a serious talk with that girl. She’ll be writing your posts next, and having hen parties on the porch!

kerri

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2-23
6:52
am

You better watch. She will be moving the whole hen house up to the porch next. lol.

Diane

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2-23
7:13
am

That hen should have a little more respect for the person that makes sure they are fed and housed!! Maybe she needs a little work on being more appreciative. lol Be careful or she will be throwing wild parties and inviting all her friends, they may not want to leave either.

Connie Trippett

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2-23
7:46
am

I think I have always wanted to be like the Crooked Little end…never cleaning up messes, strttting my stuff, etc…Is it too late?

aint for city gals

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2-23
7:49
am

I LOVE CLH!! She’s my new fave. Although I can’t believe she had the chutzpah to move her squeeze up to the porch right in front of everybody!

Nita in South Carolina

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2-23
7:56
am

It is an endless battle keeping the animals in line, keeping the place tidy, both inside and out. I’m beginning to think a well kept place is a sign of a misspent life. Or then again, maybe it’s performance art.

Susan

Susan at Charm of the Carolines

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2-23
7:59
am

There always seems to be one or two hens who don’t play the game by the rules.

Glenie

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2-23
8:11
am

I’m still in the chicken n dumplings camp. I cull heavily to increase production and lower feed costs. I’d rather do that than buy meat from the store. There would be no porch chickens at my house. Growing up on a farm changes how you look at animals raised for food. They are never pets, but they are well cared for until it’s time for the table.

Sheila Z

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2-23
8:21
am

Not playing by the rules will eventually get you in trouble Crooked Little Hen!

Joy

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2-23
8:31
am

What next? Sausage and Patty camping out on the porch, too? Your animals are too cute.

Valerie

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2-23
8:38
am

OMG I spewed coffee on my keyboard!

Amanda

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2-23
8:43
am

What a little hussy! Bettwr have a “come to Jesus” meeting with her and the BF before they reproducw and you have peeps on the porch too. This is why I come to CITR every morning.

Euni

Euni Moore

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2-23
9:21
am

Why my goodness! She is a harlot!!

This really put a smile on my face today!!!

Deb

Debnfla3

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2-23
10:17
am

*snork*

Hey, I have a request, now that the blog has gotten all spiff-tastic. Is there any way, Suzanne, that you could make a page that lists all of your animals, with pictures and names and short descriptions? Obviously the chickens and whatnot would count as a single unit, but at this point, I have trouble remembering who-all is there

Robin G.

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2-23
10:20
am

Yep a harlot for sure! Looks like she’s decided she rules the roost around your house!

Speaking of ruling the roost….I went and bought 6 Easter Eggers and two Buff Orpington pullets last night to go with my growing little chicken family. I am up to 4 roosters and 32 hens/pullets. I love it!

KentuckyFarmGirl

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2-23
11:06
am

Loving these extra posts. Thanks, Suzanne. I agree, the girl needs a talkin’ to. Of course, if the boyfriend doesn’t hang around, you may miss out on baby chicks. No really, she could be a GOOD mama.

lavenderblue

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2-23
11:30
am

Do you not have problems with predators at night like raccoons? If any of mine were to miss lockdown they would surely end up at the Rainbow Bridge before morning. We live in the city too! Maybe it’s the presence of the dogs that keep the predators at bay. If you have a secret weapon please share.

nursemary

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2-23
11:40
am

nursemary, we haven’t had a huge problem with predators. We did have an issue one time last summer with some raccoons and they did get a few chickens, including my little banty hen (and they got her IN the chicken house!) About half of my chickens sleep out and half sleep in the chicken house. The ones that sleep out roost around the goat pen where the goats and Poky are. I think roosting around the bigger animals keeps them safe.

Suzanne McMinn

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2-23
12:00
pm

I’ve discovered that our hens absolutely hate the red laser pointer that our kitties love to chase.
When the hens get on our deck, which is very seldom now, I just flash the laser pointer around on the deck and the hens take off faster than if a dog were chasing them. It’s funny to watch! The best part is that you don’t even have to brave the cold outdoors, just shine the laser through the window.

Kat

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2-23
12:05
pm

Arlene

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2-23
12:24
pm

Awwww you know you’d miss her if she stopped coming up to see you lol.

catslady

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2-23
12:29
pm

Sounds to me like if she isn’t carrying her weight, it’s time she goes into the pot. I just love chicken and dumplings. And contrary roosters made good dumplings too.

Shirley

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2-23
12:49
pm

I don’t post here often, but I read your blog daily with my morning coffee. I think that Crooked Little Hen and Mr. Pig, the rooster, make a lovely couple. Please don’t eat them! I hope you write a book about them.

Kim

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2-23
2:03
pm

I think Crooked Little Hen put in a change address form with the local post office. You’d better be careful Suzanne!!

Jen R. (emeraldsunshine.org)

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2-23
2:38
pm

Who said chickens were stupid??!!!!!!

Chic

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2-23
5:05
pm

Some day, in the not too distant future, you will find yourself walking around empty beer bottles and smoked-down-to-the-filter cigarette butts. Crooked Little Hen and Mr. Pig will be leaning against the deck railing, hitting you up for loose change….anything you can spare. You will desperately go through the phone book, looking for interventionists and rehabilitation centers. Unfortunately, it will be too late. Poor, poor Crooked Little Hen and her paramour, Mr. Pig, two lives needlessly wasted because they chose the wrong path.

Faithful followers of CITR, pray for these two misguided fowl; call upon the powers that be, that this feckless hen and rooster find their way back to the fold—-that fold being—-the chicken coop! Brother and sisters of CITR, do I hear an amen?

princessvanessa

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2-23
9:29
pm

Looks like her beak is getting worse… have a heart and take her to the vet… PLEASE!!

sasah

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2-23
10:20
pm

They are so smart, they know where food and comfort are.

Michele Messier

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2-23
10:24
pm

So the vet can put her in the stewpot, sasha??

Pete

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2-24
12:57
am

To get their fair share of the blog space, the LCH and her boyfriend had to do one better than the goat porn! Interesting competition you’ve got going there!

SuzzyQ

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2-28
11:16
am

We’ve had japanese beetles doing the nasty nearby, but they don’t inhabit our porch. This can only lead to late night gatherings of rowdy and unwelcome guests, unless you put a stop to it immediately. Unruly chickens with no morals set a bad example for the rest of your menagerie, do you want to read about the raid from law enforcement in the newspaper, while you are cooling your heels in a jail cell. A stern lecture might set this young lady straight, and I recommend that you undertake that task post haste.

Sheila

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