I descended from my porch perch atop the goat yard yesterday to seek the sacred path of my enigmatical creatures, to explore, to go where no man has gone before, to unearth secrets that might–or might not–shed light on the mysteries of animal behavior, solve world hunger, and/or end all war.
What would it take, besides a mascara emergency, to lead these hoofed beings off the path? What might I learn from them in this quest? I had no idea how long my intrepid mission might take to complete. Putting emergency supplies in my pocket, I set off, inspired by the courage of Ferdinand Magellan, Marco Polo, Christopher Columbus! I am Lewis with no Clark!
Here before you lies the sacred path via aerial satellite imagery from the porch.
I arrive at the location to find the creatures eager to greet me, but not so eager as to leave the path. I wade through the snow until I reach the furthest point of the path, where the creatures replenish themselves with hay. I follow the path from there to find the creatures’ leader.
She is eager to show me the path! So far, so good!
We walk the path to the sacred tree. Birds share their delicious manna from the feeders above. This is the most holy of holies along the path.
There is a slight holdup when one of the creatures stops, grooming herself before entering the holy place.
You can see the awe on the creatures’ faces.
Mr. Pibb: “May the Path be with you.”
The path takes a circle around the tree.
A few of the creatures have not yet arrived, but impatience bursts inside me.
There is more for me to see. “Turn!” I implore them. “We must go on!”
The others follow from behind, eager to stay with us.
Another of the creatures takes the lead now.
We are drawn as one along the path.
We reach the creatures’ shelter and they ask, “Why are we here?”
I KNOW. These creatures are so profound. Why are we here? The greatest question in life. I forge onward and outward, determined to finally find answers–to everything!
The answers that are….. Out there! Somewhere!
I STEP OFF THE PATH.
I look back. There is great hesitation. The path, it is very strong. Perhaps it runs along the Earth’s magnetic lines? Could that be the secret pulling these creatures unwaveringly along its trail? Are we all, simply, inexorably, held by inexplicable powers beyond our control?
Or is there something far more powerful, something that could allow us to forge our own destinies? Something like….
A COOKIE. I reach for my emergency supplies.
The creatures have left the path! The creatures have left the path!
I have found the answer to all of mankind’s questions!
The creatures surround me, recognizing me as their new leader.
I’m Ferdinand Magellan!
Lewis with no–