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Woman Attacked by Goats, Film at 11

Mar
1


I descended from my porch perch atop the goat yard yesterday to seek the sacred path of my enigmatical creatures, to explore, to go where no man has gone before, to unearth secrets that might–or might not–shed light on the mysteries of animal behavior, solve world hunger, and/or end all war.

What would it take, besides a mascara emergency, to lead these hoofed beings off the path? What might I learn from them in this quest? I had no idea how long my intrepid mission might take to complete. Putting emergency supplies in my pocket, I set off, inspired by the courage of Ferdinand Magellan, Marco Polo, Christopher Columbus! I am Lewis with no Clark!

Here before you lies the sacred path via aerial satellite imagery from the porch.

I arrive at the location to find the creatures eager to greet me, but not so eager as to leave the path. I wade through the snow until I reach the furthest point of the path, where the creatures replenish themselves with hay. I follow the path from there to find the creatures’ leader.

She is eager to show me the path! So far, so good!

We walk the path to the sacred tree. Birds share their delicious manna from the feeders above. This is the most holy of holies along the path.

Everyone follows.

There is a slight holdup when one of the creatures stops, grooming herself before entering the holy place.

You can see the awe on the creatures’ faces.

Mr. Pibb: “May the Path be with you.”

The path takes a circle around the tree.

A few of the creatures have not yet arrived, but impatience bursts inside me.

There is more for me to see. “Turn!” I implore them. “We must go on!”

The others follow from behind, eager to stay with us.

Another of the creatures takes the lead now.

We are drawn as one along the path.

We reach the creatures’ shelter and they ask, “Why are we here?”

I KNOW. These creatures are so profound. Why are we here? The greatest question in life. I forge onward and outward, determined to finally find answers–to everything!

The answers that are….. Out there! Somewhere!

I STEP OFF THE PATH.

I look back. There is great hesitation. The path, it is very strong. Perhaps it runs along the Earth’s magnetic lines? Could that be the secret pulling these creatures unwaveringly along its trail? Are we all, simply, inexorably, held by inexplicable powers beyond our control?

Or is there something far more powerful, something that could allow us to forge our own destinies? Something like….

A COOKIE. I reach for my emergency supplies.

The creatures have left the path! The creatures have left the path!

I have found the answer to all of mankind’s questions!

The creatures surround me, recognizing me as their new leader.

I’m Ferdinand Magellan!

Marco Polo!

Christopher Columbus!

Lewis with no–

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by Suzanne McMinn on March 1, 2010  

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  1. 3-1
    4:07
    am

    I often leave the path for a cookie. Aren’t cookies the answer to most questions? Especially, homemade, warm cookies.

    What can I say, I’m a follower. I like following your blog. Another great post!!

  2. 3-1
    6:11
    am

    :lol: :lol: :lol: I knew cookies would get them off that path!!! What a strange path…….they really don’t take the most direct path to the tree………

  3. 3-1
    6:39
    am

    That whole path situation is amazing. They really do “walk the line” from chicken to donkey to goat (to human). By chance, the theme for the 1,000 + city daily photo blogs today is “pathways.” We’re all showing pathways. Mine is a footbridge (but not for farm animals)!!!!!

    This weekend, other than taking photographs for GDP and going to the store, I vowed to stay home. A couple of times it went through my head “If Suzanne can be happy on a farm in WV, going NOWHERE, I can be happy at home too.” And so it went, some of the piles became files!!!

    Happy March 1st– PATHWAY Day!

    Jan
    GDP

  4. 3-1
    6:41
    am

    :sun: LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR STORIES!! What can make a monday morning better?? Start it off with Chickens in the Road!!
    Thanks Suzanne!!
    Hugs Granny Trace :sun:

  5. 3-1
    6:59
    am

    This is exactly why I check your blog each morning with my coffee. I’m still an “arm-chair” homesteader, but the plans are in motion. Thank you for making me laugh and getting my monday off to a great start!

  6. 3-1
    7:14
    am

    LOL what a great way to start the day! Good luck Suzanne and I hope you have a great day.

  7. 3-1
    7:34
    am

    The magical cookies get me off the couch and into the kitchen with some regularity. In fact, I’d say we are cookie worshippers here, too!

  8. 3-1
    7:37
    am

    It is truly amazing the power a simple cookie possesses. Wield them wisely!! Oh, and Lewis…next time for safety’s sake, take Clark with you! We don’t want the vast herds to migrate over your body in their desperate attempts to obtain enlightenment from the Sacred Cookies!!!

  9. 3-1
    7:38
    am

    Oh boy….I’m thinking Suzanne has Delerious Delicious Cabin Feveritis and it’s manifesting itself in dramatic ways! Several heavy snows and weeks of white on the ground will create this syndrome and I’m afraid it’s got hold of her good!
    But, throughout, she still has cookies!`

  10. 3-1
    7:50
    am

    Good Morning Suzanne! Love your sense of humor, your animals, your pictures and your stories! Thanks for sharing them with us.

    One thing I want to share with you is that each time I see any of the “animals on the path” pictures I think of how it would be neat if at the end of the path was a nativity scene (either a serious one or one made out scare crow type people). I think all the animals marching in line to the nativity would make an awesome Christmas card from your farm (plus if you had some printed up or available to download you could sell them, and I know I would order some).

    Hope you don’t think I am silly but these are the kinds of things I think of at times, and I just wanted to share the idea with you.

    Have a wonderful day on the farm!

  11. 3-1
    8:02
    am

    A cookie! A cookie! My kingdom (and evidently THEIRS!) for a cookie!

  12. 3-1
    8:07
    am

    Thanks, Kelly! Now if only I could construct such a thing….

  13. 3-1
    8:19
    am

    That is so funny! :lol:

  14. 3-1
    8:22
    am

    I’ve got to where I can’t start my morning with out my CITR fix…LOL! :sheepjump:

  15. 3-1
    8:25
    am

    You need to change the name of this blog from “Chickens in the Road” to “Goats on my Head”.

    I do not like to be cold and wet, so I would be flinging those cookies off the porch like frisbees until spring.

  16. 3-1
    8:30
    am

    Your post today would lighten the saddest heart Suzanne. I smiled all the way through it :) And all along the path too.
    I tried offering my cat a cookie but I’m afraid it doesn’t have the same affect! She just lay there looking strangely at me. :o
    Thank you again for your heartwarming posts. I’m SO glad I found the path to this site. :hug:

  17. 3-1
    8:36
    am

    The first thing I read in the morning with my coffee is your blog. I love the path story. Funny Kelly mentioned a manger because actually that’s the first thing that flashed through my mind awhile back after seeing all you animals and especially the little donkey. And yes, cookies solve a lot of problems and make us do strange things! Be careful out there in the wild : ))

  18. 3-1
    8:59
    am

    I left the path for a half a box of Samoas yesterday…makes staying on and walking the path extra hard today considering that the other half of the box is still in the cabinet!!

  19. 3-1
    9:08
    am

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Why don’t they go straight from the barn over to their destination? :lol: They sure take the long way!

    Thanks for the laugh, Suzanne. :lol: :happyflower:

  20. 3-1
    9:11
    am

    So funny that all the creatures great and small follow the path! But way to give them a different outlook on life with a NEW path!

  21. 3-1
    9:12
    am

    what a joyful day to begin my day! Thanks Suzanne, you have done it again! :airkiss:

  22. 3-1
    9:14
    am

    :lol: What a great answer to ‘why DO they DO that?’…I should have thought of it myself! COOKIES of course! Makes perfect sense to me! that was great.

  23. 3-1
    9:25
    am

    I think you should be writing children’s books with all your animals. What fodder for fiction and you are so talented!

  24. 3-1
    9:52
    am

    How Zen! We may have solved the riddle of crop circles. On the other hand, didn’t we already know that the answer to all of mankind’s deepest questions was….COOKIES!

    A couple of suggestions for Kelly’s manger idea. PhotoShop is a marvelous invention. Find a teenage geek near you. They’ll be able to hook you up. If that’s too technical, build a Nativity stable, use real people for the characters and sprinkle birdseed in the area where you want to pose the animals. Just not on the Baby Jesus, we don’t want any goats on His head.

  25. 3-1
    9:52
    am

    Wonderful !!!! :sun: Good point Lynda has–why aren’t you writing children’s books with these stories??!! and great photos!! :snoopy: oh-well maybe you do have quite a bit on your plate already!! :heart:

  26. 3-1
    9:58
    am

    So the secret to the Universe is cookies. Who knew?

    Susan

  27. 3-1
    10:16
    am

    Oh, how I loved this, Suzanne! Perfect for a Monday morning! Now I need to go find a cookie…

  28. 3-1
    10:40
    am

    THIS was especially awesome. Thank you :)

  29. 3-1
    11:05
    am

    I can hardly see the keyboard from the tears of laughter rolling down my face.
    You are surly my hero for the day going off the beaten path to the GREAT BEYOND all the while I’m screaming snow shoes! snow shoes!
    Aerial shot alone had my DH coming into the room with puzzled look on his face all he could hear was chicken, road, goats, that was enough for him to retreat back to his domain.
    have a good one Ann.
    LMAO

  30. 3-1
    11:15
    am

    Like everybody else, I have my morning cup of coffe with Chickens In The Road ~~or on the porch~~~~or in the house. Thanks for the entertainment.

  31. 3-1
    11:29
    am

    I laughed out loud – at work, no less. Thanks for such a creative and fabulous blog. :-)

  32. 3-1
    11:45
    am

    Love your post!

  33. 3-1
    12:22
    pm

    All winter, I’ve wondered about the path. Not being someone that automaticly puts my feet where others have gone (unless I don’t have boots on)I’ve wondered. Why do they do that?

    I have to remember to make sure no one is within earshot before I start reading your blog. I’ve noticed uncontrolled laughter breaks up the flow of the office.

    Thanks for exploring the “path” you ol’ pathfinder.

  34. 3-1
    12:28
    pm

    Oh, Great One, you have conquered the Universal Question! And you didn’t even lose your cookies…. ;) :sheep:

  35. 3-1
    1:11
    pm

    I love how this story ends…or doesn’t in this case. What happened next?? Hee, hee. Great story – it makes this Monday so much better. Thanks.

  36. 3-1
    1:17
    pm

    Loved this blog – one of my favorites!!!

  37. 3-1
    1:23
    pm

    I was laughing so much as I read this. I really appreciate your humor because animals are incredibly guileless, yet one has to wonder if they are capable of trickery when it comes to their human counterparts. I so enjoy your chronicles of country life, cooking, animal husbandry, and so much more, P.J.

  38. 3-1
    1:51
    pm

    Surely, Suzanne, you know that you are one of the most loved of all bloggers. It has to be so. I love your ideas! We often think much alike. GREAT post, Lewis….or was it Marco? ~wink~

  39. 3-1
    1:57
    pm

    I do hope that you haven’t upset the earth’s natural patterns. If Spring doesn’t come it could be your fault, AGAIN!!!

  40. 3-1
    2:16
    pm

    What a fabulous series of photographs! The story is not bad either!

  41. 3-1
    2:29
    pm

    Thank you. thank you, thank you!! :heart: :heart:

  42. 3-1
    2:33
    pm

    See what happens when you try to lead the animals astray? :?
    I was reminded or your animals’ path on Saturday morning when I walked up to feed the barn kitties. Sheba, one of the clan, waits by the back door and walks ahead of me to the barn. She followed her own tracks precisely as she lead the way.
    We ended up with over 2 ft of snow on Sunday. Today is our first clear day without snowfall since early last week.
    Love your photos and story! Thanks for the chuckles :lol:

  43. 3-1
    2:37
    pm

    That’s supposed to be “led the way” ;)

  44. 3-1
    3:08
    pm

    Reminds me of Ursula Vernon’s “Abyss”. http://ursulav.deviantart.com/art/The-Abyss-Looks-Back-62380479

  45. 3-1
    3:58
    pm

    I agree, that would be a great book for kids. I really think that should be your next venture! You have a great talent.

  46. 3-1
    4:33
    pm

    Just think—the answer to all of your questions was a cookie!

  47. 3-1
    5:37
    pm

    uh huh… i think you need a long weekend in a big city *grin*

  48. 3-1
    7:53
    pm

    Their path fascinates me and I have shared it with my family. I knew if anything could get them off the beaten path it would have to do with you. :happyflower: Thanks for this post, I needed the smile today.

    Sissy

  49. 3-1
    10:05
    pm

    :lol: now thats some great stuff!! :lol:

  50. 3-1
    11:37
    pm

    Oh I do love your columns. I usually read in the morning, but snorting hot coffee up the nose is so passe. So it was tonight instead and my husband thinks I am nutty and just shakes his head at the mysteries of womanhood! You are a genious! Hope your goats have let you up by now (have you run out of cookies?)

  51. 3-2
    12:29
    am

    I come back daily to read this blog post and smile at all the great photos and laugh hysterically at how eloquent you word it. It seems totally spot on! I’ve sent many people from my blog to yours via a link to this blog as I think its the best I’ve read!

  52. 3-2
    7:02
    am

    Truely hilarious!!

  53. 3-4
    2:13
    pm

    Suzanne-

    You may be a victim of a psychic goat reprisal!!! Are you SURE your goat herd has not been “infiltrated” recently? Behaving strangely in any way, hmm? It only takes one rogue to sow dissent, and ruin your day!!! If they try to chew up your scarf, you are indeed dealing with cloven-hoof subversives. Eternal vigilance on your part will halt the invasion, so stay frosty!!! :-D

    http://www.movies-links.tv/movies/the_men_who_stare_at_goats/

  54. 3-4
    4:12
    pm

    You notice how all the creatures’ faces glow with a Yoda-like serenity until the moment she leaves The Path.

    “Come to the dark side, we have cookies,” indeed!

  55. 3-5
    11:45
    am

    I pass a farm with what I call “mini goats” on my way to work, and I’m fascinated by them. I always chirp, “Hi mini goats!” as I pass them – it’s awkward if someone is in the car with me or if I’m on the phone. But I do it anyway.

  56. 3-7
    2:59
    pm

    Fabulous post! I loved reading every minute of it! :sheep:

  57. 8-9
    3:43
    pm

    My husband and I just watched and read your hilarious trek through the great unknown. He turned to me and quite seriously said,”Don’t you know that that is how the West Virginia Highway Dept. was started, animal paths.” He gets no cookies tonight. :)

  58. 1-5
    3:10
    pm

    Has anyone rescued Suzanne yet??? Is she still out there????

  59. 1-30
    1:09
    am

    Too funny! My goats are just the same… only bigger. Crimes against human-ity for the sake of an animal cracker (“treat” the secret word)! You are a very witty writer! Thanks for the belly laugh!

  60. 2-24
    11:54
    am

    LOL! How Funny! Love your site! :sun: :sun: :sun: :smilerabbit: :smilerabbit:

  61. 2-26
    12:27
    pm

    so funny …I was just telling my daughter the neighbors must think me crazy ..for last week with warmer weather I was out playing with my goats n llamas…we played king of the hay bale and my fav ..I hide n they seek..and they love their homemade molasses goat cookies some (Greta)more than others…gotta love em :sheepjump:

  62. 8-16
    1:06
    pm

    it so funny how they alwase follow the path!

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