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Arrivals

Nov
17

Thanksgiving week at Sassafras Farm starts now! I’ve got a giant pot of beans simmering, and I’m about to slice up a ham and put a couple loaves of bread in the oven. Arriving this weekend: Ross, whose ammunition arrived before him, and Weston, who is spending another night in Spencer to say goodbye and HOW WILL WE SURVIVE A WEEK APART and other mushy things to his girlfriend (who is going out of town for the week with her family). Also, and I haven’t mentioned this before because it might sound weird, and plus it might give some people the wrong impression, but my ex-husband will be here. He actually spent the holidays with us last year, too, but I thought under the circumstances last year it would REALLY give the wrong impression. This is just something that, in the past year, we’ve decided works for our family. The kids get both of us, and we both get them, and everybody gets to stay here (which the kids particularly prefer, since this is their home and where their friends are and avoids extended travel to Texas). And while the first part may be true (that it sounds weird), it has worked out surprisingly well. I’ve had my ex-husband here three times in the past year. If you can get along well enough with your ex to share the holidays and share the kids, it’s a good thing for everybody. Of course, my kids are mature enough that at least they don’t get the wrong impression–it might be different with younger kids who aren’t old enough to grasp the dynamics. There will be a lot of horseback riding (in orange after Sunday), hunting, eating, and fun.

I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the good things about being an independent single woman is that I can invite my ex-husband over for the holidays and I don’t have to care what anybody thinks. I’m looking forward to all the cooking, and I’m making a big chore list for Ross, Weston, and Texas. And if it’s wrong to make chore lists for your ex-husband, I don’t want to be right!

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Posted by Suzanne McMinn on November 17, 2012  

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  1. 11-17
    3:02
    pm

    I think it is wonderful that you and your ex have decided to be mature adults and can actually spend time around each other. Too many kids are destroyed because parents can not be mature and seem to think they have to constantly belittle or downgrade the other. I salute you for being able to overcome the obstacle of the past and move forward. Now maybe you can be friends with the common goal of helping the children from your previous marriage grow into happy, healthy, mature young people! Yea You!!!!

  2. 11-17
    3:12
    pm

    Not a thing wrong with that…I do the same thing for every holiday! The father of my children and my second husband are very good friends. My kids and grandkids love that he is here. He always helps out in the kitchen during the holidays. He comes over all during the year when we need his help for household, lawn, and garden equipment repairs. He is helping me build a chicken coop later this winter.

    You are a special person to include him in your family. The world would be a better place if more people were able to do the same…you are a generous. kind, and considerate person!

  3. 11-17
    3:22
    pm

    I don’t think it’s weird, I think it’s wonderful, especially for the kids. ENJOY!

  4. 11-17
    3:23
    pm

    Neato!

  5. 11-17
    3:24
    pm

    I think it’s wonderful when adults act like adults and put the kids first. :snoopy: And you get more free labor :snoopy:

  6. 11-17
    3:29
    pm

    I think that is fantastic for everyone concerned. The kids get to spend time with their Dad and you and he get to spend time with someone who knows you well without the romantic implications and hassles. My oldest daughter’s dad and I have been divorced for 31 years and we have always spent important holidays/birthdays together. Sometimes at his house; sometimes at mine. We are all one big family. A lot of people find it strange, but it works for my daughter and that’s the important thing. We don’t have to fight over time with her or any of that childish stuff, and my other kids think of him as a close relative as well. And let’s face it…you need all the family you can get these days.(Just for the record..I am remarried and have been most of this time. He never remarried, but has had significant others and they have always had to just understand that we were 17 and 19 when we married and even though we were too childish to realize what it took to make marriage work, the respect and friendship was solid and remains so to this day)
    I hope your extended family has a wonderful holiday. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks or what they jump to…just enjoy your family and know that you are doing a great thing for your kids. My daughter says one of the best things about how she grew up is she never felt she had to choose one parent over the other because she always knew we were in this parenting thing together. Hugs!

  7. 11-17
    3:34
    pm

    I don’t think it sounds weird at all. It just means that you can leave the problems of the past in the past and celebrate being with the wonderful children that you have in common. As long as you can share space without hurting it each, it seems like a much simpler arrangement.

    But the best part is that my opinion doesn’t matter a whit. What works for your family is the only thing that matters. It’s so freeing not to have your life dictated by what someone else might think is weird.

  8. 11-17
    3:36
    pm

    That should have read “without hurting each other”. Brain typo.

  9. 11-17
    3:55
    pm

    As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you how much i loved and respected my mom for always inviting my dad for all the family get togethers. To not have to split our time between them was such a blessing. it helped heal a lot of old hurts to see them obtain a measure of friendship and shut the door to division. My kids got to grow up knowing Grandma and Grandpa and never knew there was past discord. Good for you and even better for your kids!

  10. 11-17
    3:56
    pm

    you go suzaanne! its about family and being together and heck ya give your ex a chore list he just might like helping the kids out! hope everyone in your family has a nlessed thanksgiving!!!

  11. 11-17
    4:01
    pm

    I think it’s great that you and your ex have chosen to get along! If only more people would choose a healthy relationship over an unhealthy one, especially when children are involved. Love all the comments above mine.

  12. 11-17
    4:21
    pm

    My Mom and Divorced when I was 23 and it was 20 years before they could stand to be in the same house. I applaud you for your maturity. Your children will always be thankful for such wonderful parents. I now have a blended family and everyone is welcome. Glad you are posting more, missed you.

  13. 11-17
    4:36
    pm

    I think it’s great that you are still able to speak and remain on a good footing with each other. Good for you Suzanne!

  14. 11-17
    4:41
    pm

    What everyone else said!! My ex and I live too far apart to visit, but we stay in touch thru email. I’ve never met his current wife, but have talked with her on the phone back when I was taking care of my Mom…she offered awesome advice. His 2nd wife and I used to go hiking together!!! Anyway, he’s in Fla and has driven with his wife to be in Savannah for my, er, our grandson’s 3rd birthday today. I expect they’re having a ball! My sister is there, too, and I know they’ll all be glad to see him. Ah, well, next year I expect to be there!! You folks have a great time!

  15. 11-17
    4:46
    pm

    You go girl. This world would be a much better place if all ex husbands and wives could get along for the sake of their children. Have a great holiday.

  16. 11-17
    4:57
    pm

    Wish i could say the same of my ex. I think it’s wonderful that you all spend time together. Mature adults are much better parents and people in their childrens eyes.

    Texas will be able to spend some quality man time with Ross and Weston digging that trench at the spring!

  17. 11-17
    5:04
    pm

    So not weird! I think it’s fantastic! Have a wonderful week. :heart:

  18. 11-17
    5:16
    pm

    Amen, Sista, put that dude to work.

  19. 11-17
    5:27
    pm

    That’s not weird at all Suzanne. That’s an extended family being family and I think it’s great! What’s WEIRD is the new wife asking advice from the former wife. They didn’t make it and I always wondered if it was because I was the “therapist.” LOL!

  20. 11-17
    5:43
    pm

    Not weird at all. IMHO, it is weird not to remain friends with these significant others in your life. I am friends with all my ex-boyfriends (except for 1) and 1 ex-husband. I would be friends with the one, but his wife won’t allow it! ;-)

  21. 11-17
    6:27
    pm

    Weird? :no: Here’s weird. :bugeyed: Way back in the 50’s,when everybody was uptight about everything,my aunt (my mom’s sister)and uncle divorced.They had three children.
    He brought his fiancee to my aunt and introduced her.She welcomed her with open arms and they became great friends.
    When they got married, they took two of the kids to raise, and my aunt kept one.
    My aunt and first cousin left the house for a week so the newlyweds could have a honeymoon.They stayed until they got a home of their own.
    They had five children, and my aunt helped with all of them, including sometimes paying their rent and buying groceries.
    The two families were always very close.
    The only time my wonderful aunt got angry with me was when I referred to the other wife as her wife in law. :devil2:

  22. 11-17
    6:30
    pm

    Do what works for your family no matter what anyone else might think. Your children will thank you for it in the years to come.

  23. 11-17
    6:33
    pm

    My parents divorced when we were in Jr-high and high school… It was a very rocky road between them for many years, but by the time we were all completely grown up, my father would come for many of our holidays at my grandmother’s house in Louisiana.. Dad was great friends with both my grandmother and my uncle… Mom was a little uncomfortable the first few times, but she got over it and we all had many good times together before he passed away.

  24. 11-17
    7:01
    pm

    It sounds like you and your family are going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Enjoy your celebration. Happy Thanksgiving!

  25. 11-17
    7:10
    pm

    who cares if it is weird as long as you get an extra farm hand out of the deal! =o)

  26. 11-17
    8:51
    pm

    I probably have the best “ex spouse” story of anyone. After 10 great years of marriage, my wife and I decided to split up. (don’t ask). We were both hard core skydivers, and skydivers have a special bond, married or not. So after the divorce, we still wound up at the same parachute clubs and jumped together. Often, I would have to video Tandem jumps and didn’t have time to pack my parachute between jumps. That’s when my ex would jump-in and pack my parachute for me. She did this many times, and I’ve always said, “if you can’t trust your ex to pack your parachute, you shouldn’t have married them in the first place”. :yes:

  27. 11-17
    10:29
    pm

    My ex and I spend a lot of times together. (but not including him staying at my place) We just spent a day and a half around each other because his Grandmother passed. I get to enjoy all his brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, they all get to visit with my kids and it works for all of us.

  28. 11-17
    10:54
    pm

    Good. For. You.

  29. 11-17
    11:35
    pm

    That is wonderful and not weird. Keep doing the things you are the way you do. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

  30. 11-17
    11:47
    pm

    This is the best gift you could give your family.
    Have a Blessed Day.

  31. 11-18
    9:59
    am

    I do not think your situation weird, at all. I was divorced when my kids were in high school and my ex-husband and i often stayed or were at each others place with the kids. It worked out very well until the kids had graduated from college and my ex had remarried.
    I am still on friendly term with him 30 years later. All so much better than acrimony.

  32. 11-18
    8:21
    pm

    I think it’s great that you and your ex can do holidays together. This year we’re missing the holidays with the kids and hubby’s ex’s family. I’m glad we all get along and are very close-knit. IT’s important to the kids (both grown women). They love it when people react about us all getting along!

    I just wish we didn’t live 2000 miles away.

    Have fun with your family this Thanksgiving!

  33. 11-19
    2:05
    am

    Good for you all! My parents finally reached that point too, where we could all be together for the holidays. (Particularly once there were grandchildren to share.) It does make a tremendous difference for the kids. It’s nice to have that peace and resolution that even though they aren’t “in love” anymore, we are still technically family. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! :)

  34. 11-19
    5:19
    pm

    I’m glad that you & Texas get along. You’ll always be connected through your kids. I think it is a form of child abuse when one parent deliberately causes the kids to hate the other parent.

  35. 11-20
    1:17
    pm

    This post shows love— best way ever of showing-not just telling your kids how much you both love and respect them!! :heart:
    Happy Thanksgiving to you all :sheep: !!!!
    Rain :)

  36. 11-21
    12:53
    pm

    Susan, please do not take this the wrong way; but, I just love you! What an honor it has been to share your travails as you go through the transitions of being a single, independent woman. Whether you intend or not you truly are an inspiration and I think it is wonderful that you and the Ex can spend the holidays together, with your children. You loved each other enough to bring these three fine individuals into this world and you love each other enough to put aside old anger and hurt to share special time with your children. That is a wonderfully powerful role model for anyone!!
    Have a wonderful, fulfilling, and happy holiday weekend.

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