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5:26 pm
May 6, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever
delivered to Mexico . But as we know, the great ship did not make it to
New York ..
The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever
lost.
The people of Mexico , who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly
awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was
so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they
still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known,
of course, as Sinko De Mayo.
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9:43 am
May 20, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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This is my new diet!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it… don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ….. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
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12:34 pm
May 20, 2009
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Jayne
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I love your philosophy Georgia!!!
If I may add, Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!
Tequila = Aquave leaves, GRAINS! FIBER!!!
Vodka = Potatos VEGETABLE!
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1:59 pm
May 20, 2009
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monica
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| Mighty Chicken | posts 494 | |
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Tommorrow is LAST day of clinicals–in the cardiology diagnostics department. Looks like the perfect chance to introduce the girls to CITR.
GeorgiaZ. . .aren't you a nurse?  
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My budget plan is NOT getting a cart when I go to the store.
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3:10 pm
May 20, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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Nope, I make the whole er work smooth, Im the clerk! And just ask them if they could do without me.
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4:34 pm
May 20, 2009
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monica
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| Mighty Chicken | posts 494 | |
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I think that many people would like to follow a diet like that–who doesn't like chocolate and alcohol???
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My budget plan is NOT getting a cart when I go to the store.
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8:28 am
June 18, 2009
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CindyP
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A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'
'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away.
Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?
The bee answered,
  
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“Learn all you can from the mistakes of others. You won’t have time to make them all yourself.” ― Alfred Sheinwold
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9:18 am
June 18, 2009
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JeannieB
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| Superstar | posts 1453 | |
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Don't cry because it's over—smile because it happened!
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9:18 am
June 18, 2009
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Jayne
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9:22 am
June 18, 2009
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beeyourself
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5:01 pm
June 26, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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The husband had just finished reading a book entitled “You Can Be the Man of Your House“.
He stomped to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
“From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight and when I am finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands and fluff my pillows and make me comfortable for a good night's sleep. Then
tomorrow, guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?”
The wife replied, “A freaking funeral director would be my first guess.”
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12:09 am
June 27, 2009
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monica
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| Mighty Chicken | posts 494 | |
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My budget plan is NOT getting a cart when I go to the store.
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6:58 am
June 27, 2009
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CindyP
| | Hart, MI | |
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“Learn all you can from the mistakes of others. You won’t have time to make them all yourself.” ― Alfred Sheinwold
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10:14 am
June 29, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
‘My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.”’
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
‘My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.’
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About ¼ mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
‘My what big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf.’
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, ‘Will you know it off, I’m trying to poop!’
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10:57 am
June 29, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, she leans
over and says to her husband, "I just let out a silent fart; what do you
think I should do?"
He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
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11:24 am
June 29, 2009
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JeannieB
| | Columbia, South Carolina | |
| Superstar | posts 1453 | |
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Georgia, thanks for the laughs!!
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Don't cry because it's over—smile because it happened!
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2:25 pm
June 29, 2009
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Jayne
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2:36 pm
June 29, 2009
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CindyP
| | Hart, MI | |
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“Learn all you can from the mistakes of others. You won’t have time to make them all yourself.” ― Alfred Sheinwold
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11:05 am
July 1, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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1:36 pm
July 1, 2009
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Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Superstar | posts 1031 | |
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The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
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