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3:34 pm
July 31, 2009
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JeannieB
| | Columbia, South Carolina | |
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I have one—-
There once was a woman who did not bitch, whine or complain. It was ME, but it was only once a long long time ago!
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Don't cry because it's over—smile because it happened!
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12:28 am
August 1, 2009
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monica
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| Mighty Chicken | posts 494 | |
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I saw the one about the cat brush, but I don't think it included pictures. OMG I can totally see our big orange cat looking like that–he is 14 pounds of fluff, only until he gets soaked. 
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My budget plan is NOT getting a cart when I go to the store.
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9:25 am
August 1, 2009
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WV_Hills
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monica said:
I saw the one about the cat brush, but I don't think it included pictures. OMG I can totally see our big orange cat looking like that–he is 14 pounds of fluff, only until he gets soaked. 
Don't fluffy cats look pitiful when they get wet? My cats seemed to know how silly and vulnerable they look and want to retreat and hide until they can get dry again.
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10:24 am
August 1, 2009
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monica
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| Mighty Chicken | posts 494 | |
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being wet just steals their dignity. mine will not let me carry them down to the basement anymore, even if the laundry tub is not the goal.
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My budget plan is NOT getting a cart when I go to the store.
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12:48 am
September 6, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.
This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer or sewing machine, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
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10:22 pm
September 12, 2009
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Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2673 | 
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That's just crazy! I can't believe I've never heard of that before. I think I'll use this trick on people when their drinking..
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Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
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9:10 am
September 13, 2009
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okbarb
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GeorgiaZ said:
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.
This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer or sewing machine, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
Arrghh – you make me so mad – you are right Again Georgia! I thought, of course, I can do this I play the organ and use both feet and both hands. I can drive our tractors and bull dozer using both hands and feet independently so I can do this. Nope! And yes, I have tried repeatedly. Glad no one can see me!
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There are only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
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12:01 pm
September 14, 2009
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CindyP
| | Hart, MI | |
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Grammar Lesson
On his 66th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed the ticket to the medicine man and wondered what would happen next.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say, '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
Encouraged, as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded. "But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
Very eager to see if it worked he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition!
ONE COULD END UP WITH A DANGLING PARTICIPLE!
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“Learn all you can from the mistakes of others. You won’t have time to make them all yourself.” ― Alfred Sheinwold
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4:09 pm
September 14, 2009
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WV_Hills
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The kids today don't know how to diagram a sentence. I'd be surprised if they would know a dangling participle if it stepped up and introduced itself. I find myself gritting my teeth listening to the newscasters on the nightly news. At least the copy they are reading should be written in proper English, wouldn't you agree? (Don't I sound like an old fogey?)
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4:55 pm
September 14, 2009
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beeyourself
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yes…well, but…Kathy – did you get the joke??? 
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5:28 pm
September 14, 2009
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Jayne
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I did! But I do have to agree with Kathy too! LOL!
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8:29 pm
September 14, 2009
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WV_Hills
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beeyourself said:
yes…well, but…Kathy – did you get the joke???
I'm a little naive, but even I got the joke. I bet that wife wishes she' had paid more attention in English class. I think more people should.
You have to understand that one of my favorite authors and my hero is William Safire – at one time a speechwriter for John Kennedy. He wrote a column for the New York Times Magazine for years, pointing out the uses and misuses of the English language. That's should tell you something about me, when my bedtime reading is a book called “The Right Word in the Right Place at the Right Time: Wit and Wisdom from the Popular Language Column in the New York Times Magazine.”
Yes, I know I'm a little strange…. Okay, a lot strange…
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6:57 am
September 19, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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For you OkBarb…and the OK state fair.
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,
And every year Morris would say,
'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,
'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,
And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
'Esther, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,
'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride.. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
I'm impressed!'
Morris replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth,
I almost said something when Esther fell out,
But you know,
fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
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8:15 am
September 19, 2009
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JeannieB
| | Columbia, South Carolina | |
| Superstar | posts 1453 | |
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Don't cry because it's over—smile because it happened!
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8:32 am
September 19, 2009
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Pete
| | WV | |
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Was the man with the dangling paritciple named Morris?
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Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
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8:53 am
September 19, 2009
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beeyourself
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…no Pete…I'm almost positive that his name was Bob!
(cute one!)
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10:21 am
September 20, 2009
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monica
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| Mighty Chicken | posts 494 | |
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Morris heirs are going to celebrate! They won't have to share the inheritance. That was a good one!
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My budget plan is NOT getting a cart when I go to the store.
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10:33 am
September 20, 2009
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okbarb
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| Super Chicken | posts 537 | |
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That is cute Georgia! I tried to retell it to Charlie and it lost something in the translation. I am not a good joke teller at all but I do love a good joke. Thanks!
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There are only two ways to live your life: one is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
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11:18 am
September 25, 2009
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GeorgiaZ
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Three Rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.
As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower
and is DRT (Dead Right Thar).
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well,
someone should go and tell his wife.'
Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff,
I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'
'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Donnie replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she
gave you beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Donnie says, 'When she answered the
door, I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow".'
She said, 'You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'
Rednecks Are Good At That Sensitive stuff.
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1:04 pm
September 25, 2009
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JeannieB
| | Columbia, South Carolina | |
| Superstar | posts 1453 | |
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Oh Georgia, that ones too funny!!!!!!!
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Don't cry because it's over—smile because it happened!
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