No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired..

Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally .'

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'

Sally said, 'Finders keepers.' She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door.. 'Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?'

Sally said, 'No'.

Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic..

Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile'

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said:'Tell us the
story from the beginning.'

Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday …..'

The first officer turned to his partner and said, 'We're outta here!'

Is love blind??

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.'

The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?'

Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.'

There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address. She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'

Exercise for the over forties

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll l find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks.

Then try 50-lb. potato sacks.

Then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand, and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

(I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment..

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says,
'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man. The waitress asks, 'What's with the emu?'

The truckie sighs, pauses, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big butt and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'

A man and his wife were awoken at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man got up and went to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in
the pouring rain, was asking for a push.
"Not a chance," replied the husband, "it's 3:00 in the morning!"
The husband slammed the door and returned to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answered.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did not. It's 3:00 in the morning and it's pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," said his wife. "Can't you remember about
three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? You
should be ashamed of yourself! I think you should go out and help him."
The man did what he was told, he got dressed and went out into the
pounding rain. He called out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," came back the answer.
The husband called out "Do you still need a push?"
"Yes, please!" came the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asked the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
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