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10:07 am
February 2, 2009
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IowaDeb
| | Quad City Area | |
| Super Chicken | posts 713 | |
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Don't Laugh, this could be you..
AAADD
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS…..PLEASE READ!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail….
Do me a favor
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who the heck I've sent it to.
Don't laugh — if this isn't you yet, your day is coming
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Sometimes,I live in my own little world, but it's okay because they know me here.
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10:15 am
February 2, 2009
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Jayne
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This is soooooo me, way so me!
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10:55 am
February 2, 2009
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Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Superstar | posts 1031 | |
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The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
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12:10 pm
February 2, 2009
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Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2673 | 
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I realized while reading about AAADD, that I have they symptoms!,Deb! I always have too many irons in the fire and end up going around it circles!!
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Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
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9:17 am
February 6, 2009
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Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Superstar | posts 1031 | |
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An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president' s office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, ' Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don' t mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness. ' No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that he president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,
'Oh, it' s probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!
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The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
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6:18 am
February 8, 2009
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Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2673 |
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Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
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8:14 am
February 8, 2009
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Jayne
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9:46 am
February 10, 2009
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Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Superstar | posts 1031 | |
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If you didn't see this
on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down
when you read it. This is probably the funniest date
story ever, first date or not!!!
We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake. Jay Leno went
into the audience to find the most embarrassing
first date that a woman ever had.
The winner described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale
took the prize!
She said it was midwinter…Snowing and quite cold… and the guy
had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt
Lake City , Utah .
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had
never met before. The outing was fun but relatively
uneventful until they were headed home late that
afternoon.
They were driving back down the
mountain, when she gradually began to realize that
she should not have had that extra latte. They were
about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room
and in the middle of nowhere!
Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a
while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and
slow going, there came a point where she told him
that he had better stop and let her go beside the
road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out
beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
In the deep snow she didn't have good footing,
so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to
steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of
the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real
gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could
think about was the relief she felt despite the
rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of
another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants,
the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly
glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of
tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as
she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy
metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand
new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of
the moment, she answered her date's concerns
about 'what is taking so long' with a reply
that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off'
and in need of some assistance! He came around the
car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater
and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes,
he burst out laughing.
She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed
to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they
also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly
cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place,
both quickly realized that there was only one way to
get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her
first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee
her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight
Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be
'pants down. 'And you thought your first
date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment…'This gives a whole new meaning to
being pissed off.' Oh and how did the first date turn out?
He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show. 
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The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
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11:35 am
February 10, 2009
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WV_Hills
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Yep, that sure gets my vote.
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2:34 am
February 11, 2009
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Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2673 |
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Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
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2:36 am
February 11, 2009
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Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2673 |
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Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
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6:11 am
February 11, 2009
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WV_Hills
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Leahld22 said:
OOPHS!
No problem, I was able to zap the duplicate posts. Sometimes my internet is slow and I think something didn't "take" so I send it again, and end up with many more than I meant to send.
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8:44 am
February 11, 2009
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Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Superstar | posts 1031 | |
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The Pregnant Blonde
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly, but I thought what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, 'I have some really great news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.
I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!'
Then she said, 'There's more.'
I asked, "What do you mean there's more?"
She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!'
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said…. 'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!'
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The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
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12:15 pm
February 11, 2009
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Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2673 |
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WV_Hills said:
Leahld22 said:
OOPHS!
No problem, I was able to zap the duplicate posts. Sometimes my internet is slow and I think something didn't “take” so I send it again, and end up with many more than I meant to send.
Thanks…I tried to zap them, but my powers are'nt as strong as yours! 
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Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
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1:45 pm
February 11, 2009
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Salamander
| | Charleston, WV | |
| Superstar | posts 1031 | |
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Leahld22 said:
 
Why does everyone expect more than this? Inquring minds want to know?
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The person who upsets you the most is your best teacher, because they bring you face to face with who you are.
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2:15 pm
February 11, 2009
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Pete
| | WV | |
| Moderator
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Guess it kinda depends on whether part of that "everybody" is paying you to do more than that! 
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Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
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2:17 pm
February 11, 2009
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Leahld22
| | Newburgh, IN | |
| Superstar | posts 2673 |
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I made coffee before I hit the keyboard….does that count?
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Life is too important to be taken too seriously.
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2:34 pm
February 11, 2009
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Pete
| | WV | |
| Moderator
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If it doesn't, somebody needs to rethink their priorities! 
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Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
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7:20 pm
February 11, 2009
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Belladonna
| | Bossier City, Louisiana | |
| Super Chicken | posts 924 | |
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I laughed out loud at the car bumper joke above…LOL Had to catch up on these jokes – they are so funny!
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9:32 pm
February 11, 2009
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Jayne
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GeorgiaZ said:
This is where I live!!!
And I think it's where I work!
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