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On our road, there are two and a half miles between the hard road where my cousin’s farm is and the river ford. There are a handful of residents on the first half mile of the road. Once you get past that, heading out toward the river ford, you’ve only got scattered hunting cabins other than two houses plus ours. There is a woman who lives in one of these houses. I’ve had several interactions with her in the past year. The first interaction involved her car being broken down when she picked up her kids from the bus. I was on my way out to look at our then-under-construction house and I took her and her children home in my car. My second interaction with her, months later, was when I was passing her on the road. I happened to have my window down and she rolled her window down and told me that I drive too fast on this road and she didn’t like it. I thanked her for letting me know and went on. Now whenever I drive past her, I make sure my window is rolled up.
FYI, this is the woman who drives 5 mph who stopped in the road and picked up the turtle. Yeah, I didn’t like it that that incident made me like her a little bit. She still drives too slow. When I say 5 mph, I’m not exaggerating. Sometimes it’s 3. And I hardly think driving 15 mph on this road is acting like I’m on the Autobahn, so yeah, it annoyed me that she gave me a hard time that one day. I think she’s rude and bossy. (There is no posted speed limit on this road, though I’ve been told it’s commonly considered 25 mph on rock-based roads in this area. I don’t know for sure. It’d be difficult to go any faster than that without careening over a cliff, so I suppose no sign is posted because the rough, winding road forms it own limits.) It’s simply not necessary to creep along this road, though, which is what she does. Two and a half miles is a long way at creeping speed. There are various points along the road where I could go around her if she stopped or even pulled over just a little, but she never does that. She forces me to creep along behind her. For two and a half miles.
If I have to pass her on the road coming from the other direction, it’s always me who has to move, not her, even if it’s harder for me. One time I came across her and she stopped her car in the middle of the road. I waited for her to move over at least a little to help me pass her. She didn’t move. Eventually, she got out of her car, marched up to my car window, told me I had 4WD and she didn’t so she wasn’t going to move over and I’d better just figure out how to get around her. I asked her if she could move over just a little since there was a CLIFF there and she was in the MIDDLE of the road. She could move over a little to help, 4WD or not. Nope, not budging. I get a sense of resentment from her. I’m an outlander, “that writer” who built that house on the hill and pretends to be a farmer. I’m a blight upon the community and she’s letting me know, in her way, that I’m not welcome. And then there’s the fact that I came with all those teenagers. She doesn’t like them, either. She came stomping up to my house one day to complain about the way 17 drives. She thinks he drives too fast and she doesn’t like it. (Are we sensing a pattern here?) I thanked her for letting me know. Then she complained about him at the sheriff’s office, too.
In the house where this woman lives with her little children, they do have electricity, but little else. They have no phone service and no TV. Their house is actually two old single-wide trailers put together, and there is mildew almost completely covering the outside of the trailers. I don’t think they have any electric heat because in the winter they are always burning wood and I always think they are going to burn their trailer(s) down. Sometimes I complain that I need money, but all I have to do is look at their home when I drive out the road to know that I am blessed. Their living situation is the classic image of stark Appalachian poverty. I do think this woman is good-hearted–she stopped and got that turtle out of the road–and she is country-wise–she is one of the neighbors I watch to see if they will drive to the river ford or not. But I would never tell her that because I don’t like her. Well, maybe the truth is that I like her, but I don’t like that I like her because along with good-hearted and country-wise, she is so abrasive. Mostly, I just try to avoid her. Which isn’t hard since I have 40 acres to seclude myself. But whenever I drive out the road….. There she is, somehow, always, when I am on the road.
Then the other day I came across her on the road, stopped. She’s strange, so I just went past her then I thought, hunh, maybe I should check, so I stopped the car and told Princess to get out and run back there and find out if she was just stopped for no reason (or, heck, actually moving and I can’t tell because she drives so slow the human eye cannot detect the motion) or broken down. Princess ran back down the road then ran back. The woman’s car was broken down.
Remember that the first time I ever interacted with this woman, I gave her a ride because her car was broken down and all she’s ever done since then is give me a hard time. With great reluctance, I got out of the car and walked back to hers and said, “You want a ride back to your house until you can get some help?” (Cuz, like, if she’s got car trouble, I can’t do anything about that, but I can give her a ride home. And on that stretch of the road, far past the handful of houses at the head of the road and with the river ford closed to traffic from the other direction right now, she’s not likely to get help from anyone else.) I could look her in the eye and see that I was the last person in the known universe from whom she wanted to accept help. But she took it. And I took her home. We drove a mile down the road (at 15 mph, about which she made nary a complaint) and chit-chatted awkwardly about the big storm and I was so relieved when we got to her house and I could let her out.
Our phone was out that day (in the aftermath of the storm), and I told her, “I hope your phone is working so you can call someone because our phone is out.” She said, “We don’t have a phone.” And I felt really bad because I knew that (her little kids had told that to Princess one day on the bus) but I had temporarily forgotten because, well, everyone has a phone. or so you think, and it’s such a basic that it slipped my mind that she didn’t have one. But she said she would use her other car to go get someone to help her with her broken-down car.
And, rid of her at last, I drove away and felt good about helping her in spite of the fact that I didn’t want to help her. I felt good about it, well, honestly, partly because she didn’t want me to help her. I think it annoyed her that I helped her. (Revenge!) And I know that someday I might need help and she is one of the few people who live out here and now she has to help me whether she wants to or not because I have helped her twice. (Self-serving!)
What a crappy person I am! Then I couldn’t even feel good about helping her.
I told this whole story to 52 and he said, “Your trouble is that you are supposed to help her because she needs help and you should expect to gain nothing in return, neither revenge nor some reward in the future.”
He’s such a Yoda. I don’t know how he’s gotten through life without being smacked around more.
I figure this woman will be broken down in the road ten more times and each time I will be tested to see what my motivation is for picking her up, and when I finally pick her up with no motivation other than seeking the goodness of mankind, her country-wise, good-hearted, and abrasive self will evaporate as if she never existed because she was only put here on Earth as a mere figment, an ornery angel, to turn me into a better person.
Which, apparently, I am light years away from becoming as I imagine her entire existence revolving around the improvement of my character.
Posted by Suzanne McMinn on June 11, 2008Registration is required to leave a comment on this site. You may register here. (You can use this same username on the forum as well.) Already registered? Login here.
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http://lifeislikechampagne.blogspot.com/
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Anyway great blog & I’ll visit more often.
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I guess we know that Yoda is right. I could go on and on about what MIGHT motivate this neighbor’s attitude and actions but instead I will just say thanks, you did the right thing, and may the force be with you!
7:26
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I myself, however, would have helped her, then badmouthed her to the empty car all the way home, and maybe said a small prayer that her car get shat on by sixty or seventy birds. But then, I’ve never made any bones about being a catty bitch.
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You might want to consider reinforcing the lower part of your chicken run with hardware cloth. Raccoons can reach through and grab chickens through chicken wire or anything wide enough to get a paw through ( and can rip right through some chicken wire) and pull their little heads off. You may want to bury the wire several inches in the ground so that nothing can dig under. I am using a dog run for chicken run (with chicken wire over the top for hawks) and was advised that even though my set up and fencing was strong, it was not going to prevent coons without the hardware cloth.
I loved your post today, btw.
Cathy in Michigan
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She probably does resent you. You ain’t from here, even if your family has been here for generations, she prefers to think of you as an outlander. You also seem quite well-to-do to her, and green-eyed envy might be part of it. And a writer–well, you know about them!
And if you aren’t all about you, who will be? Good on you for trying to understand this strange relationship.
7:56
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There is something very WV and very very Roane Co. about helping your neighbor even though they kind of suck an annoy you to no end.
Its just what you do when they need a hand, and it doesn’t hurt that you know they kinda owe you one after it.
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I would have helper her, too. But gritted my teeth the whole way. And prayed I never need her for anything!
I have a neighbor similar to that. He has caused us numerous problems in the past. I would be dying of dehydration and still wouldn’t ask him for a drink of water!
8:37
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Here’s a quote that sums up situations and people like this:
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. –Wayne Dyer
I don’t think the woman is reaction to *you* personally. It’s what you represent, perhaps. I mean, often when someone angers us or we take a dislike to them, it’s reflecting something inside of us that we don’t like or perhaps wish we had — an aspect of our personality. Everything is a mirror of our own reflection.
Even if you help her at some point with no thought to revenge or future reward, her behaviour is not likely to change. That *is* her Karma.
-Kim
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I read your blog every day and greatly enjoy it.
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Kim A: I printed out the Dyer quote and it lives on the refrigerator now. Thanks!
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Hopefully you never have to turn to her for help. She might be one of those people who will do anything for animals/wildlife (like her turtle incident) but may just drive right on by you…or rather, inch her way by you while shooting daggers at you with her eyes….
Oh the fun of country living!
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Been reading for a while and love your writing. And photos. And recipes.
I was an ‘outlander’ in a small rural community in central KY for about 10 years, and can so relate to alot of your experiences.
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You are a good person for helping, no matter what your motivation. And if you do need her help in the future I hope it is for some tiny little thing, because she might hold something bigger over your head forever. Oh the thought…
10:53
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In your case, you do have to deal with her often. It is like she is purposely testing you, I agree. “I’ve lived her longest..you are an outsider…I am jealous of all you have”, ect. I would “kill her with kindness” and I feel she one day will return it (not that you care, but to make life easier LOL). I would almost go out of your way sometimes, to bring her a pie or or do something kind. “Just thought of you today and hope you like pie”..type thing. She may become your STRONGEST ally one day – totally loyal to you. That is how Ruth Graham won over the mountain fold in her biography – showing love and devotion for them and they would end up so loyal to her it was unreal. Hope that helps…just my 2 cents. LOL
Now in the flesh (as they say – some of those that are so Heavenly, they are no earthly good)…you want to just Jap slap her. LOL Or sick Georgia on her, I am sure. A natural HUMAN reaction/emotion.
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And pie or bread delivered fresh to her door might also give you a glimpse of her life and vise versa, which would be eye opening.
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What I’d like to know, though, is how she manages to drive so slow. I’ve never been able to go that slow unless I keep my foot on the brake! Even without my foot on the gas, my cars never went slower than 10mph!
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I hope you’re having a good day.
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About your neighbor, we live on the end of a country road, dealing with wash outs, etc, and NEIGHBORS who come out with GUNS when they think you’re going too fast. Our neighbor scared my visiting sisters so badly they don’t like to drive here after dark ! I love your line about your neighbors’ very existence being about you, I am guilty of that feeling sometimes ( O.K., a lot) and it helps to remember the world is not about me…but hey, sometimes maybe? KathyB.
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I don’t know if I would have helped her.
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C
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Good for you for helping her, whatever your motivation.
And I loathe pokey drivers, so I’m right there with ya.
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Be careful how involved you get with this person. She will never cease resenting you, and that is not your fault. It may go underground, but it will be there. Don’t ever let her make you feel bad about yourself again.
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especially when we want to wallow around in female cattiness. :flying:
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Today, however, say your prayers and thank God for your wonderfully warm, convenient, beautiful, and full of food farmhouse!
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