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My oldest son, Ross, graduated from high school in June. He told me, in June, like he’s been telling me all through high school, that he didn’t want to go to college. He got a job working construction. He loves to build stuff.
One rainy day, after slogging through thick mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of cement, he came home and said he didn’t think he wanted to do that for the rest of his life.
Goody! Can we talk about college again?
No. He wanted to talk about the military again. He’s been talking about the military for four years. And I’ve been crying about it for four years. I’ve had a few not-so-friendly run-ins with military recruiters. And I’ve bothered the principal of the high school a few times about all those military recruiters up at the school. Why, why, why must they let them come there? Leave my little boy alone! Don’t they know these are children? Recruiters would send stuff in the mail and I would throw it out. I’m a mother. I like my child just how he is, with all his arms and legs attached. At one point, Ross asked me to sign him into the military when he was 17, when it requires a parent signature.
Are you kidding? My grandmother signed my father’s little brother into the Marines when he was 17, during World War II, and he was killed on a Pacific Island. So. I don’t think so.
But Ross was 18 and he had already scheduled an appointment with a Navy recruiter to go to Beckley (West Virginia), a couple of hours south, to the military entrance processing station there. What? I asked him what else he’d done without telling me. ARE YOU MARRIED? (No. Whew.) The Navy recruiter called the next day and I grilled him. He almost made me feel like it might be okay. Like I have a choice. My son is 18. Do they not know that is still a child?
Ross wanted to be a Seabee. He loves construction! He had taken the ASVAB (general military entrance exam). Only when he went to Beckley to sign up, there were no positions available in the Seabees. In fact, it’s not so easy to get into the military these days. The past year’s economy has created quite a backlog in the military for new enlistees. The military is very appealing in poor economic times.
Oh, happy day! No more military. Only. There were two jobs needing enlistees in the Navy. That would be Navy SEALs and nukes (the nuclear program). SEALs and nukes are in demand because these are positions that require high qualifications.
I actually have some experience and knowledge about Navy nukes. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I was a Navy wife. I was married to a nuclear submariner. (He was stationed in Charleston, South Carolina, though he ported out of King’s Bay, Georgia.) He was, in fact (of course), Ross’s father.
To be a Navy nuke is prestigious–and difficult. It requires a six-year enlistment due to the two-year educational training. There are big bonuses and advanced pay grades. It’s rigorous and only the smartest of the smart get in there.
Ross threw the Seabees out the window, since nothing was available there. He was bound and determined to join the Navy. He didn’t want to be a SEAL, though. He’d do that nuke thing. That’d be fine. The Navy recruiter took another glance at his less-than-stellar high school transcripts, which didn’t include classes like, say, PHYSICS, and told him that he didn’t think that was going to work out.
Ross + high school = girls + cars
Sorry, there wasn’t much time (OR ANY) for that studying thing. Or taking real classes.
His ASVAB score wasn’t that high and he’d have to take the separate nuclear test and pass it with flying colors. The Navy recruiter advised against it. Maybe a job requiring less qualification would come up. Ross decided he’d take the nuke test.
He went home and asked his 11th-grade football-playing little brother to explain physics to him. (His 11th-grade football-playing brother actually takes real classes in high school and pays attention.) Another job in the Navy, requiring less qualification, did come up. The recruiter called. Ross refused it. He went back to Beckley and took the nuke test.
And passed it.
Only he didn’t pass it very high, so if he was going to get in the nuke program, he was going to have to go back yet again and re-take the ASVAB and make a very high score to qualify.
The Navy recruiter said he’d never had anyone re-take the ASVAB and improve their score. At all. Much less, by a significant margin, which was what Ross needed to do.
He thought he was wasting his time.
On a boy who didn’t even take physics in high school, or anything past the basic required maths.
And he gave Ross two weeks to prepare.
I cried a little bit more then I bought Ross a study book. Ross decided to learn everything there was to know about physics in two weeks. (Teenagers are SO FUNNY.) And I decided that if he could really make it into the Navy’s nuclear program, I was okay. It’s safe. He’ll be living in a submarine and sleeping on a shelf. I’ve been inside a Navy submarine. I was a Navy wife. This, I know. It’s not Afghanistan.
Ross took the study book in hand and said, “I don’t know how to study. I can’t remember the last time I studied.”
Me: “Well, IT WASN’T IN HIGH SCHOOL, WAS IT?”
Yesterday, he went back to Beckley and re-took the ASVAB. He scored so high, if he’d done that the first time around, he wouldn’t have even had to take the separate nuke test.
There’s no turning back. His signature is on the dotted line. He is scheduled for boot camp in Great Lakes, Illinois and two years of nuclear school in Charleston, South Carolina, to be followed by four years of sea duty. There is a total six-year commitment. He volunteered for submarines.
HE’S IN THE NAVY NOW.
Holding the envelope with his enlistment contract.
Boot camp ship date: June 17, 2010.
I’m proud of him.
Update: See Letters from Boot Camp here and his Navy boot camp graduation here.
Posted by Suzanne McMinn on October 16, 2009
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My prayers are with him that the experience is all good for him and you!
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She loved almost every minute of it. Boot camp basically sucks, but its not real life. The rest of it – she Liked.
Here’s to Ross for making a Great choice for himself and his future!
Hang in there, mom.
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And congratulations Ross!!!!!
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Shall I send you a box of tissues next spring?
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Good luck with all you do, Ross. Way to take the bull by the horns.
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Best of Luck Ross and thank you for your service!
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Donna
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I hope my own high schooler can find herself as simply as your son has. Congratulations–to both of you.
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And we may need to start your stockpile of Kleenex……..
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As a mom, I feel your pain, fear, and worry. I watched my mama send 2 of my brothers off to the marines during the Vietnam era. Both came home MEN, her boys were forever changed – but in good ways. So hug him close, pray for him daily, and watch him become a man. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{family}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Congratulations Ross!
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WV is a long way from Granbury, yes?
I didn’t see you at National this year and I’m guessing you were busy farming.
TTYL!
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Sorry that you are having to send your son off to live somewhere else for a while, but what you will get back will be amazing!
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And on letting go…when I watch my now 12-year old cross the street by herself, I still watch (from afar) for cars.
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His story reminds me almost exactly of two other young men I know. One didn’t want to college and enlisted in the Navy, hoping to work with computers. They made him a cook. He loved it, and when he came out he went to chef school and is now a chef at a Waldorf Astoria and in love with his work, so the Navy sent him in a new direction and showed him his passion.
The other was a friend of my son’s. Very similar story to Ross’s. Loved athletics, hated school (to his parents’ chagrin. They’re both educators). Started college, hated it. Joined the Navy, trained at Great Lakes and totally loves it. It turned his life around.
Still, I know that none of that makes this easier for you. A thousand success stories wouldn’t. How could they when this is your child, and your first child to leave home. As the mother of two sons only a few years older than yours, I’ve faced those fears and I know how difficult this must be for you. But it sounds as if this is Ross’s passion, and it must make you so proud that he is following his with the determination to do whatever it takes to succeed.
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In my opinion, it’s a big mistake for every single person to think they need to go to college. Ross will learn amazing life skills in the Navy, and he will come out of it with self-confidence, discipline, and knowledge that will take him places he never dreamed of. This is a good thing, Suzanne. And now that he knows how easy it is for him to learn new things, maybe he’ll end up going to college later, anyway, and doing yet something else. It’s all good.
Best of luck to him, and I also want to thank him for choosing service to his country.
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big hug,
amber lynn
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Well, prayer is a good habit, and I feel like I’m certainly developing that habit these days. I will add your son to my prayers as well. As military service goes, I think he picked a good branch and job. It may be, too, that once he’s in it for a little while he’ll start to see some new direction for his life. My son didn’t want to consider college either, but he’s already talk about possibly becoming a high school teacher when he gets out, and he’s decided he does not want to re-enlist after his four years. That’s a victory on its own.
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I have an 18 year old (my oldest). He is a senior this year. This growing up stuff is hard…for the moms. He’s not sure what he wants to do and it is hard to step back and allow him the freedom to make his own decisions. After all, he’s the one that will have to get up and go to work for the next 30+ years. He needs to chose what makes him happy and not what makes his mom happy.
The military is scary because it takes them away from you. However, something happens when a young man goes off to the military. My husband went into the military right out of high school. He was in the Army Rangers. He will tell you that it was the smartest decision he ever made. No one is his family supported his decision to enter the military. They thought he was throwing his life away. However, the military opened so many doors for him and showed him that he was capable of so many things.
As a teacher this story proves that just because a person doesn’t take physics or college-bound courses, they are doomed to a life of hardships (hope the sarcasm comes through on that one).
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I know how hard this is for you Suzanne.My daughter was in the Army & served in Iraq.
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Congratulations!
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I’ve been in the Air Forc for over 17 years now and know what chages (good ones) it made in me … and now as a senior NCO I watch how my young airmen are growing and learning the strengths that they have. And the opportunities that the military offers for education etc help also.
YEA ! ROSS AND SUZANNE – WE ARE SOOOOO PROUD OF YOU !
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Way to go Ross!!! It is amazing what they can do when they set their mind to something….
my oldest is in the army & was stationed in Afghanistan.
He came home from his 1st yr tour in march on his birthday – no better birthday present – you’ll have to let us know where he is so we can all send him care packages.
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Love and Prayers, Suzanne!
From ALL your cousins “over the hill.”
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Best of luck to him. Sounds like he’s got quite a backbone, good stubborness and the desire to succeed. Wonder who he got that from?
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What a blessing you and your family are, thanks for perservering, doing what you feel is right. And for writing about it with such elan.
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hugs from PA
connie
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These are those moments, as a mom, that warm your heart and scare you to death at the same time. We’ll be praying for you all.
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Good for Ross, And Good for you!
Beth Brown aka oneoldgoat
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XOXO
Joni
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I too married a Navy Nuke. He had just graduated boot camp when we got married. He too was stationed on subs out of Norfolk, Virginia. He got out of the Navy after serving almost 12 years. He had too big of a husband and Daddy heart and he didn’t like leaving his family for sea duty. I also have an 18 year old and 16 year old son. If I had to choose, I would choose the Nuke path for my boys too. This path has given my husband a fantastic career in the Nuclear world. He is now a nuclear engineer contractor with no college degree. His experience in the Navy qualified him for the jobs he has had since then. I am excited for Ross. It sounds like he has found his motivation!
grace and peace,
julie
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The military is great for getting kids to grow up and be mature too, for those that are not mature. Good for him!!!
My father had been in the wars, since Korea…Vietnam..and one time I told him that someone’s mother didn’t want her son to join because of the wars and he got really mad and said “yeah,they want everyone ELSE to go fight for them”…so Ross is stepping up to the plate, at least, to serve and protect. Good news. Go Ross!
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You have every right to be proud of him, Suzanne.
Estella, mother of 4 ex-Navy men—no nukes.
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So three bits of advice (should it be needed):
1. Just because his signature is on the line, doesn’t mean he can’t back out if he chose to do so.
2. Now that the recruiter has your son’s signature, don’t be surprised if you don’t hear so much from him again, if at all, until it’s closer to time. Meaning, if you have questions about anything – the process, the contract, etc. you will be on the bottom of their “to-do” list. Finding new recruits comes first.
3. If you or he would like to talk to my husband (no longer a recruiter) for some inside advice, I know he’d be glad to do it.
That said, I want to share something with you & your readers that’s not been brought up enough in the media.
The stress they put these guys through as recruiters is beyond unbearable. Especially for the guys just coming out of theater & now are being told to go “sell the military” – by no choice of their own. These guys didn’t join to become salesmen – they joined to fight.
I know from personal experience, if they don’t “perform” they threaten to take away pay, take away rank. And when there’s no more pay or rank to take away, they threaten to disrupt your family life so much that divorce will be the only option. They work you from 6am to midnight 7 days a week. They find ways to write up Article 15′s (punishment) to continue to push them to succeed.
PTSD is rampant. Drinking is rampant. Unethical means of recruiting & testing is rampant….and so is recruiter suicide.
The Houston station alone has had 4 suicides in less than a year. In Oklahoma, out of roughly 150 state-wide recruiters there were 4 suicides & 11 attempts in 2008.
My husband is a ‘by-the-book’ guy. His moral compass runs straight & true and being a recruiter, being forced to do ‘whatever it takes’, for 9 months nearly took his life.
It’s still hard to talk about it without getting emotional. But if you or your son need someone in your corner, please let me know. We’d be glad to do all we can.
Military life can be great – it can be a grand adventure like no other. And I know how proud you must be of your son – to set his mind on something & accomplish it. Just don’t let the process to get in taint your opinion of what it’s really like.
Congratulations to Ross & welcome to the family.
Much love from an overseas Army wife,
Jennifer
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Being military mom is something. I’m not sure what…but it sure is something…. and you’ll be in my thoughts.
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Sally B.
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I am proud of him and of you- Momma.
My family was military and I have nephews who are in the USN- all love what they do.
Good luck & God Bless HIM.
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The family a service member leaves behind also serves, so thank you for your service.
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I spent 3 years in the Air Force while Viet Nam was going on and then 3 years in the Air National Guard. My daughter wanted to enlist in the AF, but hasn’t gotten around to finishing her schooling. She’s dating/engaged to a young marine who is in Iraq. He’s not sure if he will re-up or not. My almost 18 ds is talking about enlisting in the AF, he wants to fly. He’s the only son for several generations and if something happens to him, his great-grandfather’s branch of the family dies out.
But you know, they have to be free to live their own lives. We can send in coaching signals, but ultimately, THEY have to live THEIR lives. If we try to make their decisions for them, we end up crippling them or leaving them angry and unmotivated.
Most of the young scamps I knew when I was in the AF have grown into religious people. Yes, they didn’t do a lot of things that they should and did a lot of things they shouldn’t, but eventually, they grew up and really became respectable citizens. They’ve taken the training they received and went out to make the world a better place.
I’m sorry Shelly made the comments she did. The only reason she can make them is that someone fought a war to allow freedom of the press, freedom of speech and the ability to continue speaking English! How easy it is to forget that fact. Yes, war is a sad thing and to be avoided, but sometimes you have to protect yourself and your country. Know that the “nuke kids” are a different class of sailor. They have to be or they wouldn’t live to tell about it – they are on NUCLEAR powered subs. You don’t mess around with that kind of ship.
Yes, you WANT your son to change. Green grows, ripe rots. You really don’t want him to remain a boy on the threshold of manhood all his life. Witness how many men are glad to sponge off of the women in their lives. How many keep coming home to mama when things get tough instead of standing on their own two feet. How many fail to provide for their own families. You’ve given him wings and roots, now it’s time to let him fly, he’ll come back better for the experience.
The truth is, your son is now an adult and has to choose his own way. You REALLY don’t have anything to say about it. All you can do is damage the relationship by trying to order him around. Look at how determined he was, as evidenced by his learning a topic in 2 weeks, just to pass those tests! This was not done on a “whim”! I’m glad that you love and trust him enough to support his decision to enlist. I’m glad you’re proud of him and not disowning him for not doing what you wanted.
True, going into the military is not my first choice for my kids (nor having them marry into a military situation). Not because I don’t want them to protect my country, but because I’ll miss them and I want them near me.
But it’s not MY choice, it’s their’s. It’s THEIR life. I support whatever honorable work they choose to do in this life, including joining the military and moving away. 
And I Facebook with my new “son” to keep up with him. I’m proud that he has chosen to serve.
By the way, your son is in more danger driving around town than he will be in the Navy. Ships don’t normally sink, but cars end up greasy side up all the time! lol now you can worry about that.
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My parents were both Navy!! Go Navy!!
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From a Semper Fi Mom
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All my sentiments have been said by others while my computer took a little nap.
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If you send food though make sure they have all the stuff they need, a friend of mine used to send back for cans of baked beans, and his mom would send them and a can opener, that way he could still eat them and not have to through the whole can out. My uncle used to send my mom tacos from taco bell with the sauces already on them, and rolled ready to eat
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Suzanne – hugs to you. Being a mom is one tough job (and it’s the best job on the planet too – but it ain’t for the weak!!).
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Congratulations to your son!
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FlowerLady
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He is, as they say, “The best of the best”. I will pray for him. WOW! I’m so impressed!
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I am proud of your son. I can see in his straight forward eyes that he will be everything a real American military man can be…honest and hardworking, smart and brave. Congratulations on this beautiful son…God bless him and keep him safe.
And I’m proud of you….how hard it must be to give a child up to the military. But you have shaped him and helped him become the young man he is and I know you want what is right and what is best for this boy child.
You will both be forever in my prayers.
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Blessings Colleen
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We seem to have a lot in common.
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-Samantha, FL.
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Reading about Ross’ adventures (and yours as his mom) have really helped me know what to expect. Thank you for sharing Suzanne.
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So hard.
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I served and retired from the submarine service, then of all things, our son went in the Navy and then went submarines as well. The service has been a long standing tradition in my family. Just our way. But, we (my son and myself) found a good life and good careers with challenge in the Submarine lifestyle.
I do wish him well. My son is nearing retirement now, he is on a Submarine located up here in the Northwest.
I enjoy your site very much, the work by you and so many others, the sharing of recipes and other crafts and such, just fantastic. Thank you so much for this and for allowing me to look around and try a few of the wonderful recipe’s listed.
I do look forward to sharing a few of my own recipe’s from from my double career in food service. Now, I just cook for fun and friends. Much easier and personal.
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I was searching for recipie for flower food when I connected to your site but I have always respected defense personnel and I just checked out the navy mom link. I was touched by your story and went about reading other comments as well. Thanks to you and all the other people who work to protect all the others.