That’s Dominatrix to You, Buddy

Mar
15


Somebody tell her that’s not gonna work?

So, on Saturday, Clover went into full-blown, desperate, tearing-her-clothes-off lust. She was singing Lookin’ for a Good Time by Lady Antebellum, throwing back whiskey shots, making I’m-dying noises in her throat, and flapping her tail at Eclipse through the fence. Eclipse’s tongue was hanging so far out of his mouth, I thought he might lose it. Or pass out.

I figure this means she didn’t get pregnant last time. Maybe she’s slipping contraceptives into her water bucket behind my back. I wouldn’t put it past her. We got the other girls in the goat house and brought out the lucky object of her amore.

She did a sexy little dance and they started rubbing up on each other right away.

Huggin’ and kissin’. And whispering sweet nothings at each other’s important parts.

Clover could only handle so much of this foreplay before she had to show him what to do.

And then! Oh, then! His knowing torture sent her head spinning madly.

She spiraled into some deep, sweet world of insistent need and exploding heat.

She could think of nothing but what he was doing to her and how much she did, oh she did, like it.

And then she couldn’t even think about that.

She felt dizzyingly limp and and startlingly alive all at once.

She arched against him, begging for more.

Ripples of bliss rolled over her as she floated to heaven only to discover that he was done.
And she was not.

That’s JUST LIKE A MAN.

And so, oh, how she tormented Eclipse while she…..flapped her bottom at poor Rhett.

Every few minutes she’d stop to see….

….if he was looking.

Oh yeah.

And so there was more of this.

And then Clover decided that SHE was done.

And that’s just the way the world works, boys.

Sorry about that!





Comments

  1. Sheila Z says:

    And I stayed up late for this!

    Laughing so much I wet my pants and snorted my tea, but it was worth it.

  2. Samantha Sullivan says:

    Wow. Goat love. What could be better! ;-)

  3. margiesbooboo says:

    Umm, you go girl? Not quite sure what to say about goat sex at 3 in the morning. Wait, wait, I know! Clover wants some Barry White CD’s!

    Did you see the article in US today about goats becoming the new in pet?

  4. carsek says:

    Yes, you are a romance writer. That’s great, maybe Now you will have babies and milk.

  5. CindyP says:

    :lol: She is the queen! Hopefully she taught him right this time! :lol:

  6. NorthCountryGirl says:

    Phewwwww! That was hot and heavy! I sure hope after all this, you have little baby goats running around the yard.

  7. Cheri D., Florida says:

    Goodness, who knew animal husbandry was so, well…STEAMY! Bless you Suzanne for making my laugh this monday morning!

  8. SkippyMom says:

    My 17 year old daughter just walked behind me while I was reading this post. She stopped and backed up, looked closer at the screen and inquired “Mom, why are you looking at goat porn?” heehee.

    Fingers crossed Ms. Clover gets knocked up – one can’t have enough cookie eating goats.

  9. mamawolf says:

    What a way to start the week – torid goat love. Too funny. Was the crooked little hen taking notes?

  10. Nita in South Carolina says:

    GOAT PORN!! ON A MONDAY MORNING!! Can this day get any better??? Wow I hope my coworkers don’t look at my history . . . I really don’t think I can explain this to them :dancingmonster:

  11. Jan Alexander says:

    So……. Are you missing romance writing? LOL

  12. Dixie in Iowa says:

    I’m now jealous of a goat.

  13. Eve Davis says:

    Well at least nobody lit a cigarette after it was all over! It is a shame that even in the animal kingdom the females have to show the males what to do.

    Thanks for the short love story, just like in the real world of the 2 legged animals. I guess we can learn form the four legged animals that men will be men , this is why toys were invented for women!

  14. Heather says:

    Is it right to be blushing over goat sex? I feel like I just watched a dirty movie. :D

  15. Angela P says:

    :shocked: WOW! My eyes are burning. :shocked:

  16. Deborah R says:

    :::fanning self:::

  17. Diane says:

    Oh my what a way to start the Morning. I think I need a cold shower now. lol. Cant wait to hear this animal love fest produces a baby or two!!!

  18. KentuckyFarmGirl says:

    ROFL, have I told you lately that I love your blog?

    You go CLOVER!!!

  19. Shannon says:

    “And whispering sweet nothings at each other’s important parts.”

    Priceless!!

  20. rain says:

    oh my goodness–you really didn’t give up romance writing novels!!! :shimmy–laughed myself silly!! thanks f a wonderful way to start a dreary Monday morning!! :sun: the sun is already starting to break through-thanks to you and :wave: your story!! :snuggle:

  21. Barbee' says:

    Well phooey, the last time didn’t “take”; now we have to keep waiting, and waiting. Clover, you are such a tease!

  22. IowaCowgirl says:

    OMG – the romance writer in you lives on…..does Clover know she is being exploited in this way???? or will cookies be a sufficient antidote for showing the world an intimate ovine moment??? (I’m betting yes on the latter, and apathy on the former)

  23. Nic, SD says:

    I… thought I was going to need a cigarette for a minute there…

  24. Nancy says:

    Kinda makes me want to read your romance novels! LOL Too funny but oh so true!

  25. juststartn says:

    Barnyard porn. Perfect for a Monday morning when I’m otherwise knee deep in “stomach bug laundry”.

    Hopefully, there will be lots of little cloverbuds running around the barnyard before too much longer (how long *is* goat gestation, anyway?)

  26. Diane says:

    Great! I’m at work and I have peed my pants. Gotta go home and change. Good thing I only live 2.5 miles from where I work.

    Goat Love ~ Ah ~ just like real life.

    Diane
    The Library Lady
    “Take surprise and delight in the little things”

  27. Nancy in Iowa says:

    OMG! You’ve started a whole new line of romance books – featuring goat sex! That Clover – what a woman!!! :dancingmonster:

  28. Elaine says:

    Ah Man! I thought this was a family show. Lol. Now I need a cigarette.

  29. catslady says:

    hahahahaha hysterical – I hope she gets to be a mama this time :sheep:

  30. lavenderblue says:

    The cookie eatin’ tart!

  31. Estella says:

    Too funny! Good luck this time.

  32. auntbear says:

    Barnyard Sex Ed 101 :airkiss:

  33. Arlene says:

    Just makes ya wanna dance!!! :dancingmonster:

  34. Yvonne says:

    Too funny, thanks Suzanne! :heart:

  35. Michelle Willingham says:

    Suzanne! Oh, my burning eyes. I can’t believe you made us look. LOL!!!! Hope you have some babies coming soon… :heart:

  36. goatgirl says:

    Clover may have ovarian cysts that prevent her from settling. If she comes in again after this I’d check this out. It really shouldn’t be this hard as many times as she’s been with a buck. I would suspect a problem if she doesn’t settle this time. There is a medication you can give her that will help her called cystorelin…something like th

  37. Ann says:

    hysterical the tears are tripping me…
    DH was chuckling along with me….
    Suzanne You are so good for my mental health.
    Bless ya sweetie.
    Have a Great one crossing what I can that clover is a mommy soon.

  38. Sasha says:

    I bet this is what one of your books is like, LOL :D

  39. Chic says:

    WOOOHOOOO LOL!!! Ain’t that the way it goes…we have to teach the men what we want….and when we’re done…we’re done. I hope by late summer you’ve got some little furry ones running around on the farm Suzanne…good luck! Take care. Maura

  40. Beth says:

    Great! I’ll never be able to read a romance novel the same way again! I’ll be seeing GOAT SEX in my mind and not people!!

    Hope she took this time. Good luck!

  41. Natalie O. says:

    Baby goats! Baby goats!

  42. P.J. says:

    Suzanne–You are so funny! Good writing but applied to the goats makes it take on another dimension altogether! I love the little stories you make up for your animals. Like, I loved the Crooked Little Hen story and how she took such good care of her man. And others you’ve written. So sweet and gentle. Adorable. P.J.

  43. Runningtrails says:

    Oh my! An X rated post! Too funny!
    I sure hope it takes! Baby goats would be so sweet!!

  44. kristin sherrill says:

    Ca-lover! Oh my goodness. What a little goat hussy. She sure showed him!

  45. Jenny says:

    I had to be careful which teachers I shared this with given the rating of the material, but my school staff are all anxiously awaiting news of Clover’s pregnancy. When would you be able to confirm that a five month gestation would be in the process?

  46. monica says:

    :bugeyed: :bugeyed: HOW DID i MISS THIS POST???? :bugeyed: :bugeyed: :bugeyed: Absolutely hilarious!

  47. easygoinglady says:

    OMG, this is hysterical. I don’t know how I missed that the first time around. Sometimes i click on the little links at the bottom.

  48. Karen H says:

    LOLOL Laughing hard here. This is toooo funny. Don’t know how I missed this one but I just found it and it is great. The comments are as funny as the story.

  49. rmac says:

    :moo: Glad I found your site Suzanne! I actually found it last night while I was waiting for an outside kitty to get in out of the cold (not mine I am stealing it from the neighbors who let him and his brother run loose)…just kidding I am not stealing it, I just can not stand it to be out in the cold. We live in the high mountains of Arizona and it is cold at night. Anyway, I was looking your site over and looked up one of your books (Protected In His Arms), liked the preview and the way you write downloaded it and started reading. Great writing. I so love to read and cook. looks like I hit a goldmine here on your site. Am going to make your croissant cinnamon rolls!
    R

  50. rmac says:

    :moo: By the way, the goat sex was great. I was laughing my head off, Clover is a cutie. I do not know how I found your site? I was looking at foodie sites and trolling for land in WV (I might have found something in St Marys WV…anyway I stumbled across your site and it is a treasure. We have three quarters of an acre here (long story was looking for land and my sister talked me into buying her place. What can I say, I am a sucker). So when we sell this we are going bye bye. I want woods – lots of them and land and a pond and a pony (I already bought a cart it is the cutest thing)and chickens and-well you get the idea. By the way we have seven cats and a dog.
    I think I am rambling…

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