An Unfortunate Affair


(Note: Not a Giant Puppy story for children’s eyes!)
I’ve always been a huge proponent of spaying and neutering. In fact, I’ve never had a dog or cat before that wasn’t fixed. I spent a great deal of time, effort, and money getting as many of the wild barn cats over at the old farmhouse fixed as I could while I lived there (and kept or gave away the kittens that were born before I could accomplish it all). I have eight cats now and they are all fixed. Coco is different. Not because she’s a registered, purebred dog. (I’ve had registered, purebred dogs before–and fixed them.) But because she’s not only a pet. She’s a working dog, a livestock guardian dog, and she is livestock herself. I keep goats for milk and sheep for wool, but I’m also breeding those goats and sheep because this is a farm and one of the ways a farmer makes an income is by producing more livestock–to sell to other farmers who are in need of them.

And so, for the first time, I experienced having a dog go into heat, her first heat (when, of course, I don’t want her bred because she’s not mature enough yet), and experienced for the first time the challenge of protecting a dog in heat. In my naivete, the goat yard seemed quite secure. After all, Coco can’t get out of it, and other big dogs that might come in to bother the goats–or her–can’t get in. Mission accomplished!

Only….. It wasn’t a big dog I had to worry about. It turned out to be a little, bitty, raggedy, scrawny thing that lives on down the road. (This entire story will be that much more interesting if I go ahead and tell you that this dog, whose name we don’t know but who I dubbed Rat Dog, belongs to the Ornery Angel, who not only lives to test my humanity but sends Rat Dog in her place at times, apparently. And just to explain before you ask–they have no fencing and, no, I’m not going to talk to her about her dog. What, do you want to get me punched??) The first sign of trouble was a hullabaloo in the goat yard. Upon investigation, I discovered this little dog springing cartwheels around Coco in hysterics. And while it seemed nigh on impossible that this tiny dog could logistically accomplish the deed with the Giant Puppy, it also didn’t seem like a good idea to take a chance.

Into the goats’ small night pen went Coco. Rat Dog had gotten into the goat yard because he’s small enough to squeeze through the gate. The night pen was made of smaller wire with pallets for gates. The Giant Puppy was safe again–

Until I got up the next morning and found Coco and the little Rat Dog lying in each other’s arms in the night pen. (Rat Dog was smoking a cigarette and everything.) Have no idea how he got in there.

The Giant Puppy was brought to the porch, penned in by sturdy gates with chicken wire nailed across the bars to block the Rat Dog. Finally, the Giant Puppy was safe!
I came back out onto the porch thirty minutes later and there was Coco and the Rat Dog lying in each other’s arms again.

I said, “I will defeat you, Rat Dog!”

Rat Dog: “You can’t defeat true love, Woman.”

Then I stamped my foot and the little rat ran off the porch, demonstrating how he’d gotten on, which was to clamber onto the outer shelf of the porch steps and from there jump to the outer shelf of the porch and then in between the bars.
We started nailing up pieces of wood to block the access. And the Rat Dog kept showing up on the porch, risking a 15-foot fall if he were to slip during his hysterical gymnastics.
Coco stood by the whole time saying, “Come to me, Rat Dog. I love you!”

There was just no talking sense to her.

The Rat Dog was finally stopped by this complex and mangled arrangement which included not only all sorts of pieces of plywood but a garden decoration strapped across the access, which would have required the Rat Dog to make a leap he just couldn’t manage unless he sprouted wings.
It’s a lovely addition to our decor, don’t you think? I fully expected to find the Rat Dog splat at the bottom of the porch the next morning due to his own ill-advised persistence, but apparently even he knew when he was foiled. He limited himself to whining from the porch steps from then on.

Coco spent several sad weeks confined to the porch, cut off from her would-be lover….
….while I fretted over the possibility of Great Pyr/Rat Dog puppies.

I told her, “Your true love is Admiral, Coco. He is your worthy suitor!”

Next time she goes into heat (which should be sometime this summer), we’ll take her to the goat farm for a date with Admiral.
(And boy howdy, isn’t he going to be glad to see her!)

By the time Coco was good and out of heat (and, whew, not pregnant, so apparently the Rat Dog did not accomplish the deed during their stolen night together), she had a bottle baby to watch, so Coco has continued to stay on the porch, though I can let her out for exercise and to do her business without worry now. Soon enough, the Giant Puppy and her little lambkin will both move down to the goat yard.

In the meantime, the little Rat Dog still regularly visits his true love. They have their brief moments together before I lock the Giant Puppy back onto the porch with her lamb.
Heat or no heat, the Rat Dog dreams his little dreams.

Rat Dog: “There has to be a way……”
“……I know it’s in there somewhere……”
“……Help me, Giant Puppy!”
Coco: “Help you do what?”


  1. CindyP says:

    So is your exterior motif back together and looking normal now?

    At least Coco has found love that will look but can’t touch!!! That’s what we want for all of our children… Rat Dog will get the hint after Coco goes to the goat farm for a few dates with Admiral! :woof:

  2. Cathy J. says:

    Oh, how funny! Maybe you need a male GP to come live at your farm… rat dog would quickly be dispatched to a far kingdom! Or maybe you need a chastity belt for Coco?

  3. Debbie in Memphis says:

    OH MY GOSH!!! I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much! Thank Heavens I wasn’t drinking anything; I’d have been cleaning the monitor, walls and ceiling for DAYS!!!

    I’m just a little sad that there won’t be Coco/Rat Dog puppies showing up on the website anytime soon…guess I’ll just have to console myself with pics of Annabelle and hope for future pics of Coco/Admiral puppies to come. :happyflower:

  4. Cece says:

    It is so nice to start the morning off with a good hearty giggle. I am glad rat dog didn’t get what he wanted.


  5. amber says:

    Well, trust me, its very possible for that wee lil dog to breed the giant puppy…but…if that ever happens (I hope not) there is a shot you can get from your vet that will put Coco back into her sterile phase of heat, Therefore preventing puppies from being made, but you have to administer it within 48 hours after the deed has been done, or its useless. bUT GOOD LUCK!

  6. Diane says:

    OMG that is too funny. I think rat dog is kind of cute. But I am glad that he did not get to do the deed. lol..

  7. Lauri says:

    You’re funny. :happyflower:

  8. anne says:

    Loved your story about Rat Dog and Coco this morning!!
    Too funny!!


  9. wkf says:

    Get Thine Rat Dog to the VET!!!! It is a stray and you don’t know who it belongs to. Period. A vet in another Town.

  10. Kathryn says:

    Ooh! A canine Harlequin! You know, this could be a whole new branch of business!

  11. pafarmgirl says:

    Ok, that was too funny. I was hoping for the “splat”!!!

  12. Fencepost says:

    When one goes in heat, we turn into the “protector”.
    They drive me nuts whining!!

  13. Twigs says:

    Don’t be so sure about the difference in their sizes maing it impossible to mate. I once had a male mini dachshund who mated with my giant golden retriever. When it was all over with (she sat down for the deed)she stood up and walked away, but the “tie” was still in place and the poor dachshund was dragged along on his head until the tie was broken. I peed my pants laughing. I had the female fixed the following week…

  14. Ellen says:

    I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at that picture of Admiral : ) Who KNEW there was going to be so much sex on our wholesome little farms : )

  15. brat says:

    Oh yeah its possible (she was laying on her side sleeping at the time) for him to do the dirty deed.

  16. Remudamom says:

    That’s hysterical. How do you know for sure that she didn’t get bred? Entirely possible, unfortunately.

    I used to raise collies and used the “morning after” shot when we had an unwelcome visitor. That female never got pregnant again, it messed her up somehow.

  17. Kaye Manro says:

    Funny and entertaining. I can always count on you to lighten up the day!

  18. mb. says:

    you ARE lucky. A neighbor of mine had a littler of great dane/jack russels; her husband refused to believe the jack russel could possible get the job done & was not always good about making sure the bitch was isolated. We all think he got sick of listening to her wine & put them together on purpose. Double-dumb they PAID to have her bred by another great dane, but none of the three pups looks purebred.

  19. Jenny says:

    Grand-puppies could have been just what you needed for a little neighborly drawing together! ๐Ÿ˜† At least their ill-planned tryst was harmless–those would have been some interesting pups.

  20. trish says:

    Funny story. With great pictures! You can’t help who you fall in love with!! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜€

  21. heidiannie says:

    I’m glad it turned out well for you,Suzanne, and there will be no Coco/rat dog puppies- but I have to admit to a small soft spot for the “star-crossed lovers”. LOL- Actually I agree with the vet and WVHills- you should take the rat dog to get a snip.

  22. Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife says:

    I think you need to get a second giant puppy – a male. He would defend Coco and keep her for his own. A male will not be deterred if he smells a female in heat. I’m laughing at the idea of Rat Dog dreaming about growing wings!!

    – Suzanne

  23. Lucy says:

    LOL…too funny! I loved it.

  24. epon4 says:

    Gotta agree about rat dog finding his way to the vet and getting snipped. If she can’t keep her darn dog penned in (I know many of us have accidents where our dogs get out, but this sounds different) then she needs to get it fixed. But it sounds like she is very irresponsible and not willing to do the right thing.

    I think little rat dog is VERY LUCKY! I know a lot of folks around here would S.S.S if it kept coming around. (I’m not encouraging that, just saying it’s a fact of life here)

    Glad he didn’t get her pregnant.

  25. jean says:

    Do they make doggie condoms? I think you need to talk to her about safe sex.

  26. Treasia/TruckersWife says:

    I haven’t laughed this hard in days. ๐Ÿ˜† I just about lost it when you said “smoking a cig”. To funny. Glad to know the Little Rat Dog wasn’t able to accomplish his goal. Better make sure there are no stumps around next time. He could get rather crafty.

  27. shirley says:

    ๐Ÿ˜† I thought I’d die laughing when I logged on to your page early this morning, then I just now revisited and read all the comments.
    There are some crazy women out here. I get such a kick out of reading their comments.
    Funny, funny, funny.

  28. shirley says:

    :happypuppy: COCO
    +:dancingmonster: RAT DOG
    =:snoopy: LOVE

  29. Glenda says:

    I can just hear “To Dream the Impossible Dream” playing for background music.

  30. Karen B says:

    Your “love story” and the comments just made my day! :snuggle:

  31. Bonnie B says:

    Face it honey, *all* men are rats …

    Thanks for the puppy love story and ensuing laughs this morning.

  32. shirley says:

    Should the title of this story be “Beauty and the Beast” or “Lady and the Tramp”?

  33. Steph says:

    Great Story, LOL funny! Little rat dog looks like he’s so in love. :woof:

  34. Linda says:

    Great post. Thanks for the laugh but know you really had a pain at the time it was going on.

  35. Judy says:

    I hope you wrote down the day that happened. It only takes 63 days to bake puppies. Not to scare you (much! ) but given Coco’s size…there could be about 25 of them.

    Oh yeah. He got her. Your barricades were cute, but way too late.
    You locked that barn after the horse got out. As a breeder of pugs, I know very well how ingenious they can be. You’ve been rooked. My bets are on the dogs!

  36. catslady says:

    LOL would have paid money to see how those pups would have come out looking :shocked: My daughter has a rescue dog – large head, tank size body and short bull dog type legs – she’s a dear but funny looking – oh and the deepest, scariest growl (all bark and no bite) :woof:

  37. Brandy says:

    Too funny! Thanks for sharing the love story. *G*

  38. Mollster says:

    Girl, I just about spit my coffee all over my desk, and once again, co-workers are wondering what I’m laughing so hard about!!

  39. Lola-Dawn says:

    Great post! I worked with a husky/malamute x beagle cross once … that was a “hmmm” for size diffs, altho she was a lovely dog to handle. Good luck nixing the Rat. I’m also thinking a quick trip for a snip would be a plan if you’re going to be neighbours for years to come.

  40. Jordan says:

    I guess I am the minority, why NOT spay dog? Great puppy will not have any ill effect for her Job as such.

  41. tillie says:

    woman. you crack me up!!!

  42. Traci in GA says:

    I vote for the snip-snip for Rat Dog. Since he is a ‘wandering stray’ the vet may give you a lower price and you’ll be doing the whole neighborhood a favor.
    I am seriously considering this solution for one of my neighbor’s cats…. another litter of half-wild kittens in the neighborhood is too sad.

  43. Darlene says:

    I can’t stop laughing, that is just too funny!

    I agree about taking the “rat” to the vet. I seriously doubt her owners will notice a thing.

    We kept our dog in the garage when she came in heat the first time. She was very young and we didn’t think she was old enough to be spayed. Hence “heat”. I thought the other dogs were going to break down the doors. The garage door windows were at the top of the door and we had paw prints and dog slobber all over them. Those horney rascals had to have been huge. (Hope “rat” is the biggest dog in your neighborhood.)

    Thanks for such a big laugh on this “hump” day!

  44. Julia says:

    I love your blog. And this post was priceless.

    They used to have chlorophyl pills you could give to a dog in heat–they don’t make her infertile, but they reduce the smell, so she is less attractive to male dogs. Don’t know if they still make them, but it’s worth checking into–you won’t want to breed her everytime she goes into heat.

    How is Annabelle’s tail doing?

  45. Cranberry says:

    Where there’s a will there’s a ….you know – ah love – it has no boundaries… :snuggle:

  46. Sheila Z says:

    I vote for setting a rat trap the next time he shows up. Humane catch rat trap with an overnight trip to a spa (vet) where they do a little reconstructive work on the offending bits. You’d be doing the world a favor.

    If Coco has purebred pups with Admiral I’d like to reserve one of the for me. Rat pups, not so much.

  47. Suzy says:

    Just think…you and the ” Ornery Angel ” could have set up play dates for the little ones! Wouldn’t that be interesting?

  48. Donna says:

    That Coco! Love that giant puppy! :sheepjump:

  49. Julie says:

    This is so funny! We have a toy poodle (6 lbs.) who is totally in love with our 70 lb. Golden Retriever. Heat or no heat. She is in love and he with her. Although he is a lady’s man. He has a wandering eye! She is love struck! :snuggle:

  50. Sharon says:

    I can commiserate with your predicament. I once had a Shelty that had a Black Lab suitor under the pic-nic table on my porch. He refused to be ousted until I gave him a shower with very cold water. That was just a temporary fix. The next day when I returned home, he had become entangled in an extension cord on my porch, which was also entangled to the table. In order to enter my front door, I had to call the Sheriff to remove the trapped animal. When they arrived, they said they would Shooo— him. I said I’ll turn my head. They then cut the cord, but captured him and called the dog warden, who aparently took their good old time getting here. My curious neighbors got a kick out of wondering what was going on. In the whole process, I had 3 more dogs come a callin’, so I pointed them out to the Sheriff also, who then began to clean up the neighborhood. THANK GOD!

    There’s a solution to almost any problem. Whew!

    PS. I forgot to mention that because I couldn’t get through my door, I couldn’t get to my phone to call the Sheriff, so I had to go to the Fire Department and have them call. THE SHERIFF, THE FIRE DEPARTMENT AND THE DOG WARDEN – That ought to work!

  51. Janis says:

    Great story, fabulous photos.

    With 15 million animals being euthanized EVERY year because of owners who are too lazy to neuter their pets:
    WHEN Rat Dog shows up in the future, take him to a vet and get him neutered. Since his owners don’t notice him missing, it is the easiest & best thing you can do for all parties involved.

    Much better than the three “s”s ( shoot, shovel & shut up )that happens in most rural areas to loose dogs.

  52. Dink says:

    ๐Ÿ˜† Thats tooo funny!!! Reminds me of my neighbors miniature beagal trying to fulfill his fantasies with my Anatolian Sheperd!!! Yea…it didn’t work for him either!! LOL!!!

    I got a real kick out of reading through your posts tonight. Thanks for the giggles!! Your gooood!!!! :shimmy:

  53. Susan says:

    I just found this website, and I am already telling my friends about it ! This Giant Puppy – Rat Dog love affair story was simply hilarious !!!
    Thanks for the good laughs ! Amazing…!!!

Add Your Thoughts