How to Entertain Yourself If You’re a Heifer


Somebody was wearing their calf weaner last night–

–but not this morning.

BP: “We’re happy. Leave us alone.”

Yeah. So. I took off looking for it.

Glory Bee came with me. She wasn’t very helpful. She kept pretending she didn’t know what I was doing, and she didn’t want to look me in the eye.

She had worn the calf weaner for 12 days, which was obviously not long enough.

Finding it in the leaf-strewn woods had a zero to zero probability of success, but I gave it a shot.

And was unsuccessful.

Glory Bee could hardly contain herself.

“Cream is sooooo delicious!”

I ordered another calf weaner. And a spare.

First aside: The other evening, when the vet came out to check BP, I went to the vet’s office and had him follow me to the farm. (I was in town anyway to pick up Morgan from volleyball practice, so it just seemed easier than giving him directions.) In the car on the way, I told Morgan to call home and tell 52 to make sure BP was up. “Up” meaning make sure she was up at the gate, handy to bring out for the vet.

Morgan, on the phone: “Mom wants you to wake up BP.”

Visions of 52 out in the field pushing on BP’s shoulder, “Wake up, BP, wake up!” filled my head. I’m lucky I didn’t wreck the car laughing.

Obviously, Morgan doesn’t spend a lot of quality time with the cows.

Second aside: Thanks to reader Jersey Lady, who tapped into her own “cow people” network, I have discovered a Jersey dairy in Roane County! (Real professional dairy people–they sell to Broughton.) I got in touch with them and they are going to AI my cows!


  1. BuckeyeGirl says:

    Wooooooo Hooooooo!!!! That’s such good news! Bad news that Glory Bee managed to shake the weaner though. Silly girl!

  2. twiggityNDgoats says:

    That is just great news. Who knew we had a real dairy here. Too bad Glory Bee lost her calf weaner though.

  3. SarahGrace says:

    Yay! Farmer Wayne over this way told me to tell you what you’ve done on the advice of JerseyLady. Did you follow that? hehehe I’m so glad you found someone to come AI! Good luck on the AI and new calf weaner.

  4. CATRAY44 says:

    You are looking in the wrong place… Look up… it’s in a tall, tall tree! hahahaha. Love that G.B.!

  5. bayvistafarm says:

    I think the mom may be having troubles getting pregnant.. because shes been feeding the bad baby for so long. Good luck getting her weaned for good, lol.

  6. Julia says:

    Do you know anyone with a metal detector you can borrow? Might be one way to find it…

  7. Window On The Prairie says:

    Have you tried putting them in separate pastures? When we wean our calves, we keep them in separate pastures. They can see each other, but no unauthorized nursing allowed. Most of the calves are sold off, but the ones we keep as replacement heifers are still kept from the cows until they have a calf of their own, which is about a year and a half later. :moo:

  8. Window On The Prairie says:

    Whoops – forgot to add: Since this will be GB’s first calf, you’ll want her bred to a low birthweight bull so she’ll have a smaller calf for her first time, and a lower chance having calving problems.

  9. farmerswife says:

    Hey Suzanne, in case she’s figured it out for good, I know there’s another weaner that you can put on BP’s teat it has little plastic spikes that would deter GB from sucking. (don’t think it’d be difficult to remove for milking either) Maybe you already knew that. Anywho…carry on 🙂

  10. Cheryl LeMay says:

    Never a dull moment around there is there? A metal detector is a good idea if you really want to find it now that you’ve ordered others. Although GB probably stomped it into the mud where you’ll never find it.Good news about the AI.I can’t wait to see GB being milked! You think she’s a handful now just wait.

  11. Miss Judy says:

    I just knew there had to be a dairy around there somewhere…and aren’t you lucky for CitR friends who are in the know! 🙂

  12. tea4too0 says:

    I love this place.Thank you so much for sharing all this with us. T

  13. Leah's Mom says:

    I’m curious how much they will charge you for AI.

  14. holstein woman says:

    Suzanne, do you think this time you could chain the weaner to her halter so if she takes it off she won’t lose it and maybe it will chime like a bell so you will know she is on the milk again? The thing has holes in it, so maybe it will work??????????
    I’m so glad you found someone to go “flower power” for you.

  15. Leah's Mom says:

    Hmmm like pinning a binky on he baby’s shirt!

  16. nursemary says:

    After the real cow people AI those two trouble makers I see it this way. BP standing there with her calf and GB nursing from her while GB’s calf is nursing from GB. :moo: Now that’s a picture I am looking forward to! How ;long do I have to wait? I am not up on heifer gestation times. :no:

  17. steakandeggs says:

    First of all I cracked up laughing over Morgan’s interperation of getting a cow up.

    My husband said his father had a weaning halter. It was a halter with spikes over the nose. Maybe like holstein woman said. You could chain it on the halter. If the weaner does not have holes maybe you or 52 can drill some.

    It could take 4 or 5 months to wean GB. Sometimes we wean calves and it takes about 4 or 5 months. Some take longer than others. If they get to nurse the cow in that period then you have to start over. I thought you had it worked out when you got the weaner. Looks like she has won the first few bouts, but the fight is not over. Better luck with Al.

  18. holstein woman says:

    Nursemom, 9 1/2 months.

  19. NancyL says:

    OMG, Nursemary – I read through all the comments, all excited because I thought I had something new to add, then spotted your comment! That was very close to what I was going to type!!! Suzanne, I think you should have your wonderful artists back to do a fantasy wall, which would include that convoluted mix of giant and little calves nursing from Mom and Grandmom!!!

  20. patbecky89 says:

    O.k. Dont want to sound stupid here. But what does AL a cow mean?

  21. Jersey Lady says:

    Yay,Suzanne, so glad to hear my contact is able to help you with getting the Girls bred.
    Regarding bull choice-Jersey bulls do not have a calving ease index because all of them throw small calves. It is just the nature of the breed.
    Also, your Vet can give two shots in sequence that will bring the Gals into heat at the same time so you can plan your breeding time. It is called synchronizing. Just tell him you want to synch your cows.He probably can just give you the shots made up so you can take them home and do it yourself.Easy, just put into hip muscle. Or talk to the dairy guy about it.
    Good Luck! Give a holler if we can be of any more help.

  22. JerseyMom says:

    Well….if Jersey Lady doesn’t have the answer (as I’m sure she does or I wouldn’t do this….) I’ll volunteer to bring GB to South Jersey after the retreat next fall….I can bring my horse trailer and fill it on one side with prizes from the retreat and on the other side with a cow….. Then I’ll have an excuse to drive back down to bring GB home! really. I’d do that…in exchange for raw milk because I SO want to make cheese and can’t seem to do it~~ Ahhh…..okay so I’ll just do my best to make the retreat….

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