Photo courtesy Destiny Groves Farm Goat Resort.
Dear Cookie Person or whatever,
I hope you are well. I apologize for not writing sooner. Between my daily pedicures and dining on molasses petit fours, I have been quite busy. They are very good to me here and I have not yet decided upon a date for my return. In fact, I am not sure I shall return, and such event is dependent on your agreement to the new terms to which I have become accustomed.
1. I will need satellite TV and internet installed in my goat chalet. I have grown addicted to As the World Turns and American Idol, and I also like to check in on my favorite daily blogs. (Sorry, not yours.)
2. I would like Paula Deen as my new personal chef. I hear she makes great cookies.
3. Please hire designer Stephen Saint-Onge from Better Homes and Gardens to redecorate the goat chalet as is befitting my station.
4. I will require Friday night dates with Cowboy as I am deeply in love. A chauffeured limousine will be sufficient for my needs, though I will require it to be a stretch limousine. I like white ones, by the way. And be sure it has a cookie bar.
5. Any further appearances by me on your so-called website must be prefaced by the services of a personal stylist. Please, no more plastic tiaras. That is quite beneath me.
My dear Cookie Person, I am sure you understand my needs and will be happy to fulfill them. If you want me back.
Because I don’t miss you.
Not at all.
P.S. Have you made any of those gingerbread cookies with the icing and raisins lately? AND IF SO, DID YOU LET NUTMEG AND HONEY EAT THEM ALL?!