Bad Barbie


I discovered last week that a trade-sized anthology such as, oh, a Brava anthology is just the right size to mimic one of those paperback-sized Bibles. So now I’m taking a Brava anthology to church with me every Sunday, looking very studious when I open it on my lap during the sermon. Is there a special level of hell for people who read sexy books during church?

Okay, I promised I’d talk about Barbies and I will! Yesterday, my daughter implored me to come upstairs and play Barbies with her in her room. She has no “girl” friends in the neighborhood since she had that big fight with Savannah and told her she was NOT GOING TO BE HER FRIEND ANYMORE. So I go up to her room. She has all the Barbies set up and she’s telling me their names. They are all named after characters in The Nanny because that is her show du jour. Then she says–play! I say, but I don’t know how to play. I’m not 9, you know! She says, but you had Barbies when you were little. I say, but that was a long time ago, babe, plus MY PARENTS WERE MEAN AND I ONLY HAD ONE BARBIE, NOT FIFTY LIKE YOU. (And she only has two Kens. Man, those are some dang lucky Kens, living in the Dreamhouse with fifty Barbies…..) But she insisted, so I played. First, I sent the mom and dad Barbie off on a date, leaving the other Barbies home with the babysitter. Then babysitter Barbie called her boyfriend. Next thing you know things were were turning way too Brava in the Dreamhouse. This is what happens when a romance writer tries to play Barbie. I said I had better go and she was crying, BUT I LOVE HOW YOU PLAY, MOMMY.

I told her okay, tomorrow, but next time Barbie is going to church. Without a Brava anthology! I hope she doesn’t flash the preacher or put bourbon in the communion cups or something.


  1. Cheryl S. says:

    See, you have a good imagination. My kids always tell me what to say and do when they force . . . I mean, ask . . . me to play Barbies with them. :hissyfit:

  2. Carol says:

    I never had a Barbie and my daughter only had one. I guess I was a “Mean” mom but she turned out just fine! 🙂 However, my granddaughters have at least fifty Barbies too!!! 😆

  3. Suzanne says:

    Carol, I think they all have fifty Barbies now! Or at least it seems my daughter’s friends do, just like her. Sometimes I think she’d appreciate her Barbies more if she didn’t have so many, so that’s probably a better idea!

    Cheryl, she wouldn’t tell me what to say even though I begged, LOL. So left to my own devices…. Not good!:wall:

  4. Margery Scott says:

    I never had a Barbie. But I never wanted one – or any kind of doll for that matter – so it wasn’t a problem.

  5. kacey says:

    LOL! Barbies. I had a handful of them. A couple different Barbies and a Ken. What was her friend’s name? Midge? Madge? And Skipper, her little sister. And Ricky the boy doll that was Skipper size. And WHERE are these names coming from? Haven’t thought of them in years.

    I made up elaborate stories with them each playing out their role. Yes, some of my first “books”. :mrgreen:

  6. gena showalter says:

    Oh, this is too, too funny re: Barbie. I love it! And now I want to play Barbie too.

    (I’ve read in church too, so maybe we’ll burn together LOL)
    gena showalter

  7. Melissa says:

    This post made me really laugh aloud Suz. Funny and yet inspirational (no pun intended). 😆 When I was young, I had Barbie everything and my babes and Kens and whatever other action figures I owned were always doin’ the nasty. God doesn’t care what you read in church. She’s cool and probably readin’ Brava’s too. That oughta get some hackles up. :talktothehand:

  8. Laurie says:

    This brought back some great memories…my daughter is the oldest and has 3 bros(who were more interested in torturing her Barbies. The boys loved “Ghostbuster”stuff.)
    Take a “Brava to church…maybe you’ll start a new trend?

  9. BJ Deese says:


    Love the daily photo. 🙂

  10. Jill says:

    Whew. My youngest isn’t alone with her fifty naked Barbies and only two Ken dolls. I’m always asking her “where are all the clothes?? Put on the clothes!!” And she always shrugs and says “nah, it’s too much trouble”.

    I think I’m the one in trouble.

  11. Tori says:

    This makes me want to dig out my Barbies and play. 😆 I had several of them, plus Ken & Skipper. Then there was those teeny tiny Dawn dolls, and Jane West. Did anyone have Jane? She was fully articulated, but at some point itme one of her forearms broke off. 😮

    Plus I had the horses, the Jeep, and all kinds of other stuff, but mine never had a Dream House. The poor deprived things.

  12. Tori says:

    Forgot to comment on your reading Bravas at church! You are SO evil! :rotfl:

  13. Nicole says:

    Oh, I had SO many Barbies when I was a kid. Every single holiday or birthday I’d get at least one from my grandmother, aunt, and parents. Not to mention other times. That all adds up!!!!! I loved Barbie. Hmm…though I do remember playing Barbies with a friend who knew a bit more about what went on behind closed doors between the sexes that was quite interesting to my young mind. hehehe Partial sex education, brought to you by Barbie and her special friend Ken.

  14. Mary says:

    First I will answer your question: Yes you will be going to hell–and it will be populated with many agents and editors, too. Next, Barbie is the reason why my favorite “wannabe” outfit is white short-shorts, a tight blue and white striped navy top and high heels–that is what my Barbie came dressed in a long time ago.

  15. Rene says:

    Oh, that is funny about church. I wish I’d thought of that.

    My daughter has so many barbies. She’s into the Fairytopia barbies. She really liked Kelly’s for awhile. I had a lot of barbies when I was a kid. I only had a couple of kens so I had love triangles all the time.

  16. Beth C says:

    I had a whole collection of Barbie’s when I was a kid. LOVED them. Loved dressing them, playing hairstylist, and making up stories. I also collected Hot Wheels and Tonka Trucks. Anyone remember Spirograph? 😛

  17. Kelly says:

    Oh that’s a good one! A Brava in church! :rotfl:

  18. Biddy says:

    I had the British equivalent – The Cindy doll. My Cindy had her haircut and used to make it with Action Man (articulated male doll which one of the boys down the road had).
    When we lived in Denver a friend of mine collected those model horses (can’t think who made them)… now they lived a soap opera life! I do remember that my model horse had a torrid affair with one of hers and I got a foal for my birthday 😈
    And yay to Brava reading in church!:lol:

  19. Crystal* says:

    I played with Barbies a LOT growing up. My middle daughter, the foof, loves Bratz dolls. They are um…trashy barbies. You know…Barbies Gone Bad or something. But they’re so damn cute. Nice glitter lipstick. But they have no feet. They have snap-on shoes.
    She will talk everyone into playing them in her room. And they have Bratz dudes, too. They’re pretty evenly matched. I love to stop and eavesdrop on their conversations. You can learn a lot about what goes on in your child’s mind when they are using Bratz or Barbies to speak for them.
    Hell…I think I went philosophical. :guitar:

  20. Màili says:

    My aunt once told me that I was doomed to burn in Hell because she caught me torturing my two Sindy dolls [Sindy is the ‘British’ version] by having them ‘fighting’ against each other [‘bitch-slapping’ would be apt here]. I also had them playing the ‘doctor and nurse’ game with that Lee Majors doll [Six Billion Dollar Man, with that rubber thingy in the arm and the magnifier eye]. I think I also gave one of them a haircut to make it look like Johnny Rotten from The Sex Pistols. Actually I think I have a photograph. I’ll try to find it and upload to my blog. Heheheh!

  21. Màili says:

    “You can learn a lot about what goes on in your child’s mind when they are using Bratz or Barbies to speak for them.”

    :shocked: Please don’t say that! If that was really the case, then I was a psycho. Or a serial killer in making.

  22. Mary says:

    Melissa, Nicole and Maili, my mom took my Barbies away when she saw them naked, Ken on top. I used to dress them really sexy, too. Had lots of clothes. Yep, sex ed, for sure!

  23. Robyn says:

    No Barbies in my time(a long time ago)
    boo hoo; but my niece has them.

  24. Suzanne says:

    Now I know what I was missing only have one Barbie and one Ken! I needed more for the whole effect! I did have a Dawn and Gary, anyone remember them? They were smaller sized than Barbies. I loved the Kiddles, too. Tiny little dolls, perfect size to be the children. I’ve seen those Bratz dolls. They are weird-looking! Luckily my daughter doesn’t want those. She’s stuck on Barbie. Of course, I bought her a Barbie for her first Christmas and I used to stick it in her crib, so that’s all my fault!

  25. Sonja (from HCRW) says:

    Man, Barbies were my first practice at story-telling! Me and my sister and two brothers (yes, even the boys) had about a zillion Barbies between the four of us and they all had these way weird family relationships (step-kids, half-sisters, cousins-in-law) and LOTS of drama (break-ups, near divorces, comas, death-defying rescue attempts). But they always had a happy ending. 🙂 (That is, if we had time to GET to the happy ending before the dinner bell rang.)

  26. Melissa Marsh says:

    I had just one Barbie and my mom also gave me hers to play with – which was probably an antique at the time. One Ken doll. And I made my Barbie doll house out of boxes, made all the furniture using pudding boxes and matchboxes, wallpapered the walls, put carpet in the living room…yeah, it was totally cool. :guitar:

  27. Jordan says:

    Oh how I’d love a picture of you doing that. LOL!:shocked:

  28. Gina says:

    That is so great. R-rated barbies!

  29. Michelle says:

    I had X-rated Barbies, too. Yowza. Gee, what I get to look forward to!! :hyper:

  30. ruby55 says:

    I really had to :lol:. Your entry was so cute. But to take a Brava anthology to church?!? What depths you have fallen to!!!:evil::grin:

    We never had any barbies in our family and that has continued into my siblings’ families. We were brought up very virtuously: “That’s not what real people look like!” The only time I ever saw barbies was when I started babysitting other than cousins and siblings.

    Can’t say that I really missed them–at that time. Now I’m finding out what they are all about.:shock::wink:

  31. Mary Stella says:

    I had one Barbie — by choice. I was a tomboy and also crazy about horses. So, instead, I had the entire Johnny and Jane West cowboy/western set. The ‘dolls’ all have moveable joints, including the horses, and enough Western, ranch, cowboy and tribe gear to make Cowgirl Barbie jealous. We used to torture the Barbie by having her kidnapped so that Johnny had to rescue her.

  32. Jaq says:

    How do you come up with this stuff? LMAO!! :rotfl:

  33. Danica says:

    I loved Midge! Bay is into Barbies too. I got her the pregnant Barbie for Christmas, and she likes to enact childbirth scenes while Barbie is riding a horse. OUCH!

  34. Teresa H says:

    I used to have so much fun playing Barbie when I was a kid, I only had one too. But I do remember the Dawn dolls Suzanne! I had them too. I didn’t get to play Barbie after growing up since I had a son. I have a granddaughter now, I can hardly wait! lol
    As for reading books in church….well, I guess there will be a line of us in trouble for that! 😳