My Three Slaves


Yesterday, in an extraordinary fit of domesticity (well, not including ME–I play a SUPERVISORY ROLE), I determined that the house should be cleaned up. Since I figured I did my part when I gave birth, I sought out the CHILDREN who owed me for the great pain and agony involved in giving birth, not to mention the serious lack of Hustler body I’ve had ever since.

I just meant for them to clean upstairs. I found the two oldest, my boys, and set them to work. This incurred much shock and dismay. What, I want them to CLEAN?

They have been vampires, lounging about in their noon to three AM world, since school let out. I expected them to do WORK now??

(Drawing credit: ExplodingDog)

The 12-year-old moved about in stoic resignation like a robot. The 14-year-old promptly began stomping and mouthing off–how dare I interrupt his lovely summer of watching TV and playing computer games??? MEAN MOMMY. Was I having a temper tantrum, he posed? And why, he pondered, did I care if the UPSTAIRS was cleaned up when the DOWNSTAIRS was so dirty??


Yes, the little darling got to clean DOWNSTAIRS, too. After all, he was correct. If I cared about the upstairs being cleaned, then the downstairs should be cleaned, too. By him.

Meanwhile, the stoic 12-year-old lost his cool when I found him UNloading a dishwasher of dirty dishes. Um, sorry, dear, but those are DIRTY, so they must be put BACK and washed. The bowels of hell heard his dismay. He was promptly assigned more chores–vacuum the living room! (Twice!) Sweep the front hall! (Twice!)

When all their chores were completed, and I had finally managed to (for the umpteenth time) rouse the vampire 9-year-old daughter out of bed, I sent the boys on their merry way. I informed the daughter of her list of chores that had been saved just for her.

Instant objections ensued.

I said to my 12-year-old son, just making his way up the stairs to his freedom, “Perhaps you want to tell your little sister what will happen if she complains?”

He smiled at his sister. “You’ll get candy!!”

Don’t forget the fifth installment of my free eHarlequin online PAX read — Hot Target! Click on the green “read” button at the bottom and scroll down to Hot Target. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!


  1. Mary says:

    I can’t believe you have teens. I can remember when Morgan was a baby and you brought her to NTRWA. I thought she was the cutest baby. When I had kids at home it was just easier for me to clean than to fight. Good luck. :hissyfit:

  2. Maureen says:

    I periodically made my children clean the house this summer. My teenaged daughter says, “I can’t clean now, I have WORKED all day!” Well, welcome to the club

  3. Michelle says:

    I love it!! I want some slaves. Send them to my house!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Cheryl S. says:

    Ummm . . . you might by MEAN MOMMY but I hold the coveted title of MEANEST MOMMY IN THE WORLD. Whenever I hear that phrase I know I’m doing my job in raising them right. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. Eve says:

    Mother had four slaves and three of us have hated housework ever since. Actually, it was us girls who had to clean the house, boys did yard work, took out trash, etc. You know, boys work vs. girls work. Funny, one of the boys is the only good housekeeper among us(he also speaks French and cooks).

  6. Katie says:

    Gotta love a big brother!! Too funny!

  7. Eve says:

    To be continued next week – MEAN AUTHOR! I’m loving this story Suzanne, I’m hating the waiting. That high pitched noise you are hearing is me whining when I got to the end of chapter 5.:wall:

  8. Eve says:

    Oh, I also have a big brother like that – not the French speaking one.:no:

  9. Eve says:

    Awwww Buttercup likes to push over piles of books and lay on them too. I have one of those:mrgreen:

  10. Sonja (from HCRW) says:

    “You’ll get candy.” Ha! That’s GREAT!

  11. Estella Kissell says:

    Sounds like my house when my kids were still at home.Especially big brother—he was four years older than the next one.:cool:

  12. Jill says:

    lol, loved this. My own vampire teenager slaved outside in the yard all day.

  13. Amy K. says:

    Oh, sounds like a harmonious day at the McMinn residence! We had cleaning day here too, but the 3yo and 5yo weren’t quite so much help. (Although they didn’t mouth off or complain TOO much.)

    Why can’t someone invent a house that cleans itself???

  14. MartyK says:

    My mom used to “If you don’t clean it I’ll do it for you.” So I let her. And she threw everything away. Everything. I blame her for my compulsive neatness.:loser:

  15. Tori says:

    LOL! Love the 12yo’s response about complaining.

  16. Rene says:

    I can’t wait to do this to my kids. They SO deserve it. Good for you. Mean Mommies of the World, unite!:thumbsup:

  17. Robyn says:

    That is so typical. Why is it that ‘under 6 yr. olds’ always want to help and when they become teenagers LOOK OUT-you have to
    threaten to get them to do anything.:yes:

  18. Kelly says:

    Go, Suzanne! It’s such a relief when you don’t have to clean the entire house alone. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  19. Tori says:

    Btw, Hot Target is a totally faboo story!!!

  20. Melissa says:

    Love the drawing!

  21. Melissa Marsh says:

    My stepson comes back today – thus begins the nagging. :whip: I have a suspicion that his mom didn’t make him do any chores while he was there – and that’s going to very hard to break him of.

  22. Mik says:

    HA! This is why we have children, isn’t it?? I can’t wait for mine to get old enough to do yard work. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

  23. kacey says:

    LOL!! I’m sorry, but the “You’ll get candy” remark is priceless!! :rotfl:

  24. Lynn Daniels says:

    You go, Suzanne! Crack that whip! :whip: Wanna come and work on my kids, next?

    (LOVED the “You’ll get candy!” comment! What a stinker!:rotfl:)

  25. Leslie says:

    *snicker* Candy. Gotta love it! :thumbsup:

  26. Joely says:

    MEAN AUTHOR is right!! Ending with “Run!” for a whole week is just mean and cruel! (Loving the story!)

  27. Danica says:

    ROFL!!! I love the way you think! And your poor daughter to have been so tricked by her brother… HAHAHAHA!

    You know, I tried that a few times on the stepkids. Their mom ended up calling me to complain about how cruel I was because she did all the cleaning for them and that they were children, not servants. :wall: I’m so glad to know that other normal parents do make their children accomplish housework. And even more glad that I gave birth to my own so that I have complete control over forcing them into hard labor. Now for them to get old enough to understand that the toilet brush is for scrubbing, not swising toilet water all over the bathroom as pretend rain on the animals.

  28. Eve says:

    Danica – :rotfl: – pretend rain on the animals!

  29. Carol Burnside says:

    Well, after all, MEAN MOMMY, it’s not like the little angels dirtied anything, did they now? Hmmm? :rotfl:

    You go, girl! :thumbsup:

  30. April says:

    too funny. You’ll get candy?? Isn’t that just like an older brother!!!!

    Oh the joys of slaves, i mean children hehe

    I have a 7 yr old who has to do EVERYTHING 3 times. He just doens’t do it right the first two times. I finallyhad to start threatening,..if you tell me it’s done and I check it, and it’s not,..there WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!!

  31. Sandy Jones says:

    That is so funny!! My oldest son went into navy basic training and called to tell me how neat he kept everything in his bunk area. Clothes folded just so. Bed made up perfectly. I asked him why he didn’t do that at home and he said it was because I hadn’t threaten him with thousands of pushups!

  32. ruby55 says:

    Was Son No. 2 the same who couldn’t take the wait in the doctor’s waiting room? He certainly has something between his ears.

    I wonder what my sister-in-law threatened my brother with to make him domesticated. He never did anything at home. Now he’s cooking, doing laundry, vacuuming, changed diapers. You name it, he’s been doing it.

  33. Suzanne says:

    Yes! That was him. He was the one who walked out on the eye doctor, LOL!

  34. Caro says:

    My mom’s motto was, “Never underestimate the value of child labor.” It wasn’t chores she had for us, oh no — aside from the usual “clean your room” stuff. No, since she made costumes for the local theater group and sold little felt craft items through the mail, she drafted us to help. I remember coming home from school and having to put on this “fun fur” coat, then standing there while she glued feathers on it for a production of “Promises, Promises”.

    My brother claimed he had nightmares about cutting out yellow felt for “Cheepy Chickie” egg cozies for years. ๐Ÿ˜†

    The good thing about this is that all three of us learned the sewing basics, including my brother, who managed to impress many a girlfriend with the fact he could sew on a button by himself.

  35. Peggie says:

    That’s freakn hilarious! I’m so glad that others live in my world!:rotfl:

  36. Ashley says:

    LOL. My kids start to clean and then start to play, so they don’t get very far with anything.