Raining Cats and Dogs


Okay, it does look like it might rain today, but that’s just an excuse for passing this on:


8:00 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am – Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm – Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm – Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm – Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm – Oh Boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite!


Day 283 Of My Captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of allergies. Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.


  1. Eve says:

    Loved this!:rotfl:

  2. Margery Scott says:

    ROFL. Where do you come up with this stuff?

  3. Leanna says:

    so true, so true. :yes: Good thing my cat is declawed or she’d have cut my jugular by now.

  4. kacey says:

    hm…maybe my cat thinks she’s a dog…

  5. Cherlyn says:

    okay, this is funny. this made my day! :rotfl:

  6. Katie says:

    Love that pretty puppy!!!!

  7. Toni Anderson says:

    I think that is why I love dogs–my favorite!!!:lol:

  8. Carol says:

    I love this but I still love my kitty! :yes:

  9. Toni Lea Andrews says:

    My cats do not think of me as their captor. They think of me as STAFF. The only reason they tolerate me is the long list of job qualifications required for my replacement: Masseusse, chef, chauffeur, counselor, toilet cleaner, pillow, interpretor….

    Keeping me in line is a full time job. No wonder they’re always EXHAUSTED.:whip:

  10. Peggie says:

    That is hilarious!
    Being the housemate of both a cat and a dog I know this to be true….:wigglebrow:

  11. Robyn says:

    So true for the puppy dialogue; we have one of those(hehehe) and his schedule is somewhat the same. 😆 But we love him as I know you love your animals.

  12. Michelle says:

    🙂 Hmm…makes me wonder what the fish in our aquarium are saying??

  13. Joely says:

    He is obviously a half-wit. I love that!!!

  14. Mary says:

    My cat thinks the exact same thing.

  15. Eve says:

    Oh Toni – that is so true – I’m the cat servant too.

  16. Tori says:

    Too funny! :rotfl:

  17. Danni says:

    I adore this diary! :bananadance: My dogs were so thrilled to see us after our trip they jumped circles around us for ages. Of course now they’re back to being lazy buggers.

  18. Sasha says:

    Awesom stuff Suzanne!!

    Thanks for the insight!

  19. Lindsay says:

    Love the animal notes! (Our “adopted” cat looks a lot like yours – and yep, he wraps around my feet!)

    Got the autograped book tote for the PAX League, and have noted it at Revision 14 for the upcoming BUNDLE O’ BOOKS Giveaway happening this August. THANKS VERY MUCH FOR DONATING THIS! And thanks, too, for the cool magnets and the signed copy of THE BEAST WITHIN – all of which will be up for grabs during the Giveaway!

  20. Ashley says:

    My cats think they’re dogs and are entitled to all dog priviledges. I’m convinced one has no brain either.

  21. Mik says:

    This ALWAYS makes me laugh. No matter how many times I’ve read it. :rotfl:

  22. Gina says:

    😆 How great!

  23. Jill says:

    LOL, loved this.

  24. Melissa says:

    The look on that cat’s face is priceless!
    It looks like it said those very words.

  25. Melissa Marsh says:

    That was SO HILARIOUS, Suzanne! And so darn accurate!!!