riding in car lines with boys


Men do not understand school car lines.

As you slowly, painfully inch forward, no matter what, you can not go around anyone else. Even if they are staring off into outer space as you watch the car line ahead of them vanish into the distance.

My husband had yesterday off work, so we went out for a lovely brainstorming lunch to discuss the merman. Then we picked up our daughter from school. The lady in the white LeBaron ahead of us kept falling into a coma. When this happens, I say Very Bad Things inside my head and wait. I know school car lines. When this happens to a man, he says Very Bad Things out loud and the fifth time she forgets to move forward in the car line, he whips out and goes around her. Trust me, white LeBaron lady woke up angry. She whipped up beside our car and said Very Bad Things through the window. My husband completely ignored her and she finally dropped back behind us in the car line.

But I know these things. This isn’t over.

On Monday, when I go to pick up my daughter, there will be consequences. White LeBaron lady is going to find me. And when she does, she’s going to shoot me.

Or make me marry my cousin.

This IS North Carolina.

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