Sometimes I Really Miss Texas


We still get the newspaper from our old hometown in Texas. It’s dangerous out there in the Wild, Wild West. From the police log:

Sticks and Stones…what was that again?
Deputies were called to a North Fork Road house Saturday morning after a woman called dispatch seeking to file charges against the person spreading rumors about her. The woman told the deputy she knows the person that is smearing her name.

You Painted My Dog?
Deputies were called to Sandy Beach Sunday afternoon when a woman reported that a man assaulted her and painted her dog. The woman fled to a neighbor’s house and called police. The woman called dispatch back a few minutes later asking deputies to disregard the call.

My Cat? Maybe……
An animal control officer was called to Glen Rose Medical Center Friday night after a cat bit a Hood County man. The man told the officer the cat was kind of his, but not his.

Pick Up After Yourself
A man called dispatch Saturday morning after he found a syringe cap lying in his Rolling Hills Shores backyard next to his daughter’s trampoline. The man further said his neighbors always leave dirty syringes lying around everywhere.

Pawn Receipt for ID
A store clerk called 911 Friday evening when a man became disorderly in the store after the clerk refused to sell him alcohol. The clerk said she refused because when she asked the man for identification, he showed her a paper pawn receipt with a date of birth on it.


I wonder if I can use that Vietnam Veterans donation receipt I got yesterday for ID instead of my drivers license? (Doesn’t that count as government-issued?) I really don’t like my drivers license picture, you know…… And I KNOW THE NEIGHBORS ARE TALKING ABOUT ME. I am so calling the cops.


  1. Michelle says:

    Oh, these are hilarious!! Love it. Thanks for the laugh. :bananadance:

  2. Eve says:

    Texas misses you too Suzanne. Glen Rose huh? Maybe this all occurred because they were too close to the nuclear plant? Where the heck were you? Here, I’ll make you feel better – I’ll talk Texan to you. “That was about as funny as a three-legged mule.”:mrgreen:

  3. Suzanne says:

    Eve, we lived in Granbury for 13 years. My husband worked at the Comanche Peak nuclear power plant in Glen Rose. We still get The Hood County News, the Granbury paper, and that’s where the police log clips are from. Are you in Texas?

  4. Mary says:

    Aw, I miss Texas! There was never a dull moment. BTW, I love your new cover! It’s very intriguing.

  5. MartyK says:

    I keep hearing that Texas is ‘different’…:shocked:

  6. Trace says:

    I wanna go to Texas! I wanna see the cowboys ๐Ÿ˜€

  7. Cherlyn says:

    These were funny! Thanks for jumpstarting my morning. :thumbsup:

  8. Katie says:

    Oh, Cowboys! Okay, I could so deal with that!
    Too funny, Suzanne!!

  9. Eve says:

    Big D little a double L a s:guitar: And I’ve been to the fossil place down there, but haven’t been in quite a while. I lived in Itly (Italy to you non-Texans)a small town south of Wackihackie (Waxahachie) for about a year. Hence my love of small town newspapers. Yes, Texas is different – and we’re the biggest state in the union (what Alaska – wait until the snow melts). And yes, there’s nothing like a guy in tight jeans and a stetson. I need to send you an invite to my blog too. It’s really a pain in the you-know-what that I have to actually invite people by email before they can comment on the blog – but it’s within my price range – free.

  10. kacey says:

    LOL…well, my neighbors probably talk about me too. But I don’t care! :loser:

  11. Mik says:

    I’m in N. Richland Hills! Grew up in Mesquite, moved to NRH when I got married. I work in downtown Fort Worth and I love it here. I try to avoid crossing the Tarrant County line. :rotfl:

  12. Eve says:

    Mik I’m over near your old territory. Because of mother’s Alzheimer’s it was best to keep her in her own home, so I’m in the house I grew up in – in Pleasant Grove (yeah, Grove Rat). It’s not so bad in the area where we are at – actually low crime. (can you believe it) and I work by the old downtown Mesquite square. I’ve only been to Fort Worth twice – beautiful botanical gardens! What else is there? :rotfl: Anyway, on a good windy day I can sometimes smell the Mesquite Rodeo.

  13. Cheyenne McCray says:

    Too funny. I used to live in a rural area, and that’s about how our newspaper police reports went, too. ๐Ÿ˜€

  14. Caro says:

    LOL! I’m a Texas girl myself (born and bred in Houston, now transplanted to the wilds of L.A.) and I remember seeing stories like that when I was growing up. It’s like the one about the student at A&M who had his apartment broken into. While the police report is being filed, the Aggie is asked what’s missing. His response? “My marijuana plant.”


    I swear, if I had not actually seen the report on the news myself, I would have sworn it was an urban legend.

  15. Melissa says:

    :rotfl: at the police log

    I miss Texas too. I grew up in Lubbock and I’m supposed to attend my 25th high school reunion next year but I’m not sure I want to. I really just want to remember my friends the way they were then.

  16. Eve says:

    So many Texans here. I guess we do seem to think a lot a like – must be the water.

  17. Court says:

    WOW, now all the others I would have called the police on except for the syringe thing. I would have picked the syringe up and used it. You darn right I will call the police if they are spreading rumors about me. They need to be locked up. The audacity!!:fryingpan:

  18. Peggie says:

    My neighbours are sooooo talking about me!:blahblah:

  19. Peggie says:

    oops must spell check prior to posting

  20. Tori says:

    I miss Texas, too! And :rotfl: over the police log! Ours usually isn’t that funny. But I’ve gotta remember to read the local paper every week for those fun nuggets.

  21. Kelly says:

    Good ol’ town news! ๐Ÿ˜†

  22. Joely says:

    I looked at the title and thought, Wow, Suzanne was Miss Texas!!

    We lived in Texas two years while I worked on my Masters at TAMU. We loved it, but it was HOT. And we had to drive through OK to visit our family….

  23. Melissa Mc says:

    LOL, Suzanne. We just moved and I still get our local community paper mailed to us, and we have a police blotter just like that. Of course it’s Oregon, not Texas but very similar!

  24. Eve says:

    Joely – Oh no, you had to drive through OK. That’s almost as bad as Fort Worth LOL. It’s the heat that will eventually drive me out of here – asthma can’t handle it anymore.

  25. Melissa Marsh says:

    Oh wow! I loved reading these! My hometown newspaper has a lot of this kind of stuff, to. Maybe I should renew my subscription…:rotfl:

  26. Toni Anderson says:

    Love local paper news ๐Ÿ˜†

  27. Alyssa says:

    These are very funny. Thanks for sharing them!

  28. Jordan says:

    You better add that alarm system to the house. You’re living around a rowdy bunch.:rotfl:

  29. Trish says:

    I worked at a weekly paper in Kentucky right after college, and going to the Sheriff’s Department and the Police Department once a week to pick up the reports was part of my job. Not only were the reports often weird, but I kept thinking, “Oh my, these are the guys who are supposed to be protecting the community?” :rolleyes:

  30. Robyn says:

    Thanks for the humor for today, Suzanne.

  31. Danica says:

    I love small town papers! They always have the best stuff in the police log.

  32. ruby55 says:

    While I was reading them, I though you’d made them up, Suzanne. But I believe you that they’re real. I guess I wonder what goes over the police radio here. London is usually pretty calm but about a week ago we had our 11th murder of the year. So of course, now there are calls for more police.

    Peggie, “neighbours” is a correct form, just not for most of the U.S. My spelling checker balks at “neighbor”.

    I’ve never been to Texas or a lot of southern states. Anybody want to invite me?:lol:

    But my province beats you all hollow in size. I live in London, Ontario halfway between Detroit and Toronto. We live in south”western” Ontario. The westernmost part of the province is only about 22 hours drive from here. It would be somewhat shorter if they had bridges or ferries or something across the Great Lakes.:wink:

  33. Silma says:

    Ohmigosh! These are so funny! HAHAHA!!! Jay Leno would have a field day with them! :bananadance:

  34. Toni Lea Andrews says:

    Suzanne, I would only worry if you discover your neighbors have STOPPED talking about you.



  35. Desperate Writer says:

    Ha! I live in Texas! Welcome to my world. Actually, I have always lived here, and WILL always live here. I love my home.

    Anyway, my great uncle, a preacher, just passed away and he was laid to rest in Granbury, where his son lives. He was and his son is, an author too.

  36. Amy K. says:

    ROFL…journalism at its best! And even more, intelligence. :hyper: