Talking to the Walls


Dear Kitchen Wallpaper,

I still love you. I know it’s been six months since we last touched or talked. I know this is no way to have a relationship. I’m not cheating on you. I promise there is no other wallpaper in my life. Please forgive my neglect and know that you are pasted in my heart if not my hands. The book is nearly done. Hang in there.

Love, Your Homeowner


  1. Michelle says:

    Suzanne, you really need to get out. Go to Chili’s, babe!! πŸ˜†

  2. kacey says:

    hm, I’m thinking a Fruity F*cker lunch might be in order. She’s losing it… :mrgreen:

  3. Jill says:

    My hallway had run away with yours. They’re not coming back because they say that when we’re done with this current deadline, we’ll just go write another book.

  4. mary beth says:

    {{{Suzanne’s wallpaper}}}

  5. Mary says:

    You need some fresh air. Screw the wallpaper, go drink.

  6. Katie says:

    Suzanne,I love your friends and their brillant ideas!

  7. Crystal* says:

    I’m somehow reminded of that commercial where the dying shrub is “talking” to the woman.
    “I’m going to beat this Mary. Don’t give up.”
    Then she goes to some home improvement place and buys shrub meds.
    Then the other neglected stuff in her house starts talking to her.
    The moral of the story is: If the wallpaper is talking…the other stuff will be next. πŸ˜•
    I agree with the other people here. Some type of liquor should be involved.
    Drink until the wallpaper guilt goes away. Oxygen would also be good. πŸ˜†

  8. Danica says:

    I love your kitchen wallpaper. It’s exactly what I’d imagined mine would look like, only in green, and well, as much as I imagine a pretty kitchen, I’m still at the boring white stage after five years. So if your wallpaper gets bored living in your house, it can come live at mine. I promise it’ll get lots of attention. There’s a four year old who likes to tape her latest masterpiece to the wall, and a one year old who’s discovered crayons. Any day now, she’ll figure out how pretty crayons look on walls, and that coloring on the walls is much more satisfying than eating crayons.

  9. Jordan says:

    Priorities! It simply must understand.:wink:

  10. Cynthia says:

    Your poor wallpaper! How can you mistreat it so? πŸ˜†

  11. Suzanne says:

    I love my wallpaper. Sigh. Pretty teacups…. Sigh.

  12. Olga says:

    I love your wallpaper, too! Here, I confessed. But how can I not? It’s beautiful!

  13. Sylvia Day says:

    Fruity fuckers. Yum. πŸ˜› Of course I haven’t ever had one, but you sure do make them sound yummy.

    Love the wallpaper too. πŸ˜€