Funky Question of the Day


Poky, checking out Chloe.

So when the donkey hoof trimmer was here on Friday, I said, as I always say when he comes to visit, “Why hasn’t Poky had a baby yet?” It’s as if I think because he trims donkey hooves, he has some magical inner knowledge. I always mention how long Jack and Poky have been together, and he usually says something soothing like, she’s probably gonna have a baby any time now! But this time he said something different.

And I’m not sure you’re old enough to hear it.

If you’re under 18, go away.

I’m not sure what age is appropriate for this question.

I’m not sure I’m old enough for this question.

Just remember that when you have a farm, you get involved with a lot of animal pieces and parts, okay?

The donkey hoof trimmer said, “She’s not gonna get pregnant unless you get another male. Jack’s weener is crooked.”

I said, “WHAT?!”

He said, “His weener’s crooked. He can’t get in there right. If you want him to get in there right, you’re gonna have to help him.”

I said, “I’M NOT HELPING HIM.” And, “Why didn’t you ever mention this before?”

He said his cousin the pig man mentioned it to him the last time he was out here and his cousin came with him.

Is this true? Am I going to be donkey-babyless forever because Jack’s weener is crooked and I’m unwilling to stand by and help with the act? Jack tries so hard. I tried to talk Morgan into it! Asked her if she wanted to help Jack. She said no!

Okay, who wants to come help Jack get ‘er done?

Perhaps this could be one of those “farmhand activities” when visitors come…. No? Probably not a good idea for kids’ camps either, huh?


  1. bonita says:

    Priceless, just pricelessβ€”
    Just imagine the conversation between the pig man and the hoof trimmer on the way home last time!

  2. Brenda Radabaugh says:

    Suzanne, I’ve been a farmer all my life, and I have a farm in Preston County near Big Bear Lake called “Haunted Acres”. I don’t post here often, but I just wanted to tell you, when the time comes to get cows, you might not want to get black angus. Many people have them however, they tend to be on the mean side and would be almost impossible for you to handle by yourself. I have had lots of cows and herfords are great cows for beef and very easy to handle and tame down. Just sayin’…

    When you get the chickens in a house of their own you will get your eggs back. They have to be inside in the winter and should have a chicken house to lay in the summer also. I realize you haven’t got that far yet. I wondered why you couldn’t use one stall in the barn for them. Once you train them to be inside a ‘closed in place’ you will never have problems getting all the eggs you want, and you won’t have to go ‘look’ for the eggs. They are easy to train. If you let them lay outside it will also cause you to have more preditors on your farm. Once the foxes, racoons, and cyotes get them eggs, you better keep a shot gun handy or they will kill all your chickens and won’t stop till their all dead.

    By the way….I’m so sorry to hear about Jack’s weener…poor Jack, sounds like my ex husband… πŸ™‚

    Take care,
    Brenda Radabaugh

  3. Canner Joann says:

    Well, there’s your problem! Maybe you could hire someone to help Jack out!

  4. twiggityNDgoats says:

    Sean and Sean to the rescue! It never ceases to amaze me what breadth of knowledge one develops when living the country life.

  5. brookdale says:

    Sorry, I just can’t imagine Jack letting anyone “help” him with his intimate moments!
    Do they have AI for donkeys? πŸ˜•
    This made me chuckle in the early morning…thanks!

  6. mamawolf says:

    This is just what I needed at 5 a.m.! That picture of s “helping” Jack git’er done will be in my mind all day! Poor Jack. He tries so hard. :snoopy:

  7. Rah says:

    It’s not too often that I laugh out loud at 6:00 a.m., but this post did it. Just the visual image of you helping poor Jack. And poor Pokey–there are some ways a gal just can’t bend!

    The photo w/ Chloe? Oh, the cute.

  8. wildcat says:

    Turkey baster? Poor Jack! LOL

  9. Rah says:

    Sorry, Poky, for misspelling your name. As if you didn’t have enough frustration to deal with.

  10. KellyWalkerStudios says:

    I am cracking up! That is so funny. Poor Jack and Poky. They must be so confused about what is happening.
    ANd that photo of Chloe is adorable. I am thinking that I might have to do a painting demo while at the retreat of that sweet pup. She is just too cute!!!

  11. Leaves of the fall says:

    Not a good post to read with a sleeping grandchild next to me…. lots of LOL!!!!! So, I want to know what the pig man was doing looking at the – eh-hm – donkey parts? lol Ok…. so yes, Jack must be frustrated, embarrassed, among many other emotional issues…. but we also need to think about Poky here… she’s so sweet, standing by her man, through the hard times…. I’m sure she’s quite frustrated with this whole situation… I mean, how many years has it been? Whew. So let’s not think about this as helping Jack… no, let’s help a fellow sister-female in need…. much need. If I lived a bit closer, I’d help you out however, I’ll have to settle for photos (of which I’m sure you’ll take!) haha.

  12. SarahGrace says:

    Duct Tape.

  13. wvhomecanner says:

    ROFLMBO! Priceless! Poor Poky. Or poor Jack? No easy answer here. Time for a rendezvous off-farm for Poky?

  14. MissPat says:

    I’m trying to imagine how the “help wanted” ad would be phrased !!
    And now the pig man can add “Jackass husbandry expert” to his other credentials ! just sayin :sun:

  15. lalahartma says:

    Sorry, I missed the first part, but why do you want to breed your donkeys?

  16. Karen Patrick says:

    Oh, poor Jack!!. I’m sure he would welcome some help from some kind, compassionate human. What exactly would one have to do to “help?”

  17. judydee says:

    Oh my goodness!!! I immediately started imagining a homemade do-it-yourself AI set-up, but the more I thought about it, the more it resembled some sort of steampunk apparatus. Just too scary for words. Perhaps the pig man could help?

  18. Diane says:

    oh my a crocked cock never did anyone any good I guess. Who would of thunk it. lol. Poor Jack and he kept it quiet all this time. Too bad there is no little devise out there that will give him a little help in that department. lol.

  19. SanAntonioSue says:

    Oh My!! Poor Jack! No wonder he pines for Poky when she’s away from him!! He’s “skeered” she’s gonna find another boyfriend due to his “anatomical issues” πŸ˜‰ And I agree with Brenda about Black Angus. They have a tendency to be cranky and untrustworthy so never turn your back on one, especially a mama with a young calf or a bull. Herfords would be a good alternative, especially if you will be having the public/guests interact with the cattle. They are some good eatin’ and are a popular choice with the Ag/4H programs here in Texas. Awww, Little Chloe is beautiful and I’m sure Coco will grow to love his Baby Sister :hug:

  20. willsahna says:

    This kind of stuff doesn’t bother me, so I’d help if I lived closer. Well, I say that but I’d have to know how to help first! I’m thinking it might involve gloves. Lots of high school jokes come to mind here, but I’ll not turn your blog into that! I’m thinking the easiest way might be to buy donkey sperm and have the vet artificially inseminate Poky. Is there a market for baby donkeys in your area? Baby donkeys are soooo cute, however not vey useful for many people. Do you keep them with the sheep for protection? People in my area of Texas do that. I’ve heard the donkeys will protect the sheep from coyotes.

  21. yvonnem says:

    OMG! Thats’ too funny….or not!? πŸ˜‰

  22. Joell says:

    :woof: OMG
    Ask around to see if there is a crooked-weener-helper person in your area!!
    If so– and and such a person shows up—take pictures.
    I am trying to ask this in a serious, but can the vet help you out, like maybe some gadget to make it straight? I can believe I am asking this–probably the could medication I am taking! :bugeyed:

  23. CATRAY44 says:

    Thanks for my morning laugh!!! Loved SarahGrace’s idea!

  24. Sheila Z says:

    This sounds like a birth control that the Congressmen should approve. Might leave them frustrated, but doesn’t cost the insurance companies any money.

  25. Old Geezer says:

    I am no farmer nor will ever I claim to be, but I recall many years ago reading about the process involved in breeding race horses, and yes, since that kind of breeding is such a “better not fail” expensive exercise then there are stable hands (so to speak) stationed on either side of the stud to make sure that nothing goes awry (so to speak) and to lend a hand (so to speak) if they do or might.

    So, if there are any horse stud farms near by then that would be a good place to start either learning or finding expert help. They would also know about capturing the semen if need be for AI because that stuff is more valuable than gold from the right stud.

    And I will not mention that I was immediately reminded of a joke we boys traded eons ago in junior high about Uncle Jack. No, I won’t mention it. :no:

  26. cj says:

    Brenda Radabaugh you had me ROFL with that comment about your ex. I haven’t laughed that hard in who knows when! This was a great way to start a day! Thanks

  27. Hlhohnholz says:

    If it can wait until Retreat time, I’ll help. It’s no worse (and frankly, probably quite a lot better) than sheath cleaning. πŸ™‚

    I wonder if donkeys have sex therapists…?

  28. Anita says:

    Hmmm. Crooked little hen. Crooked little weenie. Maybe it was just a Stringtown thing? Or maybe Sean and Sean COULD come by and stand attendant on either side.

    I think you should give serious consideration to Brenda’s advice. Herefords are good eating.

  29. VikingMiss says:

    I am laughing hard this morning! Thanks for that πŸ™‚ I am a suburbanite, so I have no experience or knowledge in that department. Just don’t tell Jack, he may get a complex! LOL!

  30. Nana Ellen says:

    hummm :no: May be a hoot if you’re not Jack :no:
    I’m fortunate enough to have a facebook friend who is an expert on the subject. She runs a stallion operation in Northern Cali – 200 or so stud collections a season PLUS a Zebra Stud! Her name is Shayla and she’s a sweetheart. I know she can tell you ALL about getting a baby donkey. :hug:

  31. CarrieJ says:

    HAHHAHAHAHA!!! I asked my husband if he would help when we come out to stay for a visit in your new studio and he said “hell no”! At least they get the fun of trying but you don’t have to worry about any difficulties with babies. I have promised everyone that if they donate to your project, he WILL wear an apron during all activities and I will post pictures of him doing this all over Facebook.

  32. dmcfarland says:

    All laughing aside I would ask the large animal vet about any associated health problems for Jack. Don’t want to injure him or miss any signs of a problem that might become life threatening.

  33. mamajhk says:

    The only comment I have is “Never a dull moment down on the farm, is there?”

  34. kpbarnett says:

    Some day I’ll learn not to read CITR with a coffee cup in my hand. I think my keyboard is about dry now……….. :dancingmonster:

  35. NancyL says:

    Oh, dear Lord! I have been laughing through the post and the comments! This one is priceless! Poor Jack and Poky. This makes me think back to my early 20s when my hubs (at the time) and I wanted to breed our gorgeous German Shepherd and keep 1 of the pups. We invited the female to our huge, empty garage, but things just weren’t going well – Fritz tried the wrong end. Then my H went to work and left me with the dogs; neighbor Ed came over and started explaining to me how I’d probably have to help Fritz since it was his first time. He also tried to explain about the dogs being “tied together”, etc. I was appalled. I KNEW street dogs knew what to do! Still laughing….

  36. lizzie says:

    Just got back from church and read this! LAUGHING SO HARD! πŸ˜† as Bonita said, just think of the conversation the pig man had with the hoof trimmer! Please don’t talk about Jack’s crooked weenie around him, he might get a complex! and when you find a helper this may hinder the situation. I am only familiar with dogs, and around here its kind of the joke that Peanut the minnie doxie is very endowed and our big dog are not. I am sure there must be a way to fix the situation.

  37. PolloLocoHomestead says:

    Thank you so much for the laughter this morning! My husband and I both laughed so hard….and we would totally ask our teenagers to volunteer as well!

  38. bbkrehmeyer says:

    We had a very large Dobie we wanted to breed to a smaller Dobie. apparently he had the same problem as poor Jack. DH had to get a box, and put the girl on the box, then with gloves on (I hope) helped Brutus do his thing. He would not let me watch. I think he and Brutus were both embarrassed at the whole situation. Results were good. She had 6 adorable puppies about 64 days later!!!! maybe Pokey just needs a box in order to get poked…. πŸ˜‰

  39. Glenda says:

    I would be getting a new donkey….get Poky a new mate and keep Jack around for predator control.

    This could be a blessing in disguise. Do you actually want to have a new baby donkey every year? Think about it. Is there a market locally for them. It could just increase your feed bill.

  40. Karen H says:

    LOL Of all the comments and subjects I have seen on here this one is the funniest. Suzanne, you have a great sense of humor and handle touchy subjects very well. I love this site.

  41. Michelle B says:

    LOL…I have tears I’m laughing so hard. I remember the time we had to help our friends dig a ditch for their mare to stand in so their young stud could “reach” and what an earfull we all got from his mother that we had dug it close enough to the road so the neighbors could see! Some funny stuff happens when you live on a farm. You might want to consider a fertility test for Jack (not that he needs extra humiliation about now) but he might have reproductive issues in general that no amount of “help” would help. The vet just tested our bull and it’s not terribly expensive. :moo:

  42. cinderbama says:

    I can’t help but wonder how many folks have gone back through the photo archives looking for a close-up of poor Jack! Too funny. Breeders help their animals all the time. It’s pretty standard if you want to get it done, and done correctly. As one post stated about race horses, they “do it” regularly. And I know my dad used to joke about one time getting “shot” in the face as a kid when he and his brothers were “assisting” a bull on their farm. He was holding the cow’s bridle.Grandpa was really upset because it meant they had to wait and try again later.
    Personally I’d rather help Jack with his little problem than slaughter all those chickens! Nasty business, that. LOL

  43. Goodnewsfarm says:

    Just a note on getting more than one Jack…you can’t have 2 jacks and one jenny in the same place. The jacks would kill each other when she came in heat! Just like any other animal, 2 boys is too many around 1 girl.

  44. yvonnem says:

    I read this post this morning and it cracked me up. I’ve been watching the comments throughout the day, and I keep wondering in the back of my little mind…did the donkey hoof trimmer just make it up and pretend that he thought Jack’s weeney is crooked? Did you check yourself to make sure?…..LOL! (Curiosity would have gotten to me, and I would have checked it out, and if it was a joke, I would’ve been busted for sure!)

  45. enjay says:

    Poor Jack. πŸ™ It’s not actually that big of a deal, I collected bulls a few times when I was in college. He should be used to having his penis handled from the regular cleaning that male equines need (google sheath care if you haven’t been doing it) and all you really need to do is have someone holding the lead rope while the second person gently guides him where he needs to go. Once he’s properly positioned let go and he’ll finish the deed. He may even figure out how to do the deed on his own after he’s been shown how a few times.

    I realize it may feel a bit weird to watch animals do their thing, but it’s something most farmers pay attention to. They need to know if the boys are up to the job and looking away doesn’t really give you the pertinent info. It’s not like the animals give a rip, they’ll perform in the field alongside the road in front of a school bus full of nuns if given the opportunity LOL

  46. KarenAnne says:

    I think I’d ask the vet before I gave up hope.

    Man, am I glad I had stuff going on and lapsed a week or two behind, so I read the Coco found a minute after the Coco lost. Wish she were home. How many more days?

  47. mamajoseph says:

    thanks for the laugh. still smiling.

  48. Linda Goble says:

    Oh my goodness. I am so tired from a very long day and kinda grumpy till you just made me really laugh. That just cracks me up. Poor Jack he can’t get it done. Maybe artificial insemination. Wow just too funny. Thanks for the great laugh. πŸ˜†

  49. Linda Goble says:

    Also, How in the heck do they know it is crooked. Did they really examine it? Just to funny I am still laughing

  50. Remudamom says:

    Sorry, but lmao. Ask your vet about AI.

    snicker snicker.

  51. Brenda Radabaugh says:

    OMG…I started with great advice about the angus cows and how mean they are and now this?

    I have to tell you all something. 23 Days ago my husand died. We had been together 12 years and he was the most perfect husband, and he too read this blog because we bought a farm a year and a half ago to retire on. I wanted him to see what troubles Suzanne went through and learn from her and Me how to work this little farm we have. I have been a farmer most of my life and grew up on a big farm. I am now a 54 year old widow and shocked about my situation. Anway…

    Losing my husband has been the most devestating thing that ever happened to me. I lost all my income when he died. I am disabled and just filed for disability. Thank god everything I own is paid for or things could be so much worse. This is the first time in my life that I have had to depend on God to help me. I have always been so independent. WE had tried for months to find life insurance for my husband, but he was 62 years old and we just couldn’t find any we could afford. So here I am, 23 days a widow, and I have to think of crooked weenies? I got to tell you, this has put a smile on my face today that I didn’t think I would ever have again. SO, I just have one more thing to say….If Jack starts taking viagra and he has an erection that last over 4 hours, for heaven’s sake call me, becuase I have never saw one of those in my life πŸ™‚

    Please, all of you, please pray for me that God will give me a reason to live, because all my reasons and dreams just died with my husband. I sit here on this beautiful farm with the veiw of 3 states in the mountains and know how blessed I am, but now I can’t run this little place by myself. But thank you God that it’s paid for. Keep me, Suzanne, and coco in your prayers. We all need you. God bless you all.

  52. BuckeyeGirl says:

    @ Brenda Radabaugh :snuggle: You are already counting your blessings, that’s a very good start.

  53. bonita says:

    Brenda, You’ll likely have some very down days now and then, but things will get better as time goes on. You’ll remember the good and how blessed you were to have a loving companion for those years. And that while your finances may look bleak, you seem to have little debt. You are, I think, the third new widow since last summer. Please know that all your chicken friends will keep you in their prayers.

  54. wildcat says:

    Brenda, so sorry to hear of your loss. :hug:

    One of the blessings in my own life is this blog! Whenever I’m having a grumpy morning, and I read something here that cracks me up, it can really make my day.

    Poor Jack, I am still laughing. LOL

  55. Miss Judy says:

    I always say ” You never know how the things you say or what you do may help someone”. Just look at how many smiles and downright belly laughs came from this post.Once again “Thanks Suzanne.” This site helps me see my dreams insted of nightmares!

    Hang in there Brenda…

  56. Chic says:

    LOL I can just picture a bunch of women running around your pasture trying to get hold of the two donkey’s to get things ‘lined up’!!! Oh gosh…what a visual! :bugeyed: πŸ˜‰

  57. mammaleigh says:

    I can understand where you are coming from!
    We bought an English Bulldog to hopefully breed and as our baby…that was until we found out HOW an EBD actually breeds, it is all AI. He is a good boy but I am not “helping” with anything down there other than to make sure its clean!!
    I am thinking this is a job for a hired hand that is experianced…it brings a whole new light to a donkey show….sorry I have been thinking that ever since I read the post!

  58. lalahartma says:

    Yeah, chances are there’s not much a market for donkeys! Better not to breed when there are so many unwanted equines making the journey south. :/

  59. whaledancer says:

    I think the donkey hoof trimmer guy drew the short straw. I can just imagine them:
    “Why are you telling me? You should tell her.”
    “I’m not telling her. You tell her.”
    “Well, somebody’s gotta tell her. She keeps asking when her donkey’s gonna get pregnant.”
    “Fine, she’s asking you, you tell her…”

  60. lavenderblue says:

    How did I miss this post the first time around? Suzanne, are you sure Jack and Poky want children? You know how these modern couples are. πŸ˜† (I was looking for a smiley that meant “snide remark” but don’t really see one) They are really into each other, you know. Maybe she just accepts him for who he is.

    C’mon, you write romance novels (or wrote them in another life). You know the heroine never ends up with the stud. πŸ˜‰

    Brenda Radabaugh, our hearts ache for you. Do come to this site often for encouragement. We will all keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

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