Looking Back and Forward


Along with so many comments, I’ve received many emails from women who have been in my shoes. Anyone who has been there understands the shame you feel about something that isn’t your fault. It was very difficult for me to break past that and write about it, and I appreciate all of your comments and emails. The past two years, in particular, had been increasingly difficult at Stringtown Rising, on a couple of different levels. If you look back at the Landing on My Feet post and read the part about how this farm, Sassafras Farm (such a beautiful farm!), had been on the market for two years without a buyer, you can understand more fully how I felt as if this farm had waited for me with a purpose. I never could have imagined it, but it was here all along.

I looked back at this post recently–Moving Day. It was one of the most stressful days of my life and you can see in the video in that post how I just barely escaped Stringtown Rising before a flood. At the time, it was just an exhausting, stressful day–but when I look back at that post now, it makes me cry with happiness that I am here.

Those are both posts from the past where I left out parts of the story to protect other people, protect myself, hide the truth, keep up appearances, etc. In the present, sometimes I find myself wishing I could more honestly express why I’M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

It’s very freeing to feel as if I can now, and that makes me even happier. I feel at peace where I am, despite the various plumbing and other troubles–and there will always be troubles of some kind as that is part of life. It’s almost spring, and I’m so excited. Construction starts in the studio next week and I’ll be able to start contacting the studio project backers to get your info for the rewards. Expect to hear from me soon on that.

It’s a relief to be able to be honest about some of the emotions behind my happiness at this farm, but at the same time, I promise to not constantly dwell on the past. After all, today is the most important day–every day. And there’s so much fun stuff coming up! I cannot WAIT to get into the studio with Dave and Matt and do some demolition!!!!!

And then there’s this guy:

Crossing fingers he comes to live with us soon!


  1. Cbfisher says:

    There is so much to say about such situations, and so sadly, so many to say it … I haven’t commented. But I will just take a quick moment to say, very happy for you, happy you feel the joy of life again!

  2. Blessings says:

    Suzanne..& blog friends..watch this video and you will nod and chuckle and heal and move on to the life your meant to live..
    This Is NOT Spam..it’s a You tube Video

  3. tmavraides says:

    I thought of your post yesterday for a long while, I commented on that one already. Then I read this one and It occurs to me that I failed to mention the obvious….you have moved on to a farm that is yours and your alone. You have goals and a family and a home your adore. What does 52 have? He has the memory of a woman he mistreated. He has his nasty disposition and a stolen stove.

    In the short time since you have freed yourself look what you have built while he sits reading a blog he did not respect eating mac and cheese cooked on a stolen stove. 52, you should seek help before you try and start a relationship with anyone else. You are not fit for companionship until you do. You should also give back what you have stolen as your horribleness will stare you in the face each time you enter your kitchen.

    Healing takes time, you are off to a terrific start Suzanne!

  4. rurification says:

    Sending hugs and grins! I’m so glad I can spend time with you every day.

  5. mommaof3 says:

    Healing takes times and leaveing takes time. It took my mom 25 yrs before she had her ah ha moment. Then a nasty divorce and lots of missing items. 7 yrs later and her mental wounds are still healing but she has found love again and I am happy for her. Myself I am just now starting to heal and starting to trust that my hubby is not the same as my father. Verbal/mental abuse is just as bad as physical and often mental/verbal hides or preludes the physical. Allow yourself heal allow yourself to vent and also allow yourself to fly

  6. Luann says:

    Try to focus on the joy, happiness and fun your life will bring you. Even through your difficult times you have lifted me through your blog alot. I APPRECIATE YOU AND CARE ABOUT YOUR WELLBEING. You are loved by many, feel the joy all you can.

  7. CaliMom says:

    When you shared your story, I kept thinking of the previous owner’s sister who finally said after 2 years that you were “the one”. You are where you are meant to be. Sassafras Farm has been waiting for you.

  8. mammaleigh says:

    Oh dear, you know that the cool thing about your blog being YOURS? YOU can say what ever you want. I know that things were hard, and are going to be hard, but YOU can do it. If I may quote my 3 year old dd, never give up!!

  9. amateisgal says:

    You continue to be an inspiration for so many, Suzanne, and that is incredible in itself. You are YOU, and so very real, and that is why we all love you so much. You keep doing what you’re doing! We are behind you all the way!

  10. DebbieInMemphis says:

    I’m so happy for you that it makes me cry. You don’t just bring joy into our lives – you are JOY! That anyone would try to take that away from you is a shame. Thank you every day for sharing!!

  11. Joell says:

    Our Dear Suzanne–thank you! You have opened yourself up to us in a way that we really know you now, even those of us that have followed you since the begining, but just recently began to post. You are more real to us now than ever, you have shown us that we all have issues of one sort or another, but you also have shown so many of us just how strong one can be but that you reach a point where you can no longer go it alone. This is real life. We all feel thankful that you chose to share with us.
    Everything that can be said has been said, Spring is here and time to start anew.
    Thank you. :hug:

  12. Joell says:

    PS–when Matt and Dave start the demo, they should give you a big hammer and stand back! Nothing releives stress like a good demo!!

  13. Diane says:

    Awww love the photo of the horse. Its fitting you are getting him from a rescue in a lot of ways. I hope you get him and that you get tons of enjoyment from him. And I cant wait to hear all the stories about him!

  14. beforethedawn says:

    Thank for being honest and coming out with the why. I think getting it out helps you heal. It’s obvious you are not alone and neither are all the other women going through it or that have gone through it. I am grateful to not have gone through this, but I have my own life “survivor” stories, they are just different.

    Demo is always fun! And therapeutic! 😀 I of course cannot wait to hear about a horse for Morgan! :hug:

  15. shirley T says:

    DITTO to Luann’s post. HUGGS!!!!

  16. holstein woman says:

    Well, you don’t need to heasr anything else from me, I just don’t want you to get into another mess with anyone like this one. It makes one callous. I have helped people and been walked all over by them, robbed and left to get up and try again by myself and I don’t want that for you.
    I am REALLY looking forward to the horse. I know he and the donkeys will have fun together. He is quite adorable.

  17. Izzy says:

    Ditto tmavraides post. You are not alone Suzanne, we are here for you even if it is only virtually.

  18. doubletroublegen says:

    Loved the video posted by Blessings! :heart:

  19. bonita says:

    Best of all, your time is now your own. Going forward, you can stop and smell the roses (or the horse hockey!) whichever you please. You will not need to worry that that stopping to breathe or to indulge yourself is worthless or without value because someone judges you as worthless. You can keep as busy as you want, but that’s the point, as busy as YOU want. Thank you for sharing your personal struggle and triumph!

  20. brendaE says:

    Keep smilin’, keep shinin’
    Knowin’ you can always count on me (us), for sure
    That’s what friends are for
    For good times and bad times
    I’ll (we’ll) be on your side forever more
    That’s what friends are for.

  21. SundaysChild says:

    Blessings – I just LOVE the video you posted, thank you so much.

    Suzanne, I am REALLY glad that things worked out and the stove is back where it belongs. I enjoy reading about your life and seeing pictures of the animals and countryside, oh .. and recipes too! Looking forward to more stories about the big giant puppy and the new horse! hahaha .. you KNOW you WANT one!

    Keep smilin’ Sunshine Suzanne, hugs .. if you want one,
    Julie Andrea

  22. liz2 says:

    I’m so glad that you’re happy. You deserve it! I read your blog every day & enjoy it so much–the good, the sad, the funny, the useful information, everything you post. I admire your writing skills. You give me a lot to think about. You’ve been in my thoughts many times during the past few days–always hoping the best for you.

  23. TwistedStitcher says:

    That video was awesome! Thank you Blessings. I hope you watched it, Suzanne. It was point on. I’m just so glad you are out of that situation. I thought you were amazing before, while you were goingthrough all that. I can’t imagine how far you’ll go now without someone trying to beat you down at every opportunity. I can’t wait to see it. Much love and many blessings for you and your family.

  24. Darlene in North GA says:

    Thank you, Blessings, for sharing that video!

  25. woolylamb says:

    Honesty is a freeing thing, in so many ways. You are a forward looking person, Suzanne, I don’t think you will obsess on the past, and speaking of it may well help countless other women, as well as you. You go girl! Life awaits, every day!

  26. JerseyMom says:

    Like everyone else, I’m glad you are out of Stingtown and into Sassafras. It wouldn’t do to keep it waiting any longer!

    I’m so excited about the possibility of Patriot joining the gang. Even if he doesn’t work out to be the world’s greatest riding horse, your bringing him home will leave room for the rescue to save another horse. In adopting a rescue you are really saving 2!! And speaking of two….horses are like potato chips…it can’t be just one 😉

  27. Louise says:

    Suzanne, You are an inspiration to me on a daily basis. I am constantly amazed at the things you accomplish. I love your new farm and your wonderful animals. Hang in there and know that we are all behind you. Feel free to vent any time you need to. :hug:

  28. CarrieJ says:

    You told your story with grace.

    And I love Patriot’s beard.

  29. Eva says:

    Blessings, great video!

Add Your Thoughts