The new fix-it guy showed up today and he was just the right size to fit in the tiny crawl space opening. I said, “This looks promising! You’ll FIT!”
He got in under there. The dogs helped. Then he came back out and said, “It’s not going to be too bad.” And I said, “THAT’S THE BEST SENTENCE I’VE HEARD IN THREE DAYS!”
He’s going to bypass the plumbing in the wall and replumb the kitchen properly with new (and insulated) pipes that will expand rather than burst even if they do freeze–solving the problem FOREVER. He will be back in the morning to do the job.
To those of you who donated after the discussion in the comments here, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I did not have the money to fix this problem. This kitchen plumbing would have haunted me every winter for the rest of my life. For me and Morgan and my thirsty animals, you have given us peace of mind and proper plumbing and reliable winter WATER.