To celebrate the release of my book, I’m running some “Memory Lane” posts from my years at Stringtown Rising Farm. I’m choosing some of my personal favorite funny animal stories–if you’ve been around a while, you may remember them, and if you’re new, you may have missed them. This story is from one very snowy winter on the farm. The animals in the goat yard made a path from the goat house to the bird feeder, for obvious reasons, but of course I had to come up with some alternative theories….
I descended from my porch perch atop the goat yard yesterday to seek the sacred path of my enigmatical creatures, to explore, to go where no man has gone before, to unearth secrets that might–or might not–shed light on the mysteries of animal behavior, solve world hunger, and/or end all war.
What would it take, besides a mascara emergency, to lead these hoofed beings off the path? What might I learn from them in this quest? I had no idea how long my intrepid mission might take to complete. Putting emergency supplies in my pocket, I set off, inspired by the courage of Ferdinand Magellan, Marco Polo, Christopher Columbus! I am Lewis with no Clark!
Here before you lies the sacred path via aerial satellite imagery from the porch.
I arrive at the location to find the creatures eager to greet me, but not so eager as to leave the path. I wade through the snow until I reach the furthest point of the path, where the creatures replenish themselves with hay. I follow the path from there to find the creatures’ leader.
She is eager to show me the path! So far, so good!
We walk the path to the sacred tree. Birds share their delicious manna from the feeders above. This is the most holy of holies along the path.
Everyone follows.
There is a slight holdup when one of the creatures stops, grooming herself before entering the holy place.
You can see the awe on the creatures’ faces.
Mr. Pibb: “May the Path be with you.”
The path takes a circle around the tree.
A few of the creatures have not yet arrived, but impatience bursts inside me.
There is more for me to see. “Turn!” I implore them. “We must go on!”
The others follow from behind, eager to stay with us.
Another of the creatures takes the lead now.
We are drawn as one along the path.
We reach the creatures’ shelter and they ask, “Why are we here?”
I KNOW. These creatures are so profound. Why are we here? The greatest question in life. I forge onward and outward, determined to finally find answers–to everything!
The answers that are….. Out there! Somewhere!
I STEP OFF THE PATH.
I look back. There is great hesitation. The path, it is very strong. Perhaps it runs along the Earth’s magnetic lines? Could that be the secret pulling these creatures unwaveringly along its trail? Are we all, simply, inexorably, held by inexplicable powers beyond our control?
Or is there something far more powerful, something that could allow us to forge our own destinies? Something like….
A COOKIE. I reach for my emergency supplies.
The creatures have left the path! The creatures have left the path!
I have found the answer to all of mankind’s questions!
The creatures surround me, recognizing me as their new leader.
I’m Ferdinand Magellan!
Marco Polo!
Christopher Columbus!
Lewis with no–
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can order Chickens in the Road: An Adventure in Ordinary Splendor now!
Dumbcatluvr says:
😆 This is every bit as funny now as when I first read it.
On October 10, 2013 at 10:06 am
emmachisett says:
Great read. I missed it the first time around but very much enjoyed the exploration of THE PATH. It really does seem that each creature has his/her own personality…Mr. Pibb DOES have that Yoda look about him and I DO see the awe in the eyes of the others. Is it really only a cookie that can lead us “off the path” (for good or…)?
On October 10, 2013 at 11:25 am
Journey11 says:
I got so caught up in the story that I forgot about the title. Hilarious! Do you have dates for when these were originally posted?
On October 10, 2013 at 12:23 pm
InHiminTX says:
This is my all-time favorite post of yours! I remember being so amused by it, hooting and hollering over it, the first time I read it. I have looked it up a few times since. It is hard to locate because of the title. Maybe you could give it a subtitle, ‘The Path’ since the attack is implied, but the rest of the story is about The Path. I love the photos and because of this actual post I started doing blogging speaking for animals! My miniature mule has his own facebook page, Remy the Mini Hinny. You inspired it!
On October 10, 2013 at 1:22 pm