Spruce Knob in the Monongahela National Forest, West Virginia’s highest peak at 4,863 feet.
I’m running for Master of the Universe. I’m promising the complete eradication of the Asian lady beetle infestation of the East Coast, two Saturdays in every week, snow on Christmas Eve (no matter where you live), and a chicken in every pot.
You won’t find me on your ballot today. If I had announced my radical candidacy earlier, the Anti-Double Saturdays Coalition would have been phoning your homes and running TV ads slandering my motivation for double Saturdays, calling me lazy and good-for-nothing, when all I care about is YOU the voter and YOUR need for double Saturdays. It would have gotten ugly. I didn’t want you to be bothered by that crap. Just write me in today. Oh, and hey, what else do you want? I can do anything! I’m gonna be MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE! Just tell me what you want. I’m here for YOU!
This is Suzanne McMinn and I approve this message.