The Funky Pumpkin Project


Let me re-introduce you to Mr. Funky Pumpkin.

We first met Mr. Funky Pumpkin last fall when he had a brief relationship of unknown dimensions with the ill-fated Mr. Pear in one of my personal favorite posts ever, Pear Pressure.
Back then, Mr. Funky Pumpkin was living large on the porch rail, waiting to be cut into on an exploratory mission to discover what could be inside such a bumpy and bizarre creation. Mr. Funky Pumpkin was a discard from the farmers market, part of our weekly pig feed haul, so we have no idea what the actual produce description would be, but he was too interesting to give to the pigs. I was eager to find out what was inside…..

Oh, yes, I intended to massacre him. And bake him up in a pie!

Only I was so busy with the motherlode of pears I was processing that I never did cut into him. And so Mr. Funky Pumpkin lived on! Or….something. This is how he looked by spring:

I thought I should get rid of him, but– I didn’t. And he sat for AN ENTIRE YEAR on the front porch rail, decaying. By some miracle, all through the winter and the spring and on through the summer and into the fall, through snows and rains and hard winds, not to mention cats, he was never knocked off the porch rail. He sat, stoic…..and slightly creepy.

I don’t know if it was neglect, laziness, or an odd attachment, but after his pie potential passed, I never disposed of him. I just….left him there.

And then before the party, as we were cleaning up the porch, I decided, hey, it’s TIME. Time to LET GO.

And then, oh then! That was when I made THE DISCOVERY.

I have, on several occasions, attempted to dry out gourds and other stuff, with no success. They always end up rotting. Or eaten by chickens. Or dogs. Or knocked down by cats. But as I picked up Mr. Funky Pumpkin to finally dispose of him, I realize he felt incredibly light. I knocked on his exterior shell. The sound was clear and light and hollow. Mr. Funky Pumpkin was completely, fantastically, perfectly DRIED OUT!

And I realized he was a wonderful craft project waiting to happen. Only….what? If you have ideas, I want to hear them!

Because if you leave it to me…..

….well, let’s just say Mr. Funky Pumpkin is getting worried.


  1. lizzie says:

    Mr. Funky Pumpkin looks CREEPY!!!! Very Scary, I love it! :dancingmonster:

  2. Woodwife says:

    Maybe you could make a bird house out of it?

    I bought a lumpy pumpkin last year and when I cut it open it wasn’t like other pumpkins, the flesh was white and smelled like cucumber. I think they’re just decorative.

  3. Susan says:

    :help: Sorta makes me wonder what all you got growing in the back ’40. If you get my drift.

  4. Rose H says:

    That’s some scary pumpkin! :dancingmonster:

  5. Kim says:

    My husband said you should decorate the inside of the trash can with it.

  6. WatkinsGal says:

    Mr. Funky Pumpkin turns scarecrow for the garden! He’s got “scare” potential!

  7. Cheryl LeMay says:

    I like the scarecrow idea.

  8. texwisgirl says:

    Love the ‘inside of a trashcan’ idea!!! LOL! But seriously. I think he’s hung around your place too long to go away now. He’d probably make a good birdhouse if you put a hole into his side. And with all the lumps and bumps, you wouldn’t even need to add a perch…

  9. Shelly says:

    oh yes, scarecrow head. I really don’t see any other potential! :shimmy:

  10. KentuckyFarmGirl says:

    I definitely see scarecrow head!!!

  11. Traci Best says:

    Personally…I like that hat! LOL 😉

  12. claudia w says:

    I saw the scarecrow head too, but then when some commenters mentioned birdhouse…that just sounded like another good idea. Too bad you don’t have two!

  13. Zusiqu says:

    If you ever need a scarecrow, he’d made a good head.

  14. Drucillajoy says:

    sell him on ebay, with some weird story attached to his orgin…ya never know!

  15. carol says:

    :shocked: THAT’S JUST GROSSSSSSSS!!!! :shocked:

  16. Eunice Moore says:

    Run hollow copper tube from the bottom to the top, thread a lamp cord through the tube, add a light bulb thingy on top and make a lamp to sit on the porch. Spooky lamp for halloween.

  17. IowaCowgirl says:

    I think there may be a support group for this type of thing……

  18. joycee says:

    I’ve seen these mutant pumpkins and never considered buying one, now I MUST have one! I want the seeds so I can grow my own weird-o’s! Missed the Pear Post and it’s a good one!

  19. Linda in San Diego says:

    Looks like the head for your formerly headless scarecrow!

  20. maryann says:

    Well since a scarecrow lives out in the field and bird houses should too why not do both? Cut the lid opening so that you can secure it to the post, paint on a face but for the nose or a screaming mouth actually make that part a hole for the bird to get in and out. Use the straw hat with a ribbon attached to tie it to the head. I know scarecrows are suppose to scare the birds away but I have never found that they have worked all that well.

  21. heidiannie says:

    I’d spray paint it silver and attach small ornaments and place it inside a pine wreath. I like a rustic look for Christmas arrangements outside on my porch.

  22. Nancy says:

    Definately a bird feeder…that way he can stay on the porch with a purpose! :chicken:

  23. JoAnn says:

    I don’t have any suggestions on what to do with him but I definitely think you should save all the seeds! Plant some next summer and see what grows. You could have a whole Funky Pumpkin Family!

  24. rileighsmom1234 says:

    I like the birdhouse idea as well. You could also try what one of the above posters said and try to spraypaint it…it would lose some of its scaryness that way and you may be able to use it for Christmas! Good luck…

  25. Cousin Sheryl says:

    Too funny! That’s what you call serendipity!

  26. whaledancer says:

    I have to go along with the scarecrow idea. The first thing I thought when I saw the picture, before I read your post, was that you finally had found Mr Scarecrow’s missing head.

  27. Peaches says:

    I think it would make an awesome birdhouse, especially for those little birds that like to be upside down and sideways and every way except right side up. Those wart things would make great toe holds for birds.

  28. MMT says:

    Should make a great scarecrow head. The birds will think he has Leprosy and shy away.

  29. Sharon Gosney says:

    Paint an eerie face on it, than stuff a pair of jeans and shirt and put the eerie head on top, sit him on a chair some where on the porch…Hallonween decoration. After Halloween changes his hat to the scarecrow.

  30. B. Ruth says:

    It is defintely a “pumkgourd” or a “gourdkin” a new variety!…
    …but I really think someone slipped one of those bumpy gourds in on you….LOL

    I think you should bleach, sand as much as possible and paint
    it…”Orange”… for Oranch you glad you didn’t eat it!….
    Like so many of the others…I too think you should save the seeds and plant along the fence…just to see what emerges next year!

  31. Connie W says:

    I’m hoping to dry out some things myself for a bird house … this would make an EXCELLENT bird house!

  32. Heather says:

    “Oranch you glad you didn’t eat it!” HAHAHAhahahaha I Love it!!!!

    Going to have to say you have a delightfully spooky scarecrow for Halloween that can later be used as a fantastic retreat for vacationing birds.

  33. Jenny35 says:

    I just learned this at the farmer’s market in Charleston last week. Your creepy pumpkin is a cross between a pumpkin and a gourd. They actually sell special seeds now to get them like that. And the word on the street is that they are expensive seeds to buy. The harvested ones that were selling at the Capital Market were higher in price than the regular pumpkins, that’s for sure. Enjoy your hybrid.

  34. northcountrygirl says:

    Definitely “SCARECROW” potential. As soon as I saw him in the hat, I thought that scarecrow finally will have it’s head. Definitely the crowning touch to your headless scarecrow!! You can make “creepy” even Creepier!!!!

  35. jan~n~tn says:

    I like the idea of the scarecrow head, doubling as a bird retreat.
    Great ingenuity!

  36. Runningtrails-Sheryl says:

    I would leave him as-is on the porch rail. He is so funky and fabulous looking all by himself. He doesn’t need dressing up and he looks good on the rail.

  37. Jen Haga says:

    We picked up a lumpy bumpy pumpkin for Halloween carving this year. It took 2 hours and it broke a drill bit. It was the most dense thing I have ever tried to carve. Next year we may pick up another one (and maybe even a blue warty pumpkin too) but we will not try to carve it.

    PS. The inside was no different and the seeds tasted the same after being toasted.

    PSS. I’m a first time visitor and I LOVE this blog.

Add Your Thoughts