Design Flaw


To Whom It May Concern:

Why–and I am asking this question completely seriously–in all the ages in which human beings have milked cows have the cows not been bred for forward teats?

I mean, look at that.

The front two teats are easy to get hold of. The back two? Forget it! It’s like they are sealed up in a lock box! Do you even SEE the back two teats? They’re between her legs. Who put them there, who? What kind of engineering is that? Why has there not been a back teat recall by now to re-engineer this functional flaw so that all four teats are in easy handling reach?!


Submitted humbly,
The Milk Maid at Stringtown Rising Farm


  1. blossom says:

    I blame big business and milking machines!

  2. Tracey In Paradise,Pa. says:

    :yes: tooo cute….

  3. Kelly Walker says:

    Yeah, good luck with that! :moo:

  4. Jill B says:

    We have one cow that has 4 large teats and 1 small teet to the side of one of them.

  5. Mary says:

    Can’t help ya there.

  6. Johanna says:

    Careful there, Suzanne! What does Beulah think of yours??!!

  7. Barbee' says:

    Makes one wonder how she can walk! Maybe she needs a training bra that will move them forward similar to braces for children’s teeth? :moo:

  8. CindyP says:

    ๐Ÿ˜† Beulah Petunia may be thinking that exact same thing! :moo:

  9. Betty says:

    I thought about your new addition to your farm when I heard a report on TV that cows with NAMES give more milk than cows without names. Very interesting. But they didn’t say a thing about cows with TWO names ; 0)

  10. Kim Gibson says:

    You always crack me up! : :sheep:

  11. stefinity says:

    I agree with you! It’s UDDERLY ridiculous!!!!

  12. Wilma Simons says:

    :woof: I love your website. I feel O know you animals. I lve Clover. I don’t have a farm but I would like to have a goat. I have a cat who owns the house and everyone in it. Sge us the Queen

  13. Susan at Charm of the Carolines says:

    And don’t get me started on the lack of symmetry!

  14. Vicky says:

    Hi Suzanne,
    I may have an answer to this backward teet thing. I’ve noticed calves around here nursing from behind the mother while mom grazes, they have their little heads between her back legs. Backward teets would be ideal for them nursing in this position. I don’t think I’ve seen many calves nursing from the side of the mom as you would expect. That would explain the back pointing teets. What do you think?

  15. jan~n~tn says:

    Careful what you ask for….they may remove the two that are easy to reach, and leave the two that are more difficult.
    Have you ever seen an experienced hand milker at work?
    The person (F/M) will actually lean into the cow, as if to be listening to her gut.
    Gma use to say that her arms were to short to ‘milk’. Then explained that she would have to go around to the business end of the cow to do the other two teets. Needless to say, sitting back there put her at danger, in more ways than one!

  16. Shannon says:

    Did you know that elephants have their boobies in between their front legs….like a human! Pectorial mammary glands….or some such thing!

  17. Cheryl says:

    Um, I think that would be God who came up with that design and since I don’t believe He makes any mistakes, I’m sure there is a very good, logical reason for said placement. However, not being anywhere nearly as wise as He is, I don’t know the reason. Maybe it’s so humans don’t take too much milk away from the baby. I see them nursing from behind as was previously mentioned, too. Maybe, (oh, banish the thought) we weren’t even supposed to be partakers of that creamy goodness. Or maybe having to work harder to get it just makes us appreciate it all the more!!

  18. Farm Dreamer says:

    Atleast 2 out of four isn’t too bad!! =)
    Keep up the good work!

    Can I enter for the BBB please! Thanks!

  19. Melinda in Washington State says:

    That’s just the way it is. Need to lean in and stretch your arms. You’ll get the hang of it with practice! Keep up the good work.

  20. Jo says:

    RECALL!!! lol :moo:

    Guess what I got yesterday, Suzanne? My very first baby chicks! :heart: :snoopy:

  21. whaledancer says:

    All right, don’t laugh at this city gal’s question, please. When the calves are nursing from behind, do the cows poop on them? ‘Cause I was thinking that if they refrain from pooping when the calves are nursing, maybe they would automatically refrain when they’re being milked from behind, too? But I’m not volunteering to test the theory. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  22. lavenderblue says:

    Teats behind the legs on cows and a drippy nose hung upside down over your mouth ๐Ÿ˜• Gotta be some reason.

  23. kerri says:

    I asked Hubby for a suggestion and here’s what he said: You can train a cow to stand with one leg back. Lean into the cow so that her weight is off that leg a little, and put your foot against her foot. She’ll move it back. You may have to do it 100 times but eventually she’ll get into the habit (hopefully). I’ll be interested to see how that works for you ๐Ÿ™‚
    I hope you’ve got a good sturdy back and knees, Suzanne. Milking a cow every day is not the easiest of tasks on the body.

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