The Cell Signal is Strongest by the Girls’ Outhouse


So the gutter guy calls. He’s coming to look at the house before he does the gutters. There are rare spots of cell signal in the country. You can find them if you are desperate, or if you are a teenager. (16 knows ALL the cell signal spots.)

Gutter Guy: “I can’t find your house. I’ve been driving around in circles and I’m lost.”

Me: “Where are you?”

Gutter Guy: “I went out Vineyard Ridge, passed the low water bridge, and turned right on Johnson Creek.”

Me: “You were supposed to go left after the low water bridge. Where are you?”

Gutter Guy: “I’m wherever I am if I went right after the low water bridge!”

Me: “Okay, are you even sure you are on Johnson Creek? Did you take a big hairpin turn before the low water bridge?”

Gutter Guy: “Yes. Then I passed the low water bridge and turned right and I’m at the end of Johnson Creek.”

Me: “So can you see an old building there that used to be a store?”

Gutter Guy: “Uh. Yes.”

Me: “Is there a church with two outhouses?”

Gutter Guy: “There’s a church……”

Me: “Drive over there! See if there are two outhouses.”

Gutter Guy: “Okay. Yes, there are two outhouses. DO YOU KNOW WHERE I AM?”

Me: “Yes, I know exactly where you are. Keep going and take the first right.”

And if you ever come visit me, I will help you the exact same way. I’m better than GPS. I will lead you here by the outhouses.


  1. Shirley says:

    I absolutely hate giving directions. I’m terrible at it. But then I don’t take them very well either. The first question after being given directions of any kind is ‘HUH?’

    My directions include buildings other landmarks, like that tree that has a broken branch that looks like a dog’s hind leg. I don’t know road numbers. I do know directions though.

    Anyway, good luck with the gutters. ๐Ÿ˜†

  2. Kim A. says:

    Great directions, Suzanne! ๐Ÿ˜†

    I’m terrible at giving them, too. Always cringe when tourists stop and ask me how to get to such and such a place or street, as I seldom have the answer. Since I don’t have a vehicle, I navigate by signs too — the house with the lovely garden, the one with the cute dog wind vane…. Even after 8 years in my neighbourhood, I still don’t know most of the street names!

    Presumably your gutter guy found you!


  3. jan says:

    I love directions by landmarks…perfect!

  4. granny sue says:

    My favorite line: “the building that used to be a store.” Perfect West Virginia directions!

    Here part of the directions I give to get to my house:
    Bear left at the bridge, pass where the church used to be on the right, go up the bad hill by where Ken Parrish lived, go around the curve that looks like you’ll drop off the edge of the world, pass the drilling rig that doesn’t run any more on the right; before you drive out of the ridge meadow into the woods you’ll see our red barn mail box on the left. you won’t see the house, but turn anyway–if you have four wheel drive. Otherwise, blow the horn and well come up and get you. People get here every time.

  5. Blaze says:

    How weird is it that I don’t find anything wrong what so ever with the way you gave them directions.
    That seems perfectly normal to me!

  6. lintys says:

    Sounds eerily similar to the directions for getting to my mom’s rural home, except instead of the outhouses it’s the cemetery. And the cemetery is also the best place for cell reception. Don’t ask me how I know this! :no:

  7. Hillbilly2 says:

    Who needs a Tom Tom! No problem with those directions, I would have said it the same way. That’ll teach him to go right when he should have went left. :mrgreen: One time a friend in the middle of the night rode a taxi out to our house. A long dirt road (path) leading through woods and fields. I’ll bet the cab driver was getting nervous by the time he got to our house. :yes:

  8. Robin G. says:

    Nice. Reminds me of getting to my great-aunt’s place — over the railroad tracks, off the paved road, hairpin past Big A Mountain (how do you know it’s Big A Mountain? What a stupid question, it just IS), through the creek, past the goats, beyond the barn and next to the graveyard.

    Sometimes I really do miss that place.

  9. Jill S. says:

    I LOVE the color of your house. And as you know, I can get lost WITH a GPS system . . . you’ll have to come get me when I get close.

  10. sc says:

    laughing out loud!…GPS is for the birds…Suzanne, Granny Sue , I’m on my way! I especially like the absence of snow in your photos. Here, just east of the Great Lakes, we have more on the way. The house is just wonderful. Enjoy your day.

  11. tombstone annie/annbb says:

    Take the first right after the big tree with the red bow….take the first right after the two outhouses….it works! I alway give directions by landmark too. I’m TERRIBLE with street names. :mrgreen:

  12. Becky says:

    HAHAHA!!! You have OPS — Outhouse Positioning System!!!!!


  13. BekBek says:

    The miracle in this whole situation is that a MAN actually called to ask for directions!

  14. Elcie says:

    Ha ha, at least you can give directions. I guess outhouses are your landmark, huh?

    Love the cover of that book you’re reading. Chicken butts, ahoy! How is it, so far?

  15. kaye says:

    I like it too– that a man called for directions. How sweet is that? I guess he got his cell to work. Hmm, must have been at the outhouses all along and didn’t even know it…

  16. Cindy W. says:

    :shimmy: Here in Tennesse we give directions that way, but it is a little better since E-911 went with street names-signs instead of rural route numbers. I’m originally from Indiana and my family laughs when I give directions, “down this way a little, turn by the red barn, etc.

    I also like your cell phone signal locations. My boss has property in Wyoming and when he goes out west he has to find a hill-spot that he can get cell phone reception on to call the office. One of his spots is by the state outhouses. ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. Brandy says:

    My hubs is the same way with Cell service. Although with him it’s because he works for a cell carrier and he’s nosey. *g*

    Your directions sound fine to me. Here in SC you don’t give too many directions without including “turn at the railroad tracks”. *g*

  18. Susan says:

    The directions to my home are pretty simple… turn left, turn left, turn left, turn left, turn left, second house on left. ๐Ÿ˜†

  19. Tori Lennox says:

    We’re still missing a lot of the street signs in our town from the tornado two years ago. So landmarks come in really handy. ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. farmlady says:

    Had a good laugh over this post. This man must have been in a panic to call for directions.
    We live in the middle of nowhere too. I have to laugh when folks arrive up here, pale and nervous, saying something like, “I can’t believe you live here.”
    More power to us. Life is too short to live in the suburbs.

  21. Nicole Reising says:

    Suzanne – whenever I need a pick me up/smile I simply come here! Love it! LOL


  22. Estella says:

    I grew up in the country, many years ago, and landmarks were the only way to give directions.

  23. Egghead says:

    I am so directionally challenged! I use landmarks every single time….don’t tell me north, south, east or west…..just right or left by the outhouse, store, gas station, whatever. Yes my sisters and I have had some adventures in driving. ๐Ÿ˜†

  24. catslady says:

    I have absolutely no sense of direction. I can get lost in a mall ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

  25. Dee says:

    Beautiful house! I love it. I am so jealous!

    I grew up in Georgia and Tennessee, but I had never seen an actual, working outhouse until last year when I went to Kazakhstan to adopt my son – then I saw too many. I had to actually use two – and man were they gross!

    I’m sure they make great landmarks though! LOL


  26. Suzy says:

    I’m convinced that it’s a woman thing to give directions by landmarks instead of highway #’s or street names! I feel better now.

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