The Tale of the Giant Shirts


About a month and a half ago, I ordered new bedding for Princess’s room. One day, a big package came to the old farmhouse porch. Because I wasn’t going to let Princess open her new bedding until we got to the new farmhouse, I stashed the big package away. Then over came my cousin’s mother one day.

Georgia: “Did they leave a package here for Mark?”

Me: Nope.

Over came my cousin’s wife.

Sheryl, my cousin’s wife: “Did they leave a package here for Mark?”

Me: “Nope.”

Over came the UPS guy.

UPS Guy: “Did you find a package here for your cousin?”

Me: “Nope.”

Rinse and repeat about three times.

Last night, we (me, the Princess, and Londa, Steve-the-Builder’s wife) trotted up to Princess’s shower where I had stashed all her goodies for her new room to survey the fun.

New bedding, shower curtain, soap dispenser, toothbrush holder–all in “horse” theme. SO cute.

We went through all the packages and then got to the one I hadn’t opened. I was sure it was her big comforter. Princess tore into the package then pulled out….a big shirt.

And another big shirt.

And another one.

I grabbed the packing slip. $400 worth of shirts, belts, and pants. Addressed to….my cousin.

He’d ordered a big passel of giant shirts and pants and belts. Because he is giant and he orders all of his clothes. Back at Ye Olde Farmhouse, there are three houses–my cousin’s, his mother’s, and the old farmhouse where we were living. The old farmhouse has a huge front porch to shelter packages from the elements, so whenever anything is delivered, that’s where it goes. But I was confused! I had ordered new bedding for the Princess!

And I told my cousin and his mother and the UPS people that I never saw that package!

I told them that for a MONTH AND A HALF!

Hiding the packing slip against my chest, I grabbed Londa. “Come with me.”

Of course, the Princess followed.

I said, “Go away! You’ll tell!”

She promised she wouldn’t tell! No, no, she’d never tell. I spilled the horror. I had the giant shirts! All along! I can’t possibly admit I have the giant shirts NOW!!! But what am I going to do with all those giant shirts?!

Princess: “You should tell Sheryl.”

Me: “I can’t do that!”

Londa is busy doubled over with laughter. Princess disappears.

I need help, badly. I find Steve-the-Builder and explain my giant shirt dilemma. “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THESE GIANT SHIRTS?”

Because we know he will use his bionic pinkie to make all those giant shirts disappear. Or turn them into a horse. Or whatever. But before he can do that–

Enter Princess. “Sheryl says it’s okay.”


Princess: “I called her. I told her you had the shirts.”



  1. Heidi says:

    :rotfl: OMG!!! You are in SO much trouble huh! My husband was reading this over my shoulder before he went to milk and he said “She sounds like your long lost sister”… he got a thunk too…. Did Princess not ger her comforter then or was it in a differant package? Maybe your cousin got the comforter and is holding it in ransom till he gets his cloths!!!!! :rotfl: Give him one of the belts and he could wear the comforter Toga style!!!! :shimmy: Hope the book is coming along.. Cant wait to see the kitchen all polished up and ready to cook in. Are you in the path of that snow still?

  2. lintys says:

    Princess saves the day! Sounds like she might be the only rational female left in the house? (just kidding)

    Oh man, Suzanne, you just gave your cousin something fun to harass you about. If he’s anything like my cousins, it’s gonna be a long time before he lets you forget about this taudry little incident! :rotfl:

  3. Mental P Mama says:

    That. Is. Hysterical. Where is the comforter? :fan:

  4. becki says:

    Isn’t you cousin a prosecutor?

    Princess had to confess…

  5. Hillbilly2 says:

    You know everytime something comes up missing, you’ll be blamed and searched! (tee hee)

  6. sc says:

    That is a very funny story…..and you have one very beautiful daughter.

  7. Tori Lennox says:

    :rotfl: I can so see myself pulling a stunt like that!

    Hey, and any man who would feed my Thin Mint addiction would DEFINITELY be a keeper! Not that I’m telling you anything you don’t already know. 🙂

  8. Melissa says:

    Any man can bring home the bacon, but those who bring home the cookies, are keepers! :butterfly:

  9. catslady says:

    ROFLMAO I too want to know “what about the comforter??”

    Princess was right, you know you had to tell But you never will hear the end of it.

    Maybe 30/40 years ago a good fork went missing at my mom’s. (probably thrown in the garbage by mistake) but for some reason we all said my sister took it and to this day we tease her about the forK – AND SHE DIDN’T REALLY HAVE IT UNLIKE THE SHIRTS :rotfl:

  10. Suzanne McMinn says:

    I don’t know where the comforter is, but I’m sure the UPS people will never believe me now!

  11. Amber says:

    I think the Princess is one smart cookie! :yes:

  12. Susan says:

    That is just too funny! :rotfl: Your lucky to have a forgiving family. :purr:

  13. Kim A. says:

    I’m sure they love you dearly, Suzanne, perhaps in part because you *do *provide such great fodder for jokes. :rotfl:

    Kudos to Princess for doing the logical, mature thing! :clap:

    I wouldn’t want to confess, either, so I feel for you. But once you cook them a wonderful meal in your new kitchen, all will be forgiven…though perhaps not forgotten. Maybe you ought to invite the UPS guy for dinner too….


  14. catslady says:

    Someone in WV just won the 276 million powerball!!!!! :clap:

  15. Estella says:

    Princess saves the day!

  16. kacey says:

    well, we all make mistakes… :mrgreen:

    Hope the comforter turns up. Maybe your cousin has it and thinks it’s his shirts!

  17. Alice Audrey says:

    How embarrassing!

    So then what happened?

  18. Kim W says:

    This past Christmas, we ordered a beautidul faded red Duster coat for our 20-yr-old dd. When the box came it was a black duffle bag!! It was now 5 days before Christmas! When I called the company back they were ould of the red ones…OF COURSE…so we returned the duffle bag and went to plan B. We finally found another coat for her, not a duster, but her 2nd favorite, and charcoal Pea Coat. She was happy with it and that’s all that really matters.

    Hope you get P’s comforter.

    Blessings from Ohio…

  19. Jodie says:

    :weather: Don’t melt down! These things happen when you’re ordering lots of stuff mail order and get friendly with UPS and FedEx. Just think the comforter could be with a Tom Hanks type character on a dessert island… WAIT, that’s fiction… right down your alley. UPS or the online store should be able to trace the package. I would start with the store that shipped it to you. You should have their email or something about the shipment. Heaven help you if you deleted their emails. :cattail:

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