As you all know, I am not so good at following directions. For whatever reason, I feel compelled to be creative with even the most simple recipes.

It doesn’t always work out for me.

My dad is very much the same way. Perhaps he’s where I get it from. He used to claim he used the “Shih-tay Method” when cooking. That is, he’d grab whatever he could find in the fridge, mash it up, and serve it with a smile.

It didn’t always work out for him either.

Once he told us the mystery meat in his crock pot dinner was sea turtle.

Not the best idea, since it was the early 90’s, we were girls, and we watched copious amounts of Captain Planet. There was crying and short-lived vegetarianism involved.

Look at that Bruce Lee thing he had going on. And me! Proof that once upon a time I looked good in a swimsuit.

Anyway, Dad’s “creativity” certainly influenced how I cook. Recently we had company for a few days, one of which is an EXCELLENT cook. I had purchased a large pork shoulder with the intention of making some sort of pulled pork, but we were so busy visiting, I forgot to get it started.

“Creativity” sometimes means “extreme forgetfulness”.

The pork shoulder was too large to cook in time for dinner and had a bone in it and was impossible to cut up. Seriously, that thing was HUGE.

Rather than ordering a pizza, I called on my many years of training in the “Master of the Shih-tay” kitchen dojo.

Here’s how it went down:

1. First, I made slices in the roast, as far down as I could go before I hit bone. I shoved it in my largest pot that fits in the oven. Laree Theory: the spaces would allow heat to penetrate deeper, more quickly, for faster cooking.

2. Next I poured/stuffed olive oil, garlic cloves, onion powder, cumin, salt, pepper, and whatever else I found in the cabinet into the cuts. Laree Theory: Spicing up maximum surface area allows for an exponential increase of flavor absorption.

3. Then I pulled all “almost chicken-scraps” veggies out the fridge, chopped them up, shoved them in the pan, and crossed my fingers. Laree Theory: Waste not, want not. Plus, if I roast the beheyzues outta them, no one will know the bell peppers weren’t crisp to begin with.

4. Finally, I covered the pan with foil, rather than the heavy-duty top that comes with the pan. I roasted it for an hour at some ridiculously high temperature–probably in the 425-450 degree range. Then I uncovered the roast and broiled it for 5-10 minutes. Laree Theory: There is no try, only Do. If I had set the roast on fire, THEN we could order a pizza.

Alas, there was no fire. And the roast was DELISH. While the meat was cooking, we managed to whip up a few fabo sides.

My friend, (Oh He of the Excellent Spoon) was very impressed. They ate the whole pork shoulder, and asked *giggles* for the recipe.

Right. Me? Recipe?

Yah sure! This Master of the Shih-tay has it right here, by the seat of my pants.

Disclaimer: Laree Theories are complete and utter monkey business, and should not be taken seriously by anyone.

Larissa blogs at The Henway.

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