riding in car lines with boys

Feb
12

Men do not understand school car lines.

As you slowly, painfully inch forward, no matter what, you can not go around anyone else. Even if they are staring off into outer space as you watch the car line ahead of them vanish into the distance.

My husband had yesterday off work, so we went out for a lovely brainstorming lunch to discuss the merman. Then we picked up our daughter from school. The lady in the white LeBaron ahead of us kept falling into a coma. When this happens, I say Very Bad Things inside my head and wait. I know school car lines. When this happens to a man, he says Very Bad Things out loud and the fifth time she forgets to move forward in the car line, he whips out and goes around her. Trust me, white LeBaron lady woke up angry. She whipped up beside our car and said Very Bad Things through the window. My husband completely ignored her and she finally dropped back behind us in the car line.

But I know these things. This isn’t over.

On Monday, when I go to pick up my daughter, there will be consequences. White LeBaron lady is going to find me. And when she does, she’s going to shoot me.

Or make me marry my cousin.

This IS North Carolina.





tea and gossip

Feb
11

The prince and princess came to tea today. (Charles and Camilla?) Hard to tell. They were invisible. (If it WAS Charles and Camilla, invisible would be a Good Thing.) But they must have been special because my daughter got all dressed up in high heels and perfume and laid out her tea set for them.

Conversation (one-sided) went like this:

“He did WHAT?”
“I can’t believe he’s such a jerk.”
“How could he do that to her?”

At nine my daughter has already absorbed a basic tenet of womanhood. Men are always wrong. Even if you have to make it up.



February 11, 2005 - woo woo

So I leave later than usual yesterday to pick up my kids from school. I pick up my daughter at School #1. We’re on the way to School #2 to pick up my oldest son (younger son is home puking in the kitchen sink). I look at the clock in the car. I left ten...
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February 10, 2005 - is that a hornpipe in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

I’m reading a cool shipwreck research book called Sunken Treasure: How to Find it, by Robert Marx for PAX 3 . Suddenly I have the urge to throw my entire life away rush off to the Keys, pour my savings into a junky boat, and dive for pieces of eight. Is finding a lode of...
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February 9, 2005 - you could set your clock by it

Why does it never fail that I ponder a story problem for hours–such as how the ancients knew the world was round and where the hidden weaknesses were in the earth’s tectonic plates–and then figure it out EXACTLY when it’s time to rush off and pick up the kids from school? By the time I...
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February 9, 2005 - man, I hope he doesn’t have to pee!

I play the same CD in my car over and over and OVER until my kids’ heads EXPLODE and they’re begging me to change it out. The current one playing is the soundtrack from “A Knight’s Tale” only they’re not begging me to switch that one. They LOVE the song We Will Rock You. They...
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February 5, 2005 - mermania

So much for researching mermen. There are merman and mermaid folklore and legends galore. There are paranormal societies who study their potential existence. There’s merman/mermaid art , movies , and even a music group called the Mermen . There are strange people who dress up as mer-people. But none of it will do me any...
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February 4, 2005 - lunch

I am a time-waster extraordinaire, so today I blew the day having lunch with writer buds Emilie and Cynthia. I, of course, got lost on the way to the restaurant. I can get lost going anywhere. I’m a PRO. I called Cynthia and told her to order me a drink, whatever she was having. (By...
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