Every so often, I hear panicked quacking. I rush out to the porch and inevitably find the ducks have managed to separate themselves from their chosen pack. (The three bachelors in one pack, Mr. Duck and his two ladies in the other.) They get in the goat yard then they can’t remember how to get back out. One is separated from the other two and life is not worth living, it’s that desperate and pathetic.
The separation is unbearable, I tell you, UNBEARABLE. There is PANIC. And RUCKUS.
I can’t bear it, either. I have to help. I have to get them together again! The ducks, they are in a panic! (The chickens could teach them a thing or two about calmly finding a spot where you can fit under the gate….. That is, if the chickens and ducks were speaking to each other. They’re not.)
Yesterday, with two of the bachelors inside the goat pen and one outside, I chased the two around the doghouse that the goats used to like to sleep in but which has recently fallen apart, trying to get them to head out of the pen.
I stepped on a rusty nail in the process. Falling apart doghouse = hazard! (It has now been removed.)
(And yes, I was wearing shoes.)
I had the door between the goat pen and the goat yard shut so the other animals couldn’t get in and I had the door between the goat pen and the side yard propped open with my rooster rake.
The door was propped open and yet they just kept standing there.
QUACKING.
Ducks are so hard to help.
They are SEPARATED! The world as they know it has come to an end! Life will never be the same! Oh wait–
A WAY OUT! Off he went…..
….leaving the third one behind because he couldn’t figure out how that just happened.
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
The third duck, watching his two friends disappear. Because they don’t care about him. They’re together! Ducks can be so brutal. And I stepped on a rusty nail for them and everything. And then–
It’s a MIRACLE!!!
But where did his friends go? PANICKED QUACKING. They’ve left him! Disappeared! His life is OVER.
WAIT! There they are. WHEW. Life can go on.
Unless you just stepped on a rusty nail and you’re GOING TO DIE because you haven’t had a tetanus shot.
And then I called the doctor’s office. Because I want to live.
Five minutes later. PANICKED QUACKING. Mr. Duck. Separated from his two ladies.
I refused to help them. R.E.F.U.S.E.D.
I felt guilty. I decided I had to help them. Doctor’s appointment, schmocter’s appointment.
Then the girls found their way through the fence and straight back into Mr. Duck’s arms. On their own. I think they’re messing with me.
Doctor: “How did this happen?”
Me: “I was chasing my ducks around the goat pen and there’s this doghouse that’s falling apart–”
Doctor: “You were chasing dogs?”
Me: “No, ducks. It was just a doghouse. There was a donkey and a sheep and a bunch of chickens there, too, but they weren’t involved. Well, the goats weren’t really involved either. It was just their goat pen and their doghouse. But it was the ducks I was chasing. They were upset because they were separated.”
(long pause)
Doctor: “So how are you saying this happened again?”
Me: “I was saving a child from a fire.”
Cindy says:
Haha Heehee perfect laugh for me before I go off to dreamland.
I love your ducks. And your stories about your ducks. And your stories about any and all of your animals, now that I think about it. Your farm rocks!!
On September 1, 2009 at 1:31 am
C says:
Reminds me just a tad of keystone cops. C
On September 1, 2009 at 4:18 am
CindyP says:
HaHaHaHa! Trying to keep everyone happy on the farm………
And there’s another thing for the list of living on a farm….keep the tetanus shots up! My parents lived by the Epsom Salts when it came to one of us kids stepping on a nail…I’m not sure about it, but our foot always got stuck in a bucket of Epsom salt water…..I’m just glad we had to have those shots for school!
On September 1, 2009 at 4:31 am
Tovah says:
This totally started my morning off with a laugh! I’m glad you’ve already visited the dr. and will be okay:)
On September 1, 2009 at 4:43 am
Diane says:
Too funny about the ducks missing each other. But not so good steping on a nail. Hope you are ok. Because ouch that hurts.
On September 1, 2009 at 4:45 am
Christine says:
LOL. I know exactly what you’re saying. I’d go with saving the child.
On September 1, 2009 at 4:59 am
monica says:
Great wakeup suspense story this morning. It kept me one the edge of the seat to the end. I just love drama!
On September 1, 2009 at 5:37 am
melita says:
great story! i really enjoy reading your posts.
On September 1, 2009 at 5:59 am
Jeanne says:
Great day to start the morning. I’m laughing so hard.
Rooster rake – thats soo funny :snoopy:
On September 1, 2009 at 6:21 am
Dawn says:
I’m afraid you are a duck enabler!
On September 1, 2009 at 6:33 am
Bev says:
LOL….I work in a doctor’s office…the truth is always weird, confusing and complicated…but a much better story…doctors can be a bit hard headed when it comes to understanding the story though…no offence to any Docs out there…but ya know it’s true.
On September 1, 2009 at 7:23 am
Melinda says:
What you should have done was just told him to read your blog..He would so understand!! :yes:
On September 1, 2009 at 9:09 am
trish says:
That was just great. I am so glad you had shoes on. Hoping your injury is minor. I laughed out loud at the part where you saved a child from a fire. I love you Suzanne. Your great!
On September 1, 2009 at 9:48 am
Nancy says:
I so love reading your blog! I usually sit at the computer with a cup of coffee after I finish taking care of my own critters! I went camping in the Mts. of Vermont last week… no computer, not even cell phone service!! I missed your blog the most! I couldn’t wait to get home and get my “Chicken’s fix”. Thank you!!
On September 1, 2009 at 9:51 am
Tammy says:
To funny…I busted out laughing and my husband is going what is so funny….I just said ya gotta read the story…I look forward to reading you blog everyday..
Thank You for the wonderful stories.
On September 1, 2009 at 9:53 am
Wheezay says:
Loved this story..every time I read about the ducks, makes me want one :heart: so much more.
On September 1, 2009 at 11:03 am
.Nancy in Iowa says:
Oh, this was marvelous! And I love the reference to Cool Hand Luke – my favorite line in the movie! Although that was spoken by the warden, I can completely see Clover uttering it as she watches the ducks in scorn! :dancingmonster:
On September 1, 2009 at 11:37 am
Darlene says:
Great story!
I’ve stepped on nails twice. Once I stepped on a nail taking apart some theater scenery after the play had ended, the other was helping get rid of some construction debris. And I, too, was wearing shoes, in fact, with the construction stuff, I had been barefooted and went back inside to put on shoes. Took two steps outside and you guessed it! You wouldn’t think that that would happen – with SHOES ON!
Hope it feels better soon.
On September 1, 2009 at 11:40 am
Barbara says:
LOL!!!Hi-larious! You are so funny and I just love hearing these barnyard stories of yours. Oh, Mr. Duck. Maybe you should become the next Beatrix Potter….do some Mr. Duck Stories. I’m not kidding. They’d sell! 😆
On September 1, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Mollster says:
LOL….terrific post….gotta love the ducks
On September 1, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Shells says:
And you did go get a tetanus shot right !!?? Its good for 10 years 😀
On September 1, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Suzanne says:
Yes, I got a tetanus shot when I went to the doctor yesterday!
On September 1, 2009 at 1:20 pm
catslady says:
Oh, just too funny!!! One of your best :duck: When I was young they were tearing down my grandfather’s garage and a rusty nail went through my shoe. I never told because I had been warned and I waited in fear for weeks and weeks for my jaws to lock!
On September 1, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Estella says:
I love your stories! Never a dull moment on your farm.
On September 1, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Eliza J. says:
Love the way you write these stories..and the photos to go with them….or is it the other way around? In the “olden” days (50 yrs ago) at the other end of Roane County, I stepped on a nail (we went barefoot all summer except for goin’ to town on Friday and church on Sunday) so my Mom wrapped my foot in a piece of home cured bacon inside a bandage (probably a piece of an pillowcase…which would have been made from a chickenfeed bag), inside an old sock….and I still had to keep on working around the farm….except I may have go to stay in and do housework one day instead of out mowing the yard, putting up hay, feeding chickens, gathering eggs, etc. I don’t remember how long I had to wear it but have survived…don’t think I got that tetanus shot until I was about 40 when my husband insisted after I smashed my big toe nail!
On September 1, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Kim says:
PERFECT!!
I’m sure the ducks are messing with you too. Animals are like that 🙂
On September 1, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Jodie Zoeller says:
LOL… now I have to go to bed with DUCKS in my head… :dancingmonster:
On September 1, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Jodie Zoeller says:
ps. put tetanus shot on your to do list for the kids… you live on a FARM with DIRT… that’s where tetanus lives.
On September 1, 2009 at 9:25 pm
ML says:
Oh this is hilarious! I especially love the words, PANICKED QUACKING. That is just the funniest to me, panicked quacking! I like rooster rake too, that’s pretty funny in itself.
On September 1, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Linda in New Mexico says:
I just love to read your stories about your world and enjoy another moment of fun and games with your animals. Too funny. Poor ducks, it’s a good thing they are good looking cause smart they aren’t.
On September 2, 2009 at 4:57 am
Michelle says:
Thanks for the laugh.
On September 2, 2009 at 7:52 am
Joycee says:
Never try to explain to a logical person your illogical life, it just won’t work! If you are expecting a “thank you” from the ducks though, it may be a while…
joy c. at grannymountain
On September 5, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Jaxxy says:
I have never lived on a farm, but I believe the technical name for your unfortunate escapade is Duckus Ruckus. Haaa!
I love it!!! !! ! Duckies and chickies… paradise. :snuggle:
(I wish I did live on a farm, though….)
<3,
Jaxxy. =)
On January 5, 2010 at 5:23 am
Karan says:
I use a fishing net to catch mine
On March 31, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Miss Mae says:
OH, ha ha ha ha!!! Wonderful! I can see it now! 🙂
On May 2, 2010 at 11:50 am
Brenda Gearhart says:
My mind runs swiftly to the day I was almost murderd by a Turkey in the strawberry patch.
Scared for life it was an experience similar to yours.I hope your recovery comes quickly and that you won’t need a 12 step program or and intervention to find normalcy in your life.
I enjoyed your story, hoping the child your saved is doing well….and that your doctors hearing problem has been treated..lol
On May 19, 2010 at 11:53 am
Tina says:
Oh my Lord, Suzanne, this story was just hysterical! I had tears in my eyes as I read your tale and howled with laughter! Ruckus, indeed! Aren’t ducks just something else? I love all your posts, dear. Have a wonderful day!
On August 15, 2010 at 2:27 pm
chrisj says:
That is SO funny! I have to find the rest of your posts and read them. I love blogs about animals and blogs that make me laugh. You hit the jackpot!
On September 26, 2010 at 3:46 am
MissyinWV says:
I am glad I took the time to click “here” and read this story. It brought a smile to my face and I needed it! Thank you Suzanne
On February 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm
BreaHouston says:
I laughed so hard at these ducks, I now have tears in my eyes. What a great story – and loved those photos, too. Animals can be such hoots!
On March 9, 2015 at 2:48 pm