As I ponder when to send Glory Bee’s boyfriend home and whether or not he’s done his job, I compiled this top 10 list of ways to tell if your cow is pregnant. Especially if you’re like me and have no idea, really.
10. Bump her side. Supposedly, you can feel the baby. Or something. I find this very mysterious and it always makes me feel like I’m hitting my cow.
9. Go in with the long gloves. Call a vet or a country preg checker. If they’re really good, they can feel the baby at 60 days. If they don’t do it real often, 100 days is better. If it was me doing it, I like never.
8. Buy a pregnancy test. Yes, they do make cow home pregnancy tests. This seems a little extreme. And involves taking blood. Never mind.
7. Ask your cow! I find this usually results in a level stare from those big cow eyes and no talking.
6. Sneak into the pasture and see if you can catch her knitting baby booties.
5. Note if your cow switches from watching Sex in the City reruns to baby shows on TLC.
4. Offer her some pickles.
3. Watch if she’s getting fat. Of course, she might just be getting fat.
2. Announce that you don’t ever want to raise a calf again and see if she starts crying. Pregnant ladies are so sensitive, you know.
And the number one way you can tell if your cow is pregnant is–
–if a baby comes out of her hiney!
I hope this was helpful. Good luck.